Just like how the most important meal of the day is breakfast, the moment you wake up is the most crucial time to put your mind into the game. By getting that mindful morning, getting rid of fears and uncertainty will be a bit easier every single day. Susi Vine interviews Jen Durcok and Daniel Laporte of Flow State to talk about the importance of proper communication skills and self-awareness to achieve personal growth and effectively convey your thoughts to others. Jen and Daniel share the most efficient ways to integrate such refreshing endeavors into your routine and discover a better you. Furthermore, they discuss the power of self-care, emphasizing why it is not a selfish practice but a way to rejuvenate yourself and get that much-needed drive to hit your goals. 

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Watch the episode here:

The Power Of A Mindful Morning

I’m so happy to share with you a terrific conversation I shared with Jen Durcok and Daniel Laporte. These two are the Cofounders and Owners of Flow State, practice specializing in stress and anxiety coaching. They come from respectively healing work and personal training backgrounds. They bring this all together to share a beautiful holistic way of working with their clients to help them get clear on how to put themselves and their needs first, in order to have optimal health and wellbeing. I know you’re going to get a lot of great takeaways from this conversation. Sit back and enjoy.  

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I am joined by Jen Durcok and her partner, Daniel Laporte. They are the Cofounders and Owners of Flow State, specializing in stress and anxiety coaching. Their life experience and varied careers, including work as a mechanic, bartender, teacher, firefighter, and personal trainer between the two of them inform the work they now share with clients. When they met, Dan was running a very successful personal training studio that offered personal training, group classes, as well as nutrition and lifestyle coaching.  

While Jen was building a healing practice, focused on helping people identify then work through their life blocks by understanding their core wounds and doing active inner work to heal their limiting beliefs and self-defeating subconscious behaviors. They combined forces to create what is now Flow State. Jen and Dan have both found their passion in coaching people to help them heal and grow personally and professionally. Their genius lies in understanding human behavior and in their unique ability to distill complex human problems into simple, easy to understand concepts, which are easy to implement in everyday life.  

They help clients to gain more awareness around their limiting beliefs and behaviors by building a better relationship with themselves and helping them identify their needs triggers and subconscious conditioning. With this awareness, their clients are able to overcome roadblocks, create more happiness, achieve better relationships and successfully attain their career goals. It’s easy to see why I feel so aligned with the work that these two are doing up in Canada. I’m passionate about recognizing the issues of stress and anxiety, but certainly, I love how the two of you, Jen and Dan are digging down into the stuff that’s beneath the waterline, if you will. The things that we don’t tend to be aware of and these blocks that hold us back. Thank you both for joining me.  

Thanks for having us.  

We’re excited to be here.  

I’m excited about the work that you’re doing. As a multipotentialite myself, I had a very long and varied history of different careers. It’s terrific how that brings so much more to the table. Perhaps to start off, could you both give me a little bit of information on how you ended up in your current iteration in your coaching work before you joined forces to create Flow State?  

It’s interesting. I was a mechanic for fifteen years and I enjoyed the trade. I didn’t enjoy the industry. I realized quickly the stress, the anxiety, and pressure that came with it and realized I was going to have to make a change. While it wasn’t mechanic, I did realize that I liked teaching people and I like helping people. That was one of the main takeaways I got from mechanic. I moved into personal training by an accident. I was into fitness and strength sports, and people wanted to look to me to help teach them. I refound that passion in something that was new and exciting. I became a personal trainer, left mechanics, open my gym, and ran that several years. That was when I started to learn, before meeting Jen, that it was people were getting in their way a lot. Even if they had everything that they needed in front of them, they wouldn’t necessarily use it. It started to gear up this new want to coach people in a different aspect. When Jen came along with her experience, it skyrocketed from there.  

For myself, I started out going to university to be a teacher. I’m a qualified high school teacher and the same idea. I liked teaching, don’t necessarily like teaching in the education system. From there we have been searching for what fits me. I got interested in firefighting, did that for a little while, ended up getting hurt. I got hired, got hurt, and then that ended up turning into a giant depression. In pulling myself out of that, I did a lot of inner work. I started doing a lot of energy work and healing and got into personal training. I’d always had an interest in fitness and nutrition, but I got even more into it. I started doing personal training and that’s how I met Dan and through the inner work that I had been doing, I started my own business, which rolled into coaching people on doing the same thing that I was doing and then joined forces, and here we are.  

