Elaine Starling, The Abundance Ambassador, guides entrepreneurs and business professionals who long for more to experience abundance in all areas of life.  Elaine helps her clients remove limited thinking to craft a fulfilling life, and is launching The Abundance Journey™ YouTube show and podcast. She invites you to celebrate the Divine support and connection that we all have available to us, and be a part of a more joyful world.

Inside this episode:

• The concept of abundance as an experience rather than a destination
• How the true meaning of words impacts our experience
• What work we are called to do while here on Earth
• Recognizing life transitions as ‘graduation’
• Finding growth in hard experiences
• The importance of self love, and expressing it to yourself!
• Being playful in working with divine energy
• And a few great book recommendations

Visit www.TheAbundanceJourney.com or contact Elaine at Elaine@TheAbundanceJourney.com

Susi Vine:Welcome back. I am so happy to have you with us today for this episode of Happify, with my new fabulous friend, Elaine Starling, so happy that we are connected and I get to introduce you to her today. Elaine’s darling is the abundance ambassador. She guides entrepreneurs and business professionals who long for more experience and abundance in all areas of life.

And acknowledged thought leader, personal growth expert, Ted X and international speaker. Elaine helps her clients remove limited thinking, create an abundance mindset and craft a fulfilling life. And soon you’ll be able to enjoy. Own show the abundance journey on YouTube and her upcoming podcast. So I’m very excited to have you on the show before you get too busy to join me easily and have you with us today to dive into this topic.

We were just sharing before I started recording that even as many episodes as I am into. The program at this point, we haven’t touched on the topic of abundance. And I think it’s something that a lot of us might have a bit of a relationship with. That’s worth looking more deeply into. So thank you, Elaine, for joining me today.

I’m so happy to have you with us

Elaine Starling: as I am thrilled to be here and you’re absolutely right. There’s a lot of energy around abundance and the topic of abundance, and I’m really excited to share that little nuance that shifts everything for you. So whenever you’re ready for that.

Susi Vine: Well, and your story is not utterly unique. I’ve heard some extraordinary experiences that some people have in their lives, but you had an experience that really sounds pivotal in your own. Awareness and progression. So I’d love. If you can start us there, give us a little context to know how you became so passionate about this subject of.

Elaine Starling: Absolutely. Well, my background is advertising and marketing and I had my own firm and I was really frustrated with how things were going, but we were set to go on vacation. And so I told my husband about a month before we went on vacation. I’m like, you know, I feel almost guilty for wanting more. I feel almost inappropriate for, for wishing things could change because there’s so much in my life that I really love.

And yet here I am caught in the cross here. I’m just going to go with status quo and love what I have, and I’m just not going to keep thrashing. So a month later, new year’s day, 2005, I’m on vacation in New Zealand. We’ve been off the plane for a week and all of a sudden I have a stroke and in the middle of the stroke, I get to have a conversation with the divine.

I got a complete download on how everything works, why we’re here. What we’re supposed to be doing while we’re here, how we can live our optimal lives and what happens next after this life. And I always tell people, don’t worry about that part because it’s all a graduation you’re graduating to a different, higher level of being, and there’s a whole lot more and it’s all really good.

So don’t stress out about that. Focus on the here and now. And yeah, everything is designed to help you win. It’s just, we aren’t explained we aren’t shown how it all works. 

Susi Vine: So there’s a plan. We just didn’t arrive with a roadmap.

Well, and I think it’s really fascinating too, because we can put so much energy and focus into worry into what we don’t know. And so even that little bit of reassurance. It’s all handled that it’s going to work out, that it’s going to be even better than we know can imagine, you know, is some serious consolation, because then we can get back to focusing on the matter at hand, which is living our best life right now.

And I see so many people really losing that power that we have to live 

Elaine Starling: our best lives live utterly 

Susi Vine: fulfilled because we can put so much energy and attention into worry in. Especially given the situation over the last few years. And so I really appreciate that you’re coming from your experience and standing in this space saying.

It’s going to be okay. 

Elaine Starling: It’s going to be more than okay. Once you understand how all this works, it’s just so freeing and so uplifting and so rewarding. You, you can’t ever go back to life before the awareness of abundance. And that’s why I call myself the abundance ambassador. I’m trying to open doors for people.

