Janelle Anderson helps women business owners and leaders embrace their greatness so they can fully show up, stand up, and speak up in fearless confidence. As a victim of rape and sex trafficking in her early twenties, Janelle spent decades trying to hide her past and living a diminished, timid life. When she discovered a path of deep healing and transformation in her mid-fifties, she was finally able to break free of the shame that held her hostage to her traumatic past.

In this episode we discuss

• Why so many women live life “playing small”, with low confidence and plagued by self doubt
• How trauma may be holding you back, without even realizing it
• Facing the inner critic, or “gremlin”
• The power of releasing shame and guilt
• Why it’s important for every woman to “take center stage” of her own life
• Having patience with the Self Awareness process
• Ways to build on your natural strengths
• Janelle’s special STAR process

If you want to take the free Strengths Finder assessment you can do that on the VIA Character Institute website here: http://thrivinglife.pro.viasurvey.org

Janelle is an author, speaker, and podcast host of the Women Emerging Fearlessly podcast. Her newly released book, Take Center Stage: Be the Star of Your Own Story, is now available on Amazon.

Our audience can enjoy Janelle’s free guide, “5 Keys to Transform Self-Doubt to Fearless Confidence”

https://bit.ly/5keystofearlessconfidence

And learn more about Janelle’s upcoming events & programs through her website:

https://www.emerginglifecoaching.com/

Susi Vine: Welcome back. I’m so happy to have you with us this week for a conversation with Janell Anderson. I know you’re gonna get a lot out of this conversation. It might take us some unexpected places. But her experience has a lot of insight and learning that can benefit all of us from whatever point of life we’re jumping in on the story.

Janell is a confidence coach for women, business owners and leaders, helping them embrace their greatness and know their immense value so they can fully show up, stand up and speak up and fearless confidence. She knows what it’s like to live with a cloak of shame and a feeling of utter worthless. As a victim of rape and sex trafficking in her early twenties, Jenelle lived for over 30 years, trying to hide her past and living a diminished timid life.

She discovered a path of deep healing and transformation in her mid fifties, enabling her to finally break off the shame that held her hostage to her traumatic. As a result, Janell found herself rising up and stepping out from her hiding place to stand firmly in the center stage of her life. With new found fearless confidence as a professional certified coach, master energy leadership index practitioner and core dynamics specialist.

She now helps other women find their own healing through their transformational stop. Process her signature course speak confidently to sell empowers women to speak up and stand out in the marketplace. She’s also an author, speaker and podcast host of women emerging fearlessly her newly. Book take center stage be the star of your own story is now available on Amazon.

You haven’t been up to much. 

Janelle Anderson: It’s been quiet, not much 

Susi Vine: Jenelle. Thank you for making time. And joining me. I’m so happy to have you with me on the show 

Janelle Anderson: and I’m excited to be here, Susi, and just thrilled that too. You invited me and that we can have this little chat today. 

Susi Vine: Yes, yes. And I think that. There’s so much that we can explore through your experience, your path to being where you are now.

I think it’s really fascinating and I’ve been having some conversations lately with people who, when we reached this point in our lives, you know, passing through the forties, entering the fifties, we start to get clear on, you know, time isn’t waiting around for us. It’s time to kind of step forward to stake our own claim and to stand up for our.

Janelle Anderson: If we haven’t 

Susi Vine: already, it’s interesting to watch some of the newer generations not have maybe as much hesitancy there. So I find it really fascinating. So I’d love to hear that a little bit about your story. Maybe what clarity or impetus brought you to this. Stepping into the new chapter. I see a lot of book analogies coming today.

Yeah, 

Janelle Anderson: yeah. About that. That’s pretty cool. So I, you know, like in the intro, you, you, you hit on it. You know, I really spent most of my adult life hiding from my past or trying to, and trying to hide myself behind the curtain, you know, of, it felt like that’s what I was doing, hiding behind the curtain, afraid to come out into my life and be me and be seen and be heard and feeling like I didn’t.

Have what it took really. And I was playing small. I didn’t go for big dreams. I would always think, oh, well I better not try that. Cause I don’t think I can do it. And there was always this self-doubt lack of confidence, lack of feeling like my voice mattered or anybody wanted to hear what I had to say.

And I did not. Sync that to my past, all that time, I just took all that trauma. It was about a 10 year period of time in my life, packed it away in a room in the house and just lock the door and thought, well, if I don’t think about it, it’s in the past. So why should I have to talk about it? Think about it or whatever.

It has no relevance for me in my life. And that’s how I lived for 30 some years. And people didn’t know, you know, I looked like I was living a normal life and for the most part, you know, it was a pretty good life. It’s just that I had this lack of confidence and lack of like standing up for myself, not pursuing things I really wanted to do.

And so I just kind of tolerated and sort of, yeah. It’s just good enough. And when I hit my fifties, that’s when that whole like, oh my gosh, 50 years, 50 years or something that just happened like half a century. What happened? When did that happen? Like really, you know, that’s how it feels. And you don’t feel like you’re older.

All this time, you’re, you know, you’re just living life and you’re thinking of yourself as a younger person, right? When you check off the age things on those forms, but then it starts getting up there and you realize, oh my gosh, younger people are looking at me as older. Like I’m actually in that, I’m in that segment now.