That’s terrific when our own experience is able to inform. It helps us see the issues that other people are struggling with. Like you’re saying, it’s not a complicated process to start turning things around to make a shift and yet taking action, taking that first step without getting overwhelmed or psyching ourselves out of the game is such a big hurdle. A lot of people never make it past that first one.  

A lot of times I find figuring out what the first step is to take, that’s where a lot of people get stuck. One of the things that both Dan and I are passionate about is helping people get through that first stage, that first fear stage process of even taking actions. Once you get rolling, it builds momentum and keeps going.  

That’s powerful. I know I’ve got a whole list of questions, but I’m inspired by what you’re saying already. What is this fear stage or state that we get into that immobilizes us where we are stopped and probably in pain with the situation, we’re in?  

The first one seems to be a theme, is like reflecting on what that fear is and then where it comes from. There’s a two-stage process. One is analyzing, is this fear rational at first? Sometimes it’s irrational and we can put it to bed right away and then sometimes it is rational. If it is then, you’re forced with two possibilities. One is like you said, you don’t get started because you let it keep you from taking the first action step. Two, you realize that it’s going to be a hard road and you do determine the action steps. As you determine the action steps, that fear tends to fade away because you know where to put your first foot to get going.  

I liked that. I think that’s true. We get overwhelmed by looking at how far we have to go, not knowing all of the steps we need to take to get to our goal, and lose sight. It takes one step, make one step every day in that direction that you want to be moving towards and you’re going to start seeing the changes that then build that momentum. What do you find are some of the most impactful things that people can do for themselves in order to help them reduce stress? Since that’s my jam and build resilience, which I think we all have hold and equal respect and high regard.  

For us, the biggest things that we feel that people can do are learning how to set intentions as well as learning how to reflect on themselves like situations, relationships with other people. Another big step for us is self-care, as well as, the last big one for us is communication. Learning the proper communication skills, which requires both listening and being able to speak clearly. I’ll say concisely, but learning how to speak in a way that you’re saying exactly what you’re trying to say. There’s a lot of misunderstanding that often happens with communications, which is where you get bogged down because somebody gets information that you didn’t mean to give. Those are probably the three things that have the biggest impact.  

It can be difficult to get through that filter that other people are listening through. It’s influenced by so many other things, other input that they’ve gotten other research that they’ve done usually online and gone down that rabbit hole and like, “I’ll try this and maybe this will work.” A scattershot approach that doesn’t start moving them forward, which then leads to some of that fear. I’ve tried it before it didn’t work. How is this different? You lead off with intention and reflection. This is something that I discover more and more as I’m talking with people and exploring where they’re at and where they want to go is, how many people are not clear on exactly what they want to create or cultivate, like getting clear on that intention. No wonder it’s such an important initial step. How do you lead people to get clear on that? 

Although we set intention reflection, I think that reflection comes first. We need to live our experiences in order to realize what we do and don’t like. Once we’ve lived in experience, for the most part, a lot of people go through their lives without doing any reflections. They know they don’t like something, but they don’t understand why. Without understanding why and having that awareness, we can’t move forward any further. We start with reflection and building self-awareness to be aware of what it is that we want and not what it is that we may be conditioned to want. Once we can get that hurdle out of the way, which can be a big hurdle, then we move into the action steps, which would be setting the intention.  

Once we’ve realized that let’s say, we don’t want to get started on this project because we’re scared of not having enough money. While we hold, we’ve now discovered why it is that we’re scared of getting started. We now look at what is rational. What are the rational reasons and what can we do about them? You start to see your actual action steps. Once you have your action steps, you have your intentions. You need to lay them out and prioritize them. Lay them out in the order that you want to do them and then stick to them, ultimately. Laying them out and sticking to them will save a lot of stress.  