I’m trying to introduce them. I’m trying to facilitate. Guide people to their own brilliance. Because one of the key things that I was shown is that we are in partnership with the divine. We are, side-by-side in lockstep with the divine. And you know, that time periodically, that comes up when you feel like you’re just not enough.

Like it all the weight of the world feels like it’s on your shoulders. That’s the divine top tapping you on the back saying, I’m honey, we’re right here. We’re happy to help out. You’re not alone. We’re ready to help you. And I think one of the other things that one of the reasons why people struggle a lot with the word abundance is because they look at things in their area.

Like they look at a beautiful house or a beautiful car or designer clothes or whatever, right. Luxury vacation. They look at that stuff and they think they make up this idea that it’s the universe, the divine going neener, neener, neener. You can’t have that. Ha ha. No, that’s not what’s happening. Not at all.

Have you ever seen really, really proud parents that have a pre-verbal baby? Have you seen the way they interact with their baby? Honey? Do you want a bottle? No. You want your blanket? No. Do you want a toy? Do you want to be cuddled? This is the universe showing you all the things you can have. All the things that are available to you and you are the one shutting yourself off from that and saying, no, I can’t.

No, I can’t. So one of the first things I invite everybody to do. Is notice the abundance that is around you and celebrate the fact that you just saw abundance. Oh my gosh. You’ll be sure that you could have this tool. You can have this experience too. How awesome is that? And that’s for me. That’s what I want you to say.

That’s for me, sign me up. I’ll take two of those. Yes. Please bring it on. I am so psyched that everything’s lining up to guide this abundance to me. And I just got proof. I just saw it right there. 

Susi Vine: And then we start to really recognize. That feeling that vibration, if you will, we’re going to be talking a lot of energy speak today.

So we’ll just jump right in and say that vibration and energy of abundance. And I’m already, I’m really picking up on what you’re saying about how much of what we let ourselves see or how we define things is based on the story that we bring to. I don’t want to get too far ahead of ourselves in the conversation, but I have a feeling story’s going to play a pretty big part, 

Elaine Starling: spoiler alert.

It definitely does. And I mean, we’ve shown through science. There’ve been all these wonderful studies that show. We have a prejudice, this predisposition to see what we expect to see. And there’s something called. You’ve probably heard about the gorilla experience. And it’s where, you know, there’s people playing basketball and there’s people in white shirts and people in blue shirts, and the person says, okay, now I want you to pay close attention to the people in the white shirts and count how many times they pass the basketball back and forth.

And so you’re tuned in and you’re totally paying attention. And at the end, They say. So who noticed the gorilla? And most people are like gorilla gorilla, the gorilla. And there’s a guy in a gorilla suit who walks into the middle of the, the court. And he’s patting as Justin jumping up and down and boogie.

When he, Evan, he walks off stage and all of the basketball people are totally focused on the basketball. They’re not paying any attention to gorilla. So you don’t get any social cues yes. To pay attention. And our minds are just like, Our minds are doing its best to help us. But one of the really fascinating things, I’m really into science.

I love science and it turns out that our eyes don’t do the majority of our sight, our brains do, and our brains get tired. So they look for short. So our brains make up a lot of the stuff in our environment. You’re in your living room. Great. We already know what’s there. We’re just going to project, you know, all the usual furniture and stuff.

Cause we know, we know, you know, but then when your mom says we’ll get the mustard out of the refrigerator and you don’t know where it is and you don’t see it and she reaches over your shoulder and gets it right in front of your face. It was right there all the time. And. Yeah. It’s because your mind isn’t always your friend, your heart is much more tuned in than your mind.

Susi Vine: Yes. And I w first of all, I love that your description, because that gorilla is far from subtle. He definitely beats his chest and dances in the middle of the basketball court. I fell for it just the same as almost everyone else has watching that video. I find that fast, the experiments, so fascinating.

And and then this point that you just shared with us is so well timed because in my most recent conversation in the episode that will be coming out has just come out in this time. Warp of podcast production with Sue Wilhite, we talked about. Habit that we have when you can’t find your keys. And after 20 minutes searching your house there in the first place you looked, you just weren’t seeing them.