So it was a huge, huge wake up call. You know, my daughter had graduated and moved away across the country and. I, I had gone through 20 some years as a teacher and I was feeling like, you know, not fulfilled there. And then my husband and I opened a business that I thought, oh, this will be fun. But it was really a lot of work and long, long hours, it was a family fun center.

And I was hitting menopause at the same time. So working long hours dealing with menopause and all this stuff started to come up. And I began to realize that I’m not. I am not happy. And time went by really fast. So I need to do something I need, I need to figure this out. I need to find out w who am I, what path should I be on?

What, what should I be doing that is fulfilling my purpose? And making me feel fulfilled, you know, life is too short to not be doing that thing. And during that period of time, I decided to find out what that thing was. And I was not going to settle for just another job. I was already bored and restless with what I was already doing.

And I wanted to find that thing that would really be exciting and fill, you know, fulfill me and be pat something I’m passionate about as I was doing that. And then I found coaching. And even through my coach training that journey there is where I hit the wall and realize that I have to go back inside the house and open the door to that room.

And deal with that stuff because it’s holding me back and making me play small and making me feel like even in my coach training, I remember one of our exercises we had to get up in front of everyone and talk about our gremlin and, and the opposite message to the gremlin, which is your inner critic.

And I couldn’t think of the opposite message. I couldn’t think of anything to say. And my message was, nobody wants to hear what I have do. And I stood there for the longest time feeling embarrassed. And, you know, I, I was not very confident in front of people. I thought I wanted to just die and disappear.

And one of the classmates chimes in and she goes, well, you are inspiring. What about that? As your opposite? You know, message. And I really like, yeah, that’s what I want. I want to be inspiring instead of boring. And I grabbed a hold of that, but I realized, you know, I was really being blocked by something.

So. Dive into doing that work and got some help. And we went in there and pulled everything out, all that old stuff and process through it. And it got a lot of healing. It did a lot of forgiving, but in the process, the most beautiful thing happened. I realized that all those years I had been afraid. To go back there because I was so ashamed of my younger self for everything that had happened.

And I thought it was all my fault. It never occurred to me. I had been drugged and raped. I thought I had done something. It never occurred to me that I had been sex trafficked. I thought I had done something and everything in between. And so I had this load of shame that was making me hide and I was ashamed of her.

But during this process, as we know. Packed all this stuff. And I began to look at what really happened. And I began to understand from a different point of view, what had actually happened, that I had actually been drugged and raped and I had actually been trafficked. These men had actually done things on purpose and yes, I went along with it, but I was also not even aware of what was happening.

And I was traumatized and didn’t realize that. And so this beautiful thing began to happen. I began to see my younger self with compassion and forgiveness, and I began to love her. And I remember one day particularly coming home from a session. I think it was the session where we talked about the rape and I had realized for the first time that I had actually been raped, it was a shit.

It came out in this session. And I was like, what? I was drugged and raped. And I came home and just laid on the floor and just wept and wept and wept for that younger me and all that had been stolen from her. And I was able to just release all these emotions that had been packed away and let the shame fall away and embrace her and love her.

And. Went through that, this feeling of like a confidence began to emerge. And I just felt like, I felt like I was coming out on center stage of my life. And that’s where the title for my book came from. Was this feeling I had that I was not afraid anymore to be me and I love to, I was instead of being ashamed and I wanted to come in.

Onto center stage and be who I’m supposed to be and share what I have to share. And so confidence came with that. It just began to bloom, you know, and emerge. And so I decided to write about it. And as a coach, that’s what I love to help women do is to really just peel off the shame layers. So we’re, whatever’s causing them to hide and to not love themselves and really step into their power and into their place in this world.

You know, so there you go. There’s the story. Wow. 

Susi Vine: Well, it’s such a, it’s such a powerful story and I think there’s so much to really the beauty of podcasts, you know, you can kind of like pause and take it in. There’s so much there, but two. Have, I mean, we, our survival instinct is so strong to power through to put things away to wall that off, that was an experience.

I can’t compute the gravity of what happened of what was done to me. I have to explain it, justify it with the capacity that we have at that stage in our lives. And, and when I hear stories of any aspect, you know, Run in any kind of parallel to yours. It’s shocking to me that, you know, we, I hear women take responsibility.

It’s something that I did. I did something wrong. I, there was something that I knew to do differently that I didn’t do. And therefore the fault stops with me. I can’t put it on others and it’s, yeah, it’s so powerful to have the help and get the perspective because it’s really hard to see that ourselves when it’s something we’ve been dragging around.

Trying to keep out of sight and out of mind, but it’s 

Janelle Anderson: still always there with us. So, yeah, that’s true. Yup. It’s like you’re carrying around a two ton weight and shame is, you know, like Renee brown talks about the distinction between guilt and shame. And when I read that, I was like, yep. Shame makes you feel bad for who you are.

And guilt is feeling bad for what you do. And I had both, but the shame was the, what really shut me down. Shame will do that. And how can you be confident and walk out your purpose and get in front of people and speak and teach and coach and all of that. If you’re ashamed of who you are, you know, and, you know, we all want to feel like we belong.