That brings clarity and helps you set priorities when everything is in a soup. I know everything I should be doing, but I’ve only got this much juice. This much willpower as I start the day so how am I going to use that to my best advantage. I love what you’re saying too, about the value of reflection. You have to put that first before you start painting a pretty picture. In terms of what it is that you’re afraid of as well as what it is you’re trying to create. That is important. It takes a little bit of time. It takes some meditation or mindfulness. It takes a little bit of guidance and people want to like, “I’m motivated t. I want to take action, so maybe I can skip that because I’m pretty sure I know what I want,” without acknowledging why it hasn’t worked before.  

One of the things that you said that’s important is that it like the soup that you’re talking about is full often of things that you don’t even actually want. You’ve been brought up to think that you want X, Y, Z be it getting married, having children, having this house, having this career, whatever it is that you’ve been conditioned to want by other people, it’s sifting through those things and seeing if those things even match what’s inside you to what you’re passionate about. If you’re trying to set intentions for something that you’re not passionate about, you’re not going to have any motivation to do those things. You’re going to find that’s what’s going to block you is the fact that you don’t even want that in the first place, which is going to be hard to, never mind get started, but continue on with something like that.  

It’s such so much value in that process of getting clear, checking in, and staying current. Even when we get clear after some reflection and say, “These are my priorities.” They can shift. Life changes so we keep coming back to that. You also talked about self-care, which is powerful because I like to say self-care isn’t selfish. It might take time away from the people that we love or other things we feel we should be doing. However, it’s so fundamental and restorative. It’s easy for it to get a bad wrap because it’s got this the wrappings of self-care means going to the spa for the day or doing this. Instead of it being a manifestation of self-love like, “I love myself, make myself a priority and this is how I care for myself. This is what I require.” How do you share that with your folks?  

One of the things that I like to use on analogy, being I can either use like a cup filled with water or whatever you want to fill it with or a battery, often I find myself lately using like a cellphone is a good example. If you’re a cellphone and you have like a certain amount of battery life, you’re going to be able to work until that battery ends. If you don’t charge that battery, are you going to be able to continue using that phone? Not. We’ve all had that happen. We’ve all had our phones die on us. What you need to think of self-care or you think needs to think of self-care as here is that you’re taking time to charge the battery. You can’t give what you don’t have. If you’re not charging the battery, you don’t have any energy to give to other people. That’s often when you’re going to find yourself being super irritable, snapping, being angry for no reason, getting upset for no reason. All it requires sometimes is taking a nap, which is also self-care.  

You struggle through the whole day like a ten–minute nap would turn the whole ship around. You’re going to power through, struggle with focus, irritability, and everything else, and all you need to is tune in and say like, “A nap. A healthy lunch instead of a fast–food lunch,” whatever shape that is. 

A twenty–minute walk, whatever it is that you’re doing to recharge and give yourself some me–time, some self-love and then you’re ready to go for another however long.  

It’s like the perfect thing you said, self-care keeps you out of the soup. We, unfortunately, we’re not like cell phones that we can plug in and keep working on. We have to stop until it’s fully charged again. It’s a process that takes practice and it takes getting to know yourself to know what you need and when you need it. It takes self-worth to know to give it to yourself and prioritize yourself over others, which is not something we’re taught to do in our lifetime.  

We’re shaped by the expectations of parents, of teachers, and then we’re expected to go right into work and keep on checking the boxes in that regard. It is, it’s something that a lot of us have never had the opportunity to learn or even see modeled successfully how important it is to put ourselves first so that we have more to give to the people and the projects that we want to. Self–care keeps you out of the soup. I’m going to keep working that I think there’s a lot there. Where do you see communication coming into it or how do you facilitate that?  

Communication, we’ve listed them in the form intention and reflection are part of self-care. You can’t communicate properly until you reflect on what it is that you even want to communicate if that makes sense. A lot of people, one of the issues that they run into when it comes to communication is communicating what they need from another person. That’s important in figuring out exactly what your needs are and then figuring out an appropriate way to communicate that with somebody and developing those skills. Those skills aren’t taught either. Developing those skills is super important in being able to meet your own needs because boundaries are also a part of communication and self-care. It helps to be able to communicate them effectively. 