And so I find this so fascinating. So another perspective on that same topic and 

Elaine Starling: really helpful because the brain is, is really needy. 

Susi Vine: It’s really greedy. It needs a lot of energy to work. It has a lot of work to do. And so we 

Elaine Starling: do it takes 

Susi Vine: shortcuts to make life easier for. And so it’s fascinating when we recognize just as you’re saying, sometimes it puts up a construct to make life easier for us.

And we don’t recognize when we’re locked in this 

Elaine Starling: story that doesn’t serve. Exactly. Yeah. I noticed a huge difference in the power of words after my stroke, because during my stroke, I felt like I was in the middle of Niagara falls. Just getting totally inundated with this beautiful divine energy. And to me, the divine field.

Effervescent joy. It’s just joy beyond anything you could ever imagine. And as a result, when I’m in connection with the divine, they feel very playful and light hearted and silly and outrageous, and they get a little. Well, they get after me sometimes for being a little too serious. And so they like to yank my chain.

They like to make me laugh. They like to be really silly to get my attention and get me to like enough. And so that was a really interesting breakthrough, but I was like, you know, I got out of my stroke and back to life as normal. And I did all this research. Right. I’m trying to figure out, so how do I really get that connection going?

And everybody says, you allow, allow the downloads, allow the divine allow. I’m allowing my little heart out. I’m not getting Niagara falls. I’m getting a plugged up wondering can, you know, tools working. So I can’t every once in a while I get a little dribs and drabs, but nothing like that incredible experience I had.

So finally I just said, okay, clearly I’m doing something that’s just not working for me. Why is allowing so hard for me? And I immediately got the message. What is the image that comes to mind for you? When you think of the word allow. And all of a sudden I saw myself behind the door with a chain on the door and I was peeking through the door at the divine.

And I felt a little anxious, like, oh my gosh, this could be really too much for me. And I’ve gotta be ready to slam that door shut at a moment’s notice because I wanted to stay in control. And I realized that was my mind because the divine is pure love and pure energy. And it’s so much bigger than anything my mind could grab.

You know, your mind is a wonderful tool, but it’s got some limitations. And so we said, okay, well, that’s obviously not the kind of relationship I’d really like to. So what would be a word that would represent the kind of relationship? I really want the kind of collaboration and partnership that I want welcoming.

Hm. I don’t allow the division. I welcome the divine because when I welcomed the divine, I take the door off the hinges and toss it away. It’s not even there. I don’t need it. I don’t care what happens. It’s it’s like Christmas presents before you open them. You have no idea. What’s in the boxes. You just know it’s all going to be really good and fun stuff.

And that’s all you have to know, right. To have a good time. So just knowing what the words are doing for you. You may have a totally different relationship with the word allow than I do, and that’s fine. But listen to the words you’re using. And noticed if the word feels like it’s more of a mind word because it’s trying to control the situation, understand the situation, categorize the situation, structure, logic, rationale, love that if this, then that we want a guaranteed result.

That’s what the mind is for. Brilliant. Brilliant. And then there are words that are heart-based words that are connecting words that are collaborative with. And just listen, because it’s a totally different vibration. 

Susi Vine: Beautiful. And it is something that I’ve been more present to. You know, we get into patterns of speech and ways of saying things, or we just accept other people’s definitions, but I’m definitely becoming more mindful.

Elaine Starling: Words of them full of words. Could you become heartful of words? I think 

Susi Vine: I shall. I welcome 

Elaine Starling: my heart feelings of words. 

Susi Vine: And as long as we’re on that topic and, and like I said, abundance is something that, again, maybe we think we know how we want to feel about it, but if we really. We’re present with ourselves.

We might be surprised at what associations we have with abundance. What comes up when we think of that word? How do you define it now with your experience and perception? 

Elaine Starling: I really recognize that abundance is an emotion. It’s a feeling it’s that effervescent joy that I was talking about, where nothing matters.

You’re just having such a good time. And what happens is when you’re having a really good time, people around you go, wow. That person’s having a really good time. What are they doing? I want more of that. Right? So they, they galvanize, they totally come to you because they want more of that. They want to experience that too.