We all want to know our purpose and walk in our purpose and feel like we are valuable and worthy and we all are. But we don’t all know that we are. And so that was the key for me, was knowing my value and worth, which had been stripped away from that rape on. And I remember that morning waking up, realizing in, in my mind the story was, I just lost my virginity because I also had lost my virginity in that to a, in a one night stand is what I called it.

Some guy I don’t even know, but it didn’t remember anything. I was out with my girlfriend that night. And next thing I know I’m waking up in bed and this guy’s on top of me. And then I blacked out again. And so the next morning that was, the thought was like, oh, I must be a piece of trash. I must be just worthless.

And so that began to be embedded in my subconscious. And that was the story I told myself. And when you don’t feel worthy, you know, there’s. Just very little that you will actually step out and do, you know, and it’s really easy for you to be, to keep attracting those kinds of relationships to you. And that’s what happened.

So, you know, it was just a long period of time. And it’s funny, you know, like you were saying, you have all these all these stories you make up in your mind that it’s your fault that you did something. And then later. Find out that, that isn’t the case at all. And one of mine was like, oh, I was, I was traumatized.

Really? That was a new thought. Never once did I think that I’d been traumatized. But then when I looked back at all the things that happened, there was a whole lot of trauma events. So no wonder, no wonder. I wasn’t thinking clearly, you know, when my boyfriend decided it would be a good idea to traffic me.

I didn’t think of it as that. I thought of it as I really need him to love me. I just need to be accepted and loved. So I got to go along with this. I don’t have anyone else. And I guess, you know, to make him happy, I’ll do this, even though I hated myself. But again, it’s that feeling of worthlessness? So one of the biggest aha moments for me was realizing that it biggest part of my healing, I think, was realizing that.

Those things that I had stuffed away and been afraid to look at. And the reason I was afraid, just because I thought they were true, but they really were not true. It’s a freedom comes from, and this is a chapter in my book. Tell the truth to yourself. You know, when I began to tell the truth, it was so freeing.

And then I was able to actually see that I was worthy. I was valuable. I never had been worthless. That was. So, and you know, 

Susi Vine: Brenae brown. I believe, I believe that I’ve heard her say 

Janelle Anderson: and I love her work, looking into 

Susi Vine: vulnerability and shame that shame cannot survive in the light. Right. That once we bring it out, we talk about it.

We start to examine it and work through it. Then we can let that fall 

Janelle Anderson: apart and move through it. So, yeah. Yeah. I love that. You know 

Susi Vine: that you’re able to help other people bring that into the light so that it doesn’t have to hold them back 

Janelle Anderson: and hold them in place 

Susi Vine: and keep them from shining the light that they’re supposed to in the 

Janelle Anderson: world.

Yeah. So I love it when I can see that light coming out, you know, and it’s just caused me to have so much passion to see that in women, particularly because. You know, all through history, women have been diminished and told that they were less than and held back and still goes on today. And you know, you think about the me too movement.

And I tell my story, and I know when I’m telling my story, that I’m one of many, which is really. Not good. It’s just, it’s just it’s a tragedy. And so I have such a heart to see women come out from under that and be just strong in who they are, because we each have so much to share and we each have our own destiny and purpose.

And, you know, we aren’t half of a person, you know, we are a whole person and we have gifts, talents that God put in us for a reason. And so I just love to do that. It’s just a passion of mine too. You know, I know that was my, my freedom came from realizing that it was because I was a woman and I was pretty, and men took advantage of it, you know, for whatever reason, not all men are like that, but a lot of them are, and women, you know, generally we want to please, and we were nurturers.

And often we just go along with things because of that. I see that a lot, you know, just, I want to please, I want to make my husband happy or I wanna make my boyfriend happy or my parents or whatever. And we don’t realize that we have every right to stand up for our own selves and to say, Hey, this is what I want to do.

And I would love your support, but if you’re not going to support me, I’m still going to go for it. You know, you can do that in a way. That’s very strong and not. Overpowering or domineering or anything. I think, you know, that’s part of the whole fear is that we’re going to be dominate dominating, or we’re going to be boastful, or we’re going to be too aggressive,

more stories that we need to break free of. Yes. And, and, 

Susi Vine: and what you’re describing there, you know, when we get to that point at which we start taking that claim for ourselves and saying yes, for our. You know, it’s not only, it’s not only helping ourselves. How do you see that 

Janelle Anderson: impact the circles, 

Susi Vine: the community, the people around women when they’re able to start 

Janelle Anderson: staking that it’s huge.

I, I have one. Client. I always tell this story because it was, so it was so obvious to me what was going on. She’s a mother of five and she homeschooled her kids and very devoted and just wonderful kids. And she’s, she’s an amazing woman, but she has so much in her. She’s got books in her and she’s got businesses in her.

She’s like so creative and so super, super smart and so much desire to follow all these things that she hasn’t seen. You know, creativity is like pouring out of her pores. You know, she’s just amazing. And she was holding yourself back and she was not really going for it. And she would get in these sessions with me and tell me all her ideas and I’d be like, oh my gosh, you have to do all this stuff.