If you push through too far, it all lands in a big mess.  

I think everything everyone is sharing is very is bang on. When it comes to understanding needs, it’s easier for some people, harder for others. When it comes to communication, like Jen said, if you’re not aware of what your needs are and if you’re one of those people who’s not, and it tends to be men, but women it’s the same thing for some women. It depends on the regard or the aspect or whatever we’re talking about. If you’re unaware of communicating what you need, but you’re listening to what the others need, you may think you’re getting done like you’re doing what you need to be doing, but you’re not. You’re not doing it from the right place. If all one person in a relationship ever does is worry about meeting the needs of the other and not their own, and they’re not able to, because they’re not able to communicate. They don’t know what they are, or they feel scared to communicate what they’re feeling, that creates a lot of tension.  

I haven’t raised children. I have a beautiful step-daughter and it was fully grown when I came into the relationship that I’m in and so I speak with zero authority. It seems to me that’s so empowering when you are in a relationship or you’re raising a family and you’re able to demonstrate that your health and wellbeing is so important and therefore theirs is too. When you can model that you get to communicate to your needs, you get to make your self-care priority, that’s huge for the people in your life so that they too can start taking on that authority.  

Completely agree. It’s one of the things that haven’t been modeled. At least in my experience throughout my life, self-care was never one of the things that were modeled. It was more, the traditional roles of men and women are what was modeled, so that’s what I grew up thinking was normal. Everything changes when you start taking care of yourself. 

That’s the perfect place. Before you start adding more layers and complications to it is, if you have that opportunity to get clear and to put yourself first as early as possible, then the relationships you enter into and cultivate all come from that place. You’re centered, grounded, and strong and those relationships serve you rather than draining you. I’m so excited that we’re finally getting to chat. I’m glad that we were connected. What are some small steps? We’ve talked about a lot, some important concepts. People might want to go back and read again because this is juicy stuff. How would you suggest if people are inspired to get started or take action, how can they incorporate some of these processes into their daily routines?  

The first starting point for us, whenever we start with anyone new, any new clients or ourselves, in particular, is a morning practice. Jen’s morning practice looks pretty different from mine. Some aspects are fairly similar and some are different. This comes back to everyone having different needs and being willing to give yourself what you need and taking the time to reflect on what you need in that aspect. Each of our morning practices includes a gratitude practice. We do three things we’re grateful for. It can be quick, or it can be long.  

We like to write, so sometimes it can be a little long. Essentially, that’s a form of reflection on what you appreciated of today or yesterday. It helps charge that battery for moving forward. We would do affirmations. You can do as many or as little as you want. They can be shorter, they can be long. We would do affirmations in there and that’s again, reflecting on what is the story that’s in my head and what do I want it to look like moving forward? We write those out and then we’ll set our intention. Jen is our self-care intention queen. 

What I’ve started doing with myself, my morning practice has evolved over the few years that I’ve been doing a morning practice. It started out small with the three gratitudes. Since incorporating daily intentions in, I’ve found that it helps set in your brain what you want to do for that day. If you’re writing down like, “These are the three specific things that I want to get done today,” anything else is the icing on the cake, then you feel that sense of accomplishment when you get those three things done. The way that my morning practice has evolved is that I’ll have work intentions and self-care intentions. For every work intention that I put down, I also have a self-care and I bounce back and forth between the two. I can work something for self-care and go throughout my day doing that. I found it’s working well to keep me balanced.  

I love that making a priority in the self-care and not letting it fill in around the edges.  

You’re setting an intention to do that. You’re always an importance. Taking care of yourself is always an important piece of your day, straight from the beginning.  

That’s so powerful. I struggle with being consistent about a morning practice. I can still see very clearly the difference in the days when I get it done, and the days when I think, “I’ve got too much, I’m going to dive in.” I know what about a knockout. I’m scattered. My focus is shot. I don’t feel at the end of the day, like I’ve been able to cross things off my list the same way that I do when I take some time and get centered and say, “This is what matters.” The rest can be icing like you say. We’ll start with the basics.  