And it doesn’t matter what you’re doing. The fact that you’re having a great time and you’re getting people to laugh and have fun. That’s what they’re after. So it’s a feeling it’s a way of being, you’re actually being the abundance you want to express. Because when you are being abundance, you are noticing the abundance that is already present and celebrating that and feeling deep gratitude and appreciation for that.

And that’s when you create a space for even more to show up. And I think the biggest barrier that people have with the word abundance is they immediately make judgment. About abundance. They look at where they are now and they look at where they want to be and they look at the gap and they go, what? I’m not there yet, but I’m not there yet.

And if you want to argue for your limitations, congratulations, you always win. You can also, instead of focusing on the things that are not working for you right now, you can focus on the things that are working for you right now, because there’s a lot of things working for you. And it’s simple things. I have suffered from allergies when the pine trees or the Oak trees are in bloom.

Oh my gosh. I felt very different than cause you know, there’s nothing like being able to breathe clearly. That is abundance. Right. I can experience abundance with all of my senses and it’s not material possessions. That is one form of abundance. It’s how you experienced life. Is the true abundance. 

Susi Vine: I think that’s a really powerful shift rather than seeing abundance as a destination and gauging that gap.

I think that’s a really important thing to become aware of too, because I don’t know what this 

Elaine Starling: habit is 

Susi Vine: that we always have to be measuring, measuring ourselves up to standards or performance or expectations and whose are they anyway, ours or someone else’s. Instead of just being open to the experience, the feeling of gratitude.

I mean, you might, they’re, they’re aligned, I don’t know that gratitude can be used in place of abundance, but that feeling that joy, that effervescence, that we can get ourselves into when we really are present with our gratitude. Absolutely. And then we’re vibrating in that enter. Instead of holding ourselves back from it.

Elaine Starling: Absolutely. It makes a huge difference. It makes a huge difference in how you feel and how you enjoy the day and what you’re able to notice. You’re much more creative when you’ve come from that positive space. And yes, we all have those downtimes and we all noticed the gap and there’s a really important reason for that.

The reason why you’re here to begin with a reason why humanity was created to begin with is because we are here to continually learn and grow, to expand and become more and more aligned with the divine. And the more aligned we are with the divine, the more we grow, the more the divine growth. That’s why we are so important to the divine.

They are our biggest cheerleaders, our biggest allies, our biggest supporters, and we can allow them welcome them in to support us in what we’re doing. We don’t have to do it all ourselves. So one of the things that I really work closely with my clients on is focusing on the growth that you’re experiencing through the present situation.

You don’t have to be in control of everything. I have a very interesting growth situation going on for me right now because I did a Ted talk. It went great. It was tons of fun, but for whatever reason, my Ted talk was. Now, what that means is they have some questions about my talk. I provided the research that I use to back up what I said and all that.

But for whatever reason, it’s still flagged. You don’t have any recourse. You can’t reach out to anybody. You can’t connect with anybody there. No, nothing. It’s just often the void. So what I can do is I can stay at a space of a button. No, that this was something way better is happening for me. I can surround the entire situation with love and blessings and all the people involved, engaged all of them with love and blessings.

That’s what I can do. And it’s amazing. Just how powerful that is. There’s one other concept I really want to share with you because it’s so good. It’s so good. One of my favorite books, very ever books is called connected, really powerful book. So in the book connected, they talk about something called the three degrees of influence role.

And in the three degrees of influence rule, it turns out that everything you think say and do ripples out three levels away from you. Now, you kind of expect that your friends would be influenced by your opinions and your ideas and all this stuff. Yeah. Right? Well, it turns out it’s not just your friends.

If you’re at the middle of a book, There’s your 

Susi Vine: friends, friends, 

Elaine Starling: friends, three levels away from you. So then I did a little research and said, okay, so how many people on average does an American know 600 people? Okay. So your first ring is those 600 people that you know, and every single one of those 600 people knows 600 people.

Which is 360,000 people in your second ring away from you. And every single one of them knows 600 people, which is 216 million people. I’m using a calculator. That means you have influence over 216 million, 360,600 people. And that’s just you showing up being you that’s before you get on social media.

Whew. So here you are thinking poorly, you you’re all by yourself. You don’t make a difference. You don’t really matter, honey. You do. It’s really interesting because just having somebody in any of those three rings, who’s having a bad day. It has a potential of lowering your day and somebody who’s having a good day, dramatically lifts the good day for everybody in your bulls-eye.