And she was like, I know, but if I take time to like, go work on my book, for example, I feel so guilty because I’m taking time away from my face. And so I said, okay, let’s look at it from the point of view of your kids, especially your one daughter who is a super talented and highly developed and a gymnast.

She could have gone to the Olympics. She’s that good? They decided not to try that, but she’s, you know, wonderful. Anyway, I said through your art, through the eyes of your daughter, let’s just put you in her place. And as she’s watching you spend time. Pursuing your passions and writing your book, what do you think she would say?

Or how do you think she would feel? And she said, oh, she’d probably be really proud of me. And she’d probably be really excited and, and it probably would just show her that, Hey, mom’s gone for it so I can go for it too. And that is one perfect example of how saying yes to yourself is good for everyone around you.

It’s a great example for your. And then not only that, then you’re fulfilled because you’re pursuing your passions. You are giving back through the gifts that you are, you know, giving out into the world. And that makes you feel so satisfied. I mean, that’s the best feeling ever is to use your gifts and your creativity, to better the world and see it make an impact.

And so then you’re feeling really good about yourself. And so then you’re going to be more energized and you’re going to show up. For your family and your friends and everybody in your life a whole lot better than if you’re trying to suppress all of that or you’re feeling resentful or you’re feeling dissatisfied.

So saying yes to you saying yes to everyone, as far as I don’t mean saying yes to them telling you what to do, but saying yes to you is saying yes to them because it gives them that gift of who you truly are. And without that, you know, the world is really missing a piece without you giving your gift. So it’s a very powerful thing.

And you have permission to say yes, and you can give yourself permission, which is really the key to it. All. You have to give yourself permission to say yes, and you know, we train other people how to treat us. So when we’re diminishing ourselves and devaluing ourselves, then that’s what other people will do.

But if you value you. And you say yes to yourself, other people will be like, wow, that’s awesome. Yes, go for it. 

Susi Vine: Yeah. And I think it’s hard for people to make that leap, you know, and, and I didn’t have my own children. I have a stepdaughter, but I recently had a conversation with a phenomenal coach and we were talking about why it’s so hard for women to put themselves first.

And, you know, once you become a mother, for example, Someone else comes first. I mean, their life depends on it at first. They need you every minute of the day. And then once that pattern is created, it’s hard to change that, to shift that right. To start saying yes to yourself, even when it means sometimes that means no to them for a minute.

Right? Like for a minute, moms let’s start there. And, and like you said, I love that you illustrate that. We teach other people how to treat us. Those boundaries are. Important to recognize crucial to establish. And then as if that isn’t enough, we really have to train people to honor those, even when it means coming back to those again and again, and saying, this is my turn, and this is why, because I 

Janelle Anderson: matter, yes, 

Susi Vine: something I need to express, like you say, and you, you bring forward and you book, you know, when we’re not taking center stage and bringing ourselves fully into the world, The world isn’t getting what we have to be here and share.

Janelle Anderson: Yes. Yes. And there’s only one you, this is another huge one is that I hear women say a lot of, a lot of times my clients, students, or just friends will say, but there’s nothing great about me. What’s so great about me. And I’m like, oh my gosh, you are unique. There is no one else. Like you, you are one of a kind in every way possible, even identical twins, there’s still uniqueness.

And you have. A unique place in history in this world that no one else can fill. And so if you don’t do it, that’s an empty spot, you know? And you think about all these people that have gone through their entire lives, never really fulfilling their purpose and just kind of working a job because it was a job.

And then, you know, they get to the end of their life and they die with their songs still in them. And they, they didn’t do. Only they could do. I mean, you know, they might’ve had a good life, but to me it’s like, especially when I had that wake-up call and I’m like, this is the only life I have. I don’t want to get to the, into my end of my life.

And look back and think and realize, wow, I did this and it was okay, but I could have done that. That’s what I really was uniquely designed to do and how great that would have been. I did that was like probably my top driver in really going through the whole star process that I went through. And finding my, my way I, I was so like that motivated me more than anything.

Susi Vine: Yes. Yeah. I think that moment of reckoning is so important and sometimes we can let life sweep us right back up and let it pass by. But those little glimpses of what if I could do this? What if I could really like write a whole different chapter? Here I go again. But that, that self-awareness out there.

What does that start to like, how can. Facilitate more change. How do we go from that 

Janelle Anderson: glimmer of recognition to charting a new course? Oh yeah. It’s first of all, it’s a journey. I think one of the most important things to realize is that. It may take time for you to figure out what it is that you really want to do.

It took me actually several years because I was so determined that I was not going to make another job for myself. I was not going to just find another job and settle. Cause I had been doing that for years for decades. And so I would like start. Get an idea and I would start to investigate that research that get a book, you know, read about or whatever.

And one time I even got a book and was starting to try to find clients. Cause I thought that maybe I could be, I knew I wanted to do my own business and I thought I could do like a, be a VA. And so I started cause that’s the kind of work I had been doing. And I started looking at that and I thought, oh.

Yes. I love the idea of being my own boss, but I don’t want to do that kind of work. So why would I create a whole business? I know I’m not doing that. So I decided I was going to let it take at whatever time it needed and I was not going to stop until I found the thing. So I think that’s one is to be.