The only other last piece to a morning practice that we do and this isn’t necessarily. We try and do it every morning, but sometimes it ends up being like a nighttime ritual or whatever, but usually, daily we try and do some form of reflection. Even if it’s a little piece of like, “This happened yesterday, this is something I could have done better. This is something I would like to look at,” or even writing a question for like a journal entry for the next day. Something that pops up throughout the day, “I should maybe investigate this feeling a little bit more,” and incorporate the reflection right into your morning breakfast. 

We’ve got gratitude, affirmation, intention, and reflection, that’s like a powerful foundation right there. As you said, wherever it fits. If the reflection comes up a little later in the day, as long as it’s something you keep in mind, wherever that fits and serves you. We get into this frenetic pace, and then we start repeating the same mistakes or operating from habit. Recognizing it’s not the best, but not putting that reflection into how can we optimize this? Much of what we do comes from habit. It can be hard to start moving the needle, but as you get a little more comfortable and confident in that, it makes space for other things to shift too. I think a big part is helping people, not psych themselves out upfront, “My morning practice. I never have time anyway. How am I going to add this to my day?” 

This is what I found when I originally first started doing a morning practice, I set three things that I was grateful for aside. The first three things I ever said, I was grateful for like, I was grateful for my bed. I was grateful for coffee and I was grateful for showers. It takes twenty seconds to write those down. As you get more comfortable with it and you feel more comfortable giving yourself that time in the morning and noticing you were saying the difference between when you do it and when you don’t it. That starts to solidify. It makes it easier to add a little bit more in when you’re ready. It’s a trial and error process.  

There are different formulas out there. There’s a million-dollar morning, a lot of successful people swear by their morning practice. If it doesn’t work for you, you won’t do it. Whatever form it takes, is what’s going to be the best for you. This is a great time to get it going. The year is young. Let’s keep those intentions strong and keep self-first.  

Set some good self-care intentions for the new year.  

You two had something that you are kind enough to be willing to share with our readers. Can you tell us about that?  

We’re offering a 30-minute coaching session. Nice and short, and we try to get to know what’s going on and get whatever tips and tricks in that we can. A little bit of reflection at the beginning because oftentimes that’s the most important part. We lay out a couple of action steps, same as we talked about, reflection, intention, and then action steps. We tackle one pesky problem.  

Start moving the needle. That’s so powerful. It might seem like 30 seconds is rushed and where’s the part where I’m going to get sold but the thing is, this is an awesome way to get some benefit. You covered the key points that we were talking about, the reflection, a couple of in action steps to tackle one thing. To start small and make sure it serves you and an opportunity to have a conversation and see if it’s a good fit. If you decide to move forward or start with one thing and see what space that creates to move on to next. You’re so generous. Thank you for that. If people want to keep up with you on social media, where can they find you?  

We are @FlowState.ca on Instagram and Facebook.  

I think I saw some videos on Instagram too, so you guys are great about sharing content and can keep it stuff going. Is there anything else that you want to share?  

No, I think that was amazing.  

We had a blast. This is awesome.  

Maybe I’ll get you guys to come back and join me again. We can continue this conversation. I love the work that you’re doing, the whole comprehensive approach to it. A lot of people might recognize their body needs help, but want to fast forward on the spiritual balance. Keeping that all integrated and moving it forward together, I think is where people are going to see some profound shifts happen.  

Thank you so much for having us on.  

It’s been a treat. Thank you both for your time. I look forward to catching up with you soon.  

 Important Links:

• Flow State 
• @FlowState.ca - Instagram 
• Facebook – Flow State 

About Jen Durcok and Daniel Laporte

Jen Durcok and her partner Dan Laporte are the co-founders and owners of Flow State, specializing in Stress and Anxiety coaching. Jen & Dan have both found their passion in coaching people to help them heal and grow personally & professionally.

Their genius lies in understanding human behavior, and in their unique ability to distill complex human problems into simple, easy-to-understand concepts, which are easy to implement in everyday life.

They help clients to gain more awareness around their limiting beliefs and behaviors by building a better relationship with themselves so they can overcome roadblocks, create more happiness, achieve better relationships, and successfully attain their career goals.