So yeah. How you’re thinking, how you’re feeling, how you’re showing up resonates through your network. And it’s amazing the transformation you create the rest of the world, just by paying attention to how you feel. It’s incredibly powerful. 

Susi Vine: Super powerful. I’m so glad you know about this book. I’m not familiar with it yet, but it’s going on the short list?

Because one of my favorite statistics coming from the field of positive psychology and the science of happiness is that happiness has three degrees of impact. So exactly what you were saying, but just looking at one emotion, one impact that we can have. And when we consider that ripple effect of how we can be lifting up people that we may never come directly into context.

But those experiences matter, no matter how subtle they are. Beautiful. Ooh, I love it. That’s really exciting. a million people impacted by the way 

Elaine Starling: that we choose to show 

Susi Vine: up the way of being that we embrace. I mean, it doesn’t always have to be effortful. It’s not a matter of choosing and being and all of that simply.

Elaine Starling: That’s a form of being or welcoming that probe, depending on your preference.

How does allow look like for you 

Susi Vine: got a hand on the emergency hatch? 

Elaine Starling: That’s the problem for me without words. So, yeah, I know I have to not correct people because it doesn’t work for me, but it can work for you. That’s fine. 

Susi Vine: So what is one thing. And I feel like we touched on it, so we might be circling right back around.

What’s one thing we should never do. Is there something that we should be wary of, you know, might come second nature, or how does that shape up to maybe stand in our way of 

Elaine Starling: abundance? Well, one of the challenges is thinking that everybody else is exactly like. Thinking that they have the exact same thoughts, exact same preferences, exact same needs, exact same everything.

And as a consequence, think about it. This. There is no finish line to abundance. There is no finish line to your ability to grow and become more. There’s no limitation to how much gratitude you can feel, how much love you can feel, how much abundance you can experience abundance is just like breathing.

You keep doing it over and over and over again. As long as you’re alive, you definitely want to have goals, but those goals I heard it said really beautifully. Those goals, our guiding star. They’re not distant shores. They’re there to get you in action. They’re there to get you to experience abundance and experience growth, but that’s not really what you’re after.

Sure. Maybe you want a book to be a New York times bestseller. Absolutely. Go for it. You will learn a ton about yourself, about the process, about other people. And that’s the point. That’s why we always talk about how the, the real gift is the journey. The journey is the destination. It’s true. It really is because it gets you to level up and to notice your own leveling up.

That’s the other big mistake people make is they look outside for validation. They expect other people to notice their skills and abilities and, and to give them the recognition that they need to feel like they’ve arrived. You get to learn how to acknowledge yourself. And appreciate yourself. It was interesting just earlier this week, I was sitting for guidance with the divine and oh, because Valentine’s day was just yesterday and the divine said, so are you using the five love languages for yourself?

How are you using the five love languages for yourself? And I thought, well, yeah, I do too. Let’s see. How do we do that? Well, I realized that I, you there’s words of affirmation. I love Louise Hay’s mirror work, and she always says, I love and accept myself, which is really powerful. I use that, shifted it a little bit.

Now I say, I love and appreciate myself. That makes a difference for me because I want to get better at praising myself and celebrating in advance, but things are going well for me. So words of affirmation I love and appreciate myself surprises. Sometimes I buy myself flowers for no reason. I’m just, you know, I mean the mood for flowers, then I want a little lift, you know, something that gives you a little boost.

In emotion is the little surprise for yourself. Physical touch. I’m good about that. I do self massage. I use my favorite lotion every morning, stretching, working out exercise, something that gets me to really tune into my body and saver how wonderful it is to feel alive and able to breathe. When my allergies aren’t acting up, that’s a pity for me.

Quality time. For me, that means journaling taking the time to connect with the divine spending time to notice how I feel, notice my emotions and pay attention to any constriction or tightness in my body. Breathe through that. Love through that. And then acts of service. And for me, it’s things like planning ahead.

So I, I cut up food at a time, so it’s easier for me to create my meals. It’s also doing things for other people because when I am present for others, I have an opportunity to actually use my own gifts. Right. And then I see the look on their faces and I see the, oh my gosh, the, the transformation that they experienced and that lights me up every time they get this boost, I get a boost.