The T just determined to be persistent and to be dedicated to that and know that it may take some time, but you’ll find it you’ll, you will find it. And a part of that key is to know who you are, know your strength. Your, your natural gifts, your personality, what drives you? What are your values or went into this really deep dive thing of who am I?

You know, I took some assessments. I love them anyway, and really explored that and started like looking at all the things I had been good at in my life. What, what fires me up, what excites me and energizes me. And I began to just kind of put it all together. It’s sort of like dumping out pieces from a jigsaw.

All these pieces of you and you put them together to see the big picture. And that led me towards the coaching path, which at the time, I didn’t even know there was such a thing as life coaching. And I didn’t know that it was something you could actually make money doing, but I discovered it through taking the StrengthsFinder assessment.

And I was coached and I love it. And so then I was trained to coach others because I was a manager at a university. And as I got more and more into that, I realized this is exciting me. I like, I get so energized and I want to tell everyone I was going around telling everyone, friends, family, go take the strengths.

And then call me because I want to sit down with you and I would get so excited and I thought, okay, this is a clue. And so, you know, and then I researched coaching. Like maybe that’s a thing, you know, maybe this is what I should do. But I spent time researching it to make sure that it was something that I could make money doing.

If I’m going to put energy and time and money into this thing. And the more I researched it, the more I realized this is like a booming business. This was now seven years ago. And then I talked to some coaches and so the more that I got into it and dove into it, and the more excited I got, I finally came to that decision.

Well, I’m just going to jump in this is it. And it was kind of scary. I was 61 by then. And I thought, well, maybe I’m too old to be doing something new. Like, what am I doing? Starting a whole business, you know, spending all this money on training. I just should just keep working and just retire like everyone else.

But then that didn’t last very long because then I’m like, no, I only have one life to live. So I dove in and I have not looked back. I’ve loved every second of it. Absolutely the right path and all along the way, there’s just been so much I’ve learned. And so many other things I’ve gotten into, including writing a book and speaking.

And, but it’s finding that thing that lights you up, knowing who you are, your gifts, talents, strengths, personality, all of that, and letting it take the time it needs. And don’t be discouraged if it takes a little while. And you might need some help along the way we all do. So. Yeah. Sometimes 

Susi Vine: it’s hard to get that perspective.

That’s why it’s so powerful 

Janelle Anderson: to work with a coach that 

Susi Vine: can shine back on us. Like, oh, you really light up when you talk about that. Oh, you might be a little stuck over here. 

Janelle Anderson: So if we can shift something, right. 

Susi Vine: And I love that you’re talking about the strengths finder. That’s one of my favorites too, because we do, we’ve been raised to do better focus on what’s broken and fix it, get those grades better and giving ourselves permission to really get curious, like you said, about where do I naturally shine?

Oh, my gosh, it’s such a powerful shift. I absolutely love it. I love it. And I like to kind of check in every now and then, and see if my anything’s shifted, but yeah. And I’ll drop that all. I’ll share a link for that too, in the show notes, because it’s really amazing. It’s a totally different perspective to start 

Janelle Anderson: thinking about how we can build up and work from our strengths, rather than 

Susi Vine: thinking, we gotta keep like drilling down on what we feel.

We fall. 

Janelle Anderson: And even the research that Gallup did as they develop that, you know, they studied people that were really successful and were very satisfied and they found that the common thread was that they had built on their strengths. They didn’t worry about their weaknesses. They built on their strengths.

And I, I thought as a teacher, like that makes total sense. Right. And so when I read my report, that’s when I realized, because. That’s what came out like coaching would be a good path for me. It was even in one of my reports and I was kind of like, oh, that makes sense. Why, what I loved about teaching and what I loved about the parts of my jobs that I loved were because I had these strengths.

And so what can I do that really monopolizing in grows those strengths. And I can, the weaker things that I’m, you know, things I’m not great at, or don’t light me up. I can have somebody else to do for me, but if I need, but let me focus on what really. Lights me up. So we’ll grant some permission there too.

Yeah, exactly. Outsourcing those strengths. Other people love to do bookkeeping. I’m just not one of them.

My sister is one. She loves it and I’m like, you are crazy, but okay. But when you see people doing what they really love to do and that’s their career or. Business their vocation in life. I mean, you can see the difference between people like that and people that are just working a job that doesn’t fulfill them.

You know, I have lots of clients in that category. So, you know, one of the things I do is give them a StrengthsFinder and the Enneagram. And we have an assessment that my coach training school certified us in called energy leadership. And you know, these are powerful tools to help you really get. The real you, I, it’s amazing how few of us really know to that depth.

We might know a little bit, but we don’t take the time to really get to know ourselves because we’re so busy. So it’s good to do that. Take that time. Yeah. Yeah. And then what do 

Susi Vine: you see is possible? What does it mean when someone has that moment of recognition? When somebody wakes up to their life, what does.

Help them 

Janelle Anderson: well, many people and I was, one of them are actually going through life sleepwalking. And that means that they’re just kind of going through the motions. They’re getting to the weekend. They are getting to a vacation they’re not alive in the sense of a total. You know, feeling that flow of passion and getting into that flow means like time just flies by and you just are so energized by what you’re doing and you just are alive to it.