So I loved those acts of service. It’s just really powerful. And it was a really good reminder. Those five love languages are things we need to do for ourselves and acknowledge and appreciate ourselves. 

Susi Vine: That’s such a powerful reminder. Thank you for that. And perfectly time since we are in that season of Valentines, because I do think to your point of looking outside of ourselves for validation, it’s such a pitfall.

And we think that we have to only get. Value or discover our value in what we do for others. And there is that balance. We can selflessly give to others and see them experience joy and receive joy through that activity. But that’s not the meter of our worth. We’re not only what is reflected back to us.

That self-love is so important. And I do think that is essential to the vibration that we’ve been talking about of being open to abundance and the blessings that we are surrounded with. Because if we think we’re not worthy of that, Then we aren’t going to be seeing them 

Elaine Starling: at the top. Yeah. It’s really interesting.

Well, I talk about the abundance journey and I have a chart that is very much like a map, you know, there’s four quadrants north, south, east, west. And so the horizontal is your intention. And when your intention is to be right and be validated, and yes, I know what I’m talking about. That’s really the mind trying to take over.

And it’s kind of a sign of a little bit of insecurity because you want that justification. You want that validation and we all do. I’m not, you know, none of this is bad. It’s merely being aware of what exists. That’s, that’s truly the point. Now, the other extreme of intention, you either have the intention to be right.

Or you have the intention to be receptive. You’re curious, you’re interested. You want to know more? You’re just like a sponge soaking stuff up because you already have your framework, your structure, what works for you and you don’t have to justify or explain or validate or, or anything. You’re confident in who you are and what you’re doing, and you’re open and receptive to understanding and feeling what others are experiencing.

So that’s the horizontal bar. The vertical bar is your attention. So there’s intention how you want to feel in the present moment and there’s attention what’s you’re focused on. So you can either be focused on all the things that are not working for you right now. Or you can focus on the things that are working for you right now, because guaranteed they’re both present at the exact same time every time.

And you control where you put your attention.

Susi Vine: And we like to say energy goes where your attention, how do I always say that wrong energy flows, where your attention goes? I believe I got a little closer to mark. So being aware of that is huge and so, so important. I think that’s really powerful points that you made there. I love that graph. I think you have that on your website so people can go back and collect that visual@theabundancejourney.com.

Elaine Starling: Yes. 

Susi Vine: And as long as we’re telling people how to get connected with you, you also have a gift that’s available for our. I 

Elaine Starling: do. It’s called the abundance process. So if you go to my website, you’ll see a picture of me about to say something it’s a video. And if you put in your email and opt-in, you’ll be able to watch the video, it’s a simple five step process.

It’s very fun and playful because that’s what the divine is all about. And it’s deliberately trying to raise your energy. And so, yeah, it’s going to get you out of your comfort zone and get you really comfortable and fun with abundance. It’s really fun. 

Susi Vine: I love it. Best self-love gift. You can give yourself as to make friends with that energy.

I definitely agree. What what do I, what is a secret to, I, I thank you for sharing with me some key points that we want to make sure to miss, and I’m going to circle back at the end and see if there’s anything. Cause we could go on and on and on. 

Elaine Starling: We knew that before 

we 

Susi Vine: started, what is a secret that the pros know that our audience doesn’t about.

Elaine Starling: Ah, you’re making me open the Komodo.

Okay. So the real key is to pay attention to how you feel, pay attention to how you feel. We all have. Those issues that come up where we don’t feel good about ourselves, or we are struggling with something, there’s a challenge that happens and sure you can complain, you can rant and rave about it. You can get really irritated about it, own how you feel.

None of your emotions are wrong or bad. They are there as guideposts as signposts. You know, if you’re on the freeway, And you aren’t sure if it’s north or south and you need to go south, you want to signpost that helps you understand where you’re going and motions do the exact same. So you really want to tune in to how you feel and go into your body and look for the sensations, the physical sensations that are going on in your body.

One of the things that the pros know to do is to always acknowledge and respect how they feel and breathe into. You breathe into the tension or the tingling or the tightness or the soreness or the pain, whatever it is, you go inside, find where that is and breathe into it. Because every breath that you take, you’re actually breathing in divine energy and you’re exhaling anything that doesn’t serve you anymore.

And if you bring that image to mind, as you focus on your body and you just breathe into those images, It allows you to move past the current situation because emotions are very much like a wave on the shore at the beach, you know, it comes up and it lingers for a little bit, and then it recedes and science has shown that it takes 90 seconds for your body to process an emotion.

But when you’re dealing with something really difficult, maybe you’re grieving because a loved one has passed. Every time you think that thought they’re not here anymore. You get that same emotional wave back again. And again, and again, it’s almost like stubbing your toe and thinking, wow, that really hurt.

I think I’ll stop it again. Oh yeah. It still hurts. DD. Every time I kicked that thing, it hurts. Well, your thoughts are guiding you to have that same. Unpleasant experience. So if you recognize that someone’s passing is a graduation for them, it’s like the difference between kindergarten and first grade kindergarten.

There’s nap time. First grade. There’s no more nap time when we’re physical, we have a body when we’re not physical, we don’t have a. But we’re still learning. We’re growing, we’re exploring, we’re doing all kinds of fabulous things and it’s hard to describe what’s going on. I was really blessed to spend 10 years helping my parents and in-laws with end of life issues.

And after each person passed, it took them a few days. They were busy at first, but then they started showing up in different ways. My father-in-law sends blue birds and they fly alongside until they get my attention. And then they fly over head, the blue bird of happiness. He’s just wanting me to know he’s there and he’s sending me blessings.

My dad helps me merge onto the freeway. He was always really worried about me getting on the freeway. So there’s space. It makes it really easy for me to get on the freeway. And I always say, thanks, dad. I really appreciate it. My mom and mother-in-law show up in different ways too. They still communicate with you.

And when you can be receptive and open to that and playful with that, it’s much easier for them to get through. So yes, you have an emotion that comes up for you. Respected honor it, go inside to give it love and blessings. It’s a direction it’s a signpost for you. And then. Recognize that you were surrounded by angels and you are blessed beyond measure and ask yourself a different question.

How is this empowering me? How am I growing through this? What skills does this inspire me to apply? I got to tell you I’m often reminded listening is a really good skill. You know, you can work on that one little bit, you know, be good.

Oh, there’s so, 

Susi Vine: so much important in what you just shared. I’m so grateful that 

Elaine Starling: a little bit further 

Susi Vine: because it’s so, so true. We put so much energy into trying to control our emotions, categorizing what is appropriate and not appropriate and thinking we can come back to it later, which of course we’re never going to do.

It’s going to find its own way back to their surface. And usually at the worst possible time to just allow. The experience just the same way we can allowing welcoming to, well, that’s the way that we can begin to welcome being in abundance instead of chasing. Something that we are someone else has defined as abundance, right?

Welcoming that emotions are there for a purpose for a reason. So, right. We acknowledge, we need a little extra support that isn’t an experience we want to repeat for ourselves when we’re open to the. Then that’s a beautiful analogy, right? Instead of sitting in the loss of grief, we can be open to the signs and the connections that are still available to us instead of closing doors on things.

And really not only limiting the abundance that we’re allowed, but just the experience being present to the joy and everything else that is available for us to, to be a part of today. 

Elaine Starling: Very true. Very well said. 

Susi Vine: Well you, you planted the seed. I just had to go play 

Elaine Starling: in it for a minute 

Susi Vine: beautifully put I really, I really think there’s so much there and I hope that.

People listening, watching have been feeling frustrated as, as I’ve already, you know, referred the last two years have not necessarily been easy. Lots of opportunities for us to say, how am I growing through this experience? What, how is this making me a stronger person? Perspective is so, so powerful. And so just being open, welcoming the possibility that is not something we have to go and pursue, but it’s all.

Around us, we just haven’t been letting ourselves see it. It’s really extraordinary. 

Elaine Starling: Yeah. One of the things that I think has been a positive with the last couple of years with COVID and social distancing and all of that, we have been asked to be our own champion. We’ve been asked to love ourselves into a better space.