Like I can, I can work my business all the time and never feel tired and never get tired of it. And so if you’re not awake to your life, you’re not aware of your default patterns of how you behave. You’re not aware of the reactions that you have that are just patterns. You just think, oh, well this is who I am, but really they’re just patterns that you can change.

And so, you know, most people that are not really awake are living kind of more in a stressful state all the time and life is happening to them. And they’re kind of at the effect of life happening to them instead of them being in control and determining what they want, like creating the life they want.

And that’s the difference. It really felt like to me, like. You know, when you’re sleeping really deeply in your alarm goes off and you’re like, oh, and you’re like, kind of like, where am I? Where am I, what am I doing? That’s what it felt like. And I realized I’ve sort of been sleepwalking, I whole life just really kind of just going through the motions, you know, just making, do with what I had and kind of just trying to make the most of my life and my job, even though it wasn’t like super thrilling, you know?

And I would often be dread Monday morning.

Susi Vine: Yeah. I say that too. I remember waking up on Monday, wishing it was Friday until I finally did the math. That’s five out of seven days. I don’t have time for that. 

Janelle Anderson: No, it’s not fun. And I don’t think we were meant to live like that. I really don’t. And I have, I’ve had women say to me, yeah. But you know what I really want to do.

Isn’t going to pay the bills. So I have to work my job to pay the bills because, you know, I love to garden and how’s that going to, you know, And I always, always would say to them, well, you never know. It might not be that exact thing, but there’s something there let’s look at. What’s firing you up. And how in the more that you kind of investigate and explore, then things start to open up to you and you start to see what’s possible, 

Susi Vine: right?

Yeah. Once your eyes are open, boy opportunities suddenly start to 

Janelle Anderson: become. Yes. And that’s the waking up too, because you see the possibilities, whereas before you were really blind to them, you had the blinders on like horses, you know? 

Susi Vine: Yeah. And thank you for pointing out the patterns and the depth to which we just, we just get caught up in them every day is like the day 

Janelle Anderson: before.

And the day after that, we just get into that 

Susi Vine: grind. You know, it really does feel like that. And. Once we kind of like, whew, get above it, you know, and get perspective and can start seeing how many things we do on autopilot. How many things are strictly reacting as opposed to choosing how we want to respond and how we want to move forward.

It’s it’s a real powerful shift. 

Janelle Anderson: So it’s definitely worth the work it takes to. It’s definitely worth it. Oh my gosh. So worth it. And I like how you said autopilot. I was trying to find that word, you know, and take back the, get back behind the steering wheel of your own life. That’s another analogy I use because that’s what it feels like.

You’re, you’ve been maybe in the back seat, somebody else has been driving your life. You, you need to get in this, in the backseat. I mean, in the print seat, behind the steering wheel, drive that over the seat.

Susi Vine: That’s right. That’s right. Like we did when we were. Not that anyone would ever ride in a car without a 

Janelle Anderson: seatbelt on no say. Yeah.

Susi Vine: And so as we, as we keep moving forward, you know, waking up as part of that process and then moving to take center stage, like how does that, what does that give us the opportunity to do? What does that start 

Janelle Anderson: to look like? Well, to me it’s like the full. There’s a chapter in my book at the end called release the river.

That’s the RN star. It’s like this full release, the fullness of who you are being fully released. And you know, you think about rivers, rivers are powerful and they move and they change the environment as they go. They carve out the, the trail and they affect the environment. And so when you. Taking center stage of your life.

That means that you’ve woken up. It means that you’re behind the steering wheel. You are driving it. You are creating the life meant for you without apology, without a shame, without being ashamed, without fear, without worrying about what other people think of you without comparing yourself to others or competing with others, you are taking center stage of your life and they can take center stage of their life.

You’re not, you’re not like I’m better than everyone else. It’s not that kind of center stage or center stage of your life as you and the fullness of all that you are and all that you have to give. And all that you’re passionate about is flowing out. And so everything you do is coming from who you are, instead of you trying to do things to become somebody you are being who you are.

And what you do is flowing from that. And there’s so much power and you affect the environment. You know, you think about somebody coming out on center stage and a performance in center stage means that they are the most noticeable person in the room at that moment because they’ve taken center stage.

So you are taking center stage of your life. You become the most notable, noticeable. Or significant person in your own life. Not that you’re more important, not that you’re neglecting, but you’re also not neglecting yourself and diminishing yourself. And you’re putting yourself squarely in that place that only you can take, take that’s the place for you.

It’s that spot on the stage. That’s yours, you know, and you’re doing it without shame and without apology. And you know, when, when a star comes out on stage, like. All eyes are on them and they are delivering something. They’re delivering some kind of performance that is affecting change. That is impacting those that are watching and listening and that’s, you know, delivering from their gift of who they are.

And so I just love that analogy in life. And like I said, that’s what it felt like for me, it was like, oh my, it feels like freedom. It feels like power. It feels like flow. It feels like. Joy and just confidence and a steadfast kind of grounding, like feeling of, you know, just not being swayed anymore by other people’s opinions, you know?

And it’s it’s just the most wonderful feeling and experience. And I really believe that every single person on the planet can, can get there, but you have to decide to do it. You can’t, nobody’s going to do it for you. Nobody can do it. It’s your place to take. Yeah. 

Susi Vine: And it might, it might take some effort to get there, but the way that you’re describing it, I absolutely.

And you taking me back to my theater days you know, granted I was working backstage and hiding in the wings. 

Janelle Anderson: I know what that’s like. 

Susi Vine: No, I have a podcast I’m finding my own. But it is, it’s in flow. It’s not working. It’s not forcing thing. It’s not pushing uphill 

Janelle Anderson: anymore. It really is. Once we’re aligned, 

Susi Vine: like you said, once we really find our strengths 

Janelle Anderson: and can stand in that.

You’re using that force of 

Susi Vine: nature force of nature to your advantage, right. It’s the way that the river flows and everything comes along and yeah. Restoring, right? I think. 

Janelle Anderson: Yes. Yes. So beautiful. And I also think of river as like the river of I think our true selves are the core of who we are. I’m very spiritual person, you know?

So your soul and your spirit, like there’s, there’s a scripture talks about out of your inner most. The fountain, you know, or a river will flow and it’s a river of life. It’s the life of who you are. We live in a body, it’s a physical body, but who we are is really inside. Right. And when that flow is happening, it’s flowing from that place, the place of your true self, and there is a power to it.

And there is no striving really it’s if you’re striving to be somebody or to. Get other people’s approval or whatever it might be. If you feel that striving, you’re not in flow. And so that’s a good symptom to stop and check yourself and see, well, what am I trying to do? That’s maybe out of alignment with who I am and then you can step back into it.

So that’s an important reminder. Yes. 

Susi Vine: Tell us a little. If it’s not divulging too much, we want, of course everybody to take a look at your book, take center stage, be the star of your own story. But and now we know release the river. I’m a little curious about your star process. Can you get kind of a bird’s-eye view?

Janelle Anderson: Sure. So it is an acronym and it’s really the process that as I was writing the book, I looked back through my life and read all these journals. I’d been journaling for many years and saw that. Process. And so it kind of phases that I went through, so, and it just fit nicely into the acronym star, which was convenient.

But so the S stands for stir up your soul. That’s that waking up and becoming aware of where you are and what do you really want in life? So it’s a waking up process and saying yes to you. And then the T. That process of looking at what’s been holding you back, looking at the impact the past has had on you, looking at where and what are the lies, the stories you’ve been telling yourself that really aren’t true and start telling yourself the truth.

That’s what the T is truth telling uncover the things that aren’t true, that are really holding you back and begin to wrap your arms around. What’s really true. And that part of that is getting to know who you are. Seeing the true you and dealing with some of it is forgiving and letting go. I have a whole chapter on forgiveness and just letting go of those things that you don’t need to hold onto anymore.

And then it kind of leads into that whole self discovery, you know, taking assessments if you need to, but that self discovery of who am I really? And what am I good at? And then that leads you right into the a, which is acceptance and activation. When you get there, you start to really just accept who you are in a, like I said, I began to love myself.

I was like, wow, I’m pretty amazing after all. And, you know, without feeling like anything weird about that, because we are all amazing and awesome. And part of my whole journey was this deep dive into that. And so that when you’re accepting yourself in that way, and you truly love you. And you accept yourself with all your quirks and faults and weaknesses, everything about yourself, you own your story, you own who you are.

And then that naturally will put you into action. You start to take action. I started to speak up where I would never would before I started to go for things that I never would have before I found myself a goal set. All of a sudden, I never had done that before. And so it puts you into action because now they’re all that stuff’s not holding you back in.

And you’re fired up with your passions and your purpose, and you’re like excited. So you’re going to take action. And then that leads you into the R, which is releasing the river because now you’re fully, you know, out there on center stage and, and you’re in, you’re aligned with who you are and you’re in your power.

And so a river begins to flow out of your life to touch many others. And to me, that’s, that’s what it’s all about. Is walking in your power so that others can be impacted. We’re all, we’re all in this together. And we’re all meant to make a mark on the world to make an impact. And when you do, it’s amazing.

It feels so good. You know, so there’s the star process, right? 

Susi Vine: I love it. I love it. I love it. Let us know. We’ll have your links so people can connect with you directly through the show notes, but let people know if they’re listening, how they can connect with you or how they can continue to 

Janelle Anderson: engage in what you’re creating.

Yes, I hope they will. Well, my website is emerging life, coaching.com and there is a page on there. With my book, but you can just go to Amazon, take center stage, be the star of your own story. It also has a workbook. It’s a, you can do a free download once you get the book or you can buy the paper workbook.

And the workbook has exercises that take you through the star process. And I’ve been told by people and I really designed it this way. And it’s so nice to hear that it’s. That’s the experience people are having with my book is that it’s not something you can go through quickly. And it’s definitely a self-improvement book.

It has my story in it, but it’s really all about helping others to come to that place of really knowing who they are and stepping out on center stage. So. Thanks to reflect on and things to kind of sit with. It’s not one of those books you want to rush through. If you rush through it, you won’t get the most out of it.