And yeah, that’s challenging because it’s not something we’re really used to doing. It’s not something our society typically embraces, you know, We, we pretend that it’s all about ego when it’s really not love is truly all there is. So why not love yourself? 

Susi Vine: That’s right. No more waiting for permission and passing these bars of, you know, acceptance or quote unquote worthiness, but simply recognizing.

Elaine Starling: Yep. There’s one other story that I just want to share with you. I live in the wine country outside of Sacramento and we took lessons on how to make wine. And it was really interesting because there was a guy there who has a little boutique winery and he does his own stuff. And he was coaching all of the rest of us.

And one night I raised his hand. He’s like, I like my wine. I can drink my wine, but my wife, none of my friends, like my wine, what’s up with that. And the expert got back and said, look, no two people have the same taste buds. No two people interpret things exactly the same way. No two people have the same preferences.

So when somebody asks you, why you made your wine the way you did your response is always, it’s a stylistic preference. And it occurred to me that your entire life is a stylistic preference. The things that make you laugh out loud are different than the things somebody else would laugh at. Right? Your sense of humor is a little different and it’s those beautiful differences that make you so.

Blessed such a treasure, so valuable to everyone around you and to yourself, those little quirks that you have are a big part of your brilliance. So instead of beating yourself up or thinking that you’re not enough, or you’re not perfect, or you’re not this, you’re not that you are perfect. You’re perfect because you were made with those little imperfections and that’s what makes you perfect.

Susi Vine: And that carries me back to what you were saying earlier in that we have so much, we can learn if we’re open to receive from the divine and the divine is thrilled at what they get to bring in from our experiences. It really is a beautiful circuit of experience and growing in wisdom and awareness and really uplifting 

Elaine Starling: all parts.

Very true. Very true. The divine gets to celebrate, experiencing the divine by being you, you are letting the divine flow through you as you, when you give out of your own way and stop trying to control everything and stop being worried about what other people think of you and all of that. And instead you just celebrate being who you are and using your innate gifts, your skills, and just having a blast.

’cause when you do that and you’re willing to live in that space and saver the joy of life. You open it up for everybody else to do the same.

Susi Vine: And that is one thing that the world needs more of. 

Elaine Starling: Yeah. Oh yeah. So 

Susi Vine: if this isn’t quite what you thought you’d be listening to today, we invite you to embark upon an experiment step into this space of allowing of curiosity. Absolute potential and try it on for size. I love it. Just, just beaming, beaming, joy, so much fun.

I’ve had so much fun in this conversation with you, Elaine. Thank you so very much for being a part of the program. Is there anything I haven’t let you explore yet in our conversation? Obviously not to go on. 

Elaine Starling: I think one of the key things that I want to make sure everybody takes away from this, you are a blessing.

You are a huge blessing just by being who you are and you are blessed. There’s a great little book called hiring the heavens. I really love this book. It’s a ton of fun, short, easy read. And basically what the author is saying is you can hire angel. To be on committees to work for you. So if you’re traveling across town and you’re worried about traffic, you can hire a traffic angel.

You can hire angels to clear the roads and get rid of the construction and make it really easy for you to get where you need to go. You can hire angels to help you with your marketing copy. You can hire angels to help you with every aspect of your. They work for cheap. They work for, thank you. You thank them out loud and you have to talk to them out loud.

And what is that? It’s playful. It’s fun. It’s silly. The divine is trying to get you to lighten up and play with them because they really will open doors for you and make it a whole lot easier and more fun. And every single person I’ve talked to who has used this technique, hiring the habit. It works. It works.

Our minds cannot understand why it works or how it works, but our hearts know our hearts. Get it. So that’s the last thing I’d like to just say is you are a blessing and you are so blessed and so enjoy it, savor it and share it. 

Susi Vine: Absolutely beautiful. Thank you. Thank you for that inspiration to call on those divine, those divine help.

They’re just waiting for their cue. I love it. I’m so grateful for your time joining us on the show. And I know as your podcast becomes available, we’ll be sure to circle back and include that link here in the show notes. So people can hop right on over and explore more on this journey with you in your insights and wisdoms to abundance.

Elaine Starling: Thank you so much. What a blast Suzy. So fun. Always talking to you. And this has been a real delight. Thank you. You’re so 

Susi Vine: welcome. Take good care.