I’ve had several people say, well, I’ve read, I’m reading through it slowly. And then when I’m done, I’m going to go through it again with the workbook. And I’m like, good, because that’s where you’ll get the most out of it. So along with that, I’m also going to be launching a course that goes along with that.

And I’m going to do a. Kind of a book club, I guess, for 12 weeks with people that want to go through the book and the workbook with the author and get even more. And I want to record that and have it on my website as well. So that may be of interest to people. And you can just get on my email list.

There’s on my, on my website, there’s a, a freebie couple of them. And I think. I don’t know if I was, if I told you what I could give, but there’s a ebook called five keys to transforming self-doubt into fearless competence. It’s a free ebook. I have that kind of is a preview of the star process. And it has some exercises in it as well.

So I can give you that link and people can get on my, on my email list and then find out more if they would like to join in with the course that goes with the book. And of course I’m on Facebook and LinkedIn, Instagram, and all those places. And your 

Susi Vine: podcast, women 

Janelle Anderson: emerging. Yes. So we’ve been on break for almost a year.

We’re going to relaunch and do a whole new season and a whole new format. It’s going to be very focused on stories to women’s stories. I have a few already recorded that are so incredible what women have overcome and, and we’re, you know, walked through and are now like in, you know, on the center stage of their lives.

And so that’s going to be really exciting. That’ll probably launch. I was, cause I said January, but here it is March, but it’ll probably be in June. I’ll go. We’re getting that ready. And it’ll it’ll S but there all the previous episodes are still there. Terrific. Terrific. So people can be 

Susi Vine: getting up to speed while this new season is in creation.

I can completely relate this, this calendar, 20, 22 kind of defies definition. I know that things are coming to. In their own good times. So looking forward to those episodes is 

Janelle Anderson: there? Yes. The time is excited. Yeah. And I’m really looking for those stories. You know? I have one person I interviewed who actually survived the killing fields of Cambodia.

Wow. I’d never heard of it. I mean, I’d heard of it, but I’d never really didn’t ever know much about it. Her story’s incredible. Yeah. So I think powering to learn what other people have moved through and let their past yes. Inspire them. I think it’s inspiring. It’s encouraging when you hear those kinds of stories and you know, oh, wow.

Well then if they made it, I can make it too. Yeah. Yeah. Women emerging fearlessly. That’s what it’s all 

Susi Vine: about. Yes. The world needs us to 

Janelle Anderson: be us. Yes. I have 

Susi Vine: one more question for you before we go. One thing that I love to ask my guests is when you start to feel stress, add up, when you start to feel out of balance, what is something that you do to help yourself come back to center or fill 

Janelle Anderson: your own cup?

Oh, wow. Such a great question. So I think. One of the most powerful ways. And it’s one of the most simple things to do and that’s just breathe, just breathe. When I started really paying attention to my breathing, I was surprised to find out how often I hold my breath when I, especially when I’m stressed.

Yeah. So I just, when I’m feeling stressed, it’s usually in my jaws and I start getting tense. I started Clint clenching, clenching my jaw. And I get a headache and then I realize, okay, wait a minute. So I stop, take several really deep breaths all the way into my abdomen and just hold it, breathe it out slowly and just become aware of all the tension in my body.

And. Do anything else until I’ve had enough deep breaths that I feel relaxed. And then you can think clearly after that. And I try to do that actually as a practice throughout the day is to stop and take some deep breaths. Because when you were busy throughout the day, we’re not breathing very deeply.

We’re usually breathing shallowly and that can make you just tense up. And so you need the oxygen. Yes. Yeah, that’s one of my, like immediately before I speak, or if I’m nervous about, you know, getting in front of people, just breathe really deeply. It calms everything down. It’s amazing. 

Susi Vine: Yeah, it really does.

It really can be. Simple to start making change. You know, we can affect our biology so quickly. And sometimes people are a little disappointed when that’s one of the first things that I recommend, but it’s true. And research has actually found, we tend to hold our breath when we’re reading emails.

Janelle Anderson: Yeah. So we need 

Susi Vine: to counteract the screen time that 

Janelle Anderson: also many of us are getting that’s true. When you do that, you bring yourself into the present moment, which is also powerful because most of us, especially when we’re busy, we’re either we have one foot in the past and one foot in the future and we’re just not present, you know?

And so then we’re missing out on our lives basically. And when you bring yourself in the present moment and you start to just be aware of what’s going on right now, right here, what am I hearing? What am I feeling? What am I seeing? You know, like just really tune in and keep the breathing going. And that just the stress will subside your mind will come back online.

Like your thinking brain instead of your stressed out brain, that’s just in reaction mode, flight, you know, flight and freeze and all that. And then you can make a choice from that. Of whether or not you want to continue with whatever was stressing you out or how you want to respond. well, you don’t take that time.

You just are going to respond to that. You’re going to react. It works. Beautiful. Thank you 

Susi Vine: for that reminder. I, I appreciate that. And thank you for everything that you’ve shared for everything that you create and the way that you are reaching back and inspiring women to step forward and find the center of their own stages.

Janelle Anderson: Yes. Well, you’re welcome. Thank you for having me. This has been a really delightful conversation as usual, Susie. 

Susi Vine: I’m so glad you joined me. Take good care. 

Janelle Anderson: Okay.