Janine Naus is a grief and trauma relief specialist whose personal experience with trauma has given rise to her ability to be empathetic and sensitive to her clients’ needs. With a range of coaching tools and techniques, Janine develops customized plans to assist each person on their unique road to recovery.  She joins us on the show to share her core 5 Steps to Moving Past Trauma, so that anyone can start to nurture themselves and begin to heal without judging themselves harshly or feeling hopeless with the time that the process needs to take.

In this episode we discuss: 

• The long-term effects of trauma on health and wellbeing 
• Why it’s okay to get by with the bare minimum 
• Giving yourself grace 
• Answering the inner critic
• The importance of space 
• Creating a vision for the future

Janine’s gift for our listeners is a free 30-Minute Grief and Trauma Relief Strategy Call, which includes a free recorded Core Beliefs Guided Visualization. Bring her one grief and/or trauma-related challenge and she will give you a tip, a strategy, or a tool that you could implement right away.

https://www.griefandtraumarelief.com/30MinuteFreeGriefandTraumaReliefCallOI 

Save a seat for Janine’s next free masterclass, “The 3 Step Process to Stop Suffering from the DEVASTATING Effects of Grief and Trauma…and Make Peace With Your Past” 

https://www.griefandtraumarelief.com/KWF4-StopSufferingNow-Masterclass-LP 

Learn more and connect with Janine through her website: https://www.griefandtraumarelief.com/now

Susi: Welcome back. I am so happy to have you with us this week for a conversation that I know is going to be a powerful and probably enlightening one with my friend, Janine Naus. Janine is a grief and trauma relief specialist, a certified life spiritual and energetic coach, and also a certified Calm Accepting Resilient and Empathetic, a CARE trauma practitioner.

She is the author of the Creating Heaven Wherever I Am book series, which focuses on self-help topics, including overcoming trauma. In addition to offering one-on-one coaching and online group programs. Janine is the founder of the Breaking The Silence Summit, which covers a different trauma related topic every year. 

Janine’s personal experience with trauma has given rise to her ability to be empathetic and sensitive to her client’s needs while using a broad range of coaching tools and techniques to design a unique plan for each. Her blog posts of garner nearly 1000 followers, and she runs an active Facebook group called Bridge to Healing community.

She’s featured as an expert in the Overcoming Trauma and the number one international best seller book, The One Thing Every Mom Needs To Know, and is joining me today from slightly rainy Chesapeake Beach, Maryland. So happy to have you back with me, Janine. Thanks for joining me today. 

Janine: Well, thank you, thank you, Susi. I really appreciate it. And I’m happy to be here. So thank you. 

Susi: And I feel this is such an important conversation to have. As we were just chatting before we started recording today, the awareness of trauma is growing and that’s so important, but I think sometimes people have different perspectives on how it should affect them, why, how it shows up in their lives or in, you know, in their relationships with other people. And so how, in your training and experience, do you see trauma having an effect on people’s health and wellbeing? 

Janine: Hmm, that’s a, that’s a great question Susi, because, as you noted, I’m a Grief and Trauma Relief Specialist and I chose to focus on this area because in my own personal experience with trauma, I really struggled with finding support and, and then I desperately needed to, you know, for myself, to get the kind of healing that I needed.

And you know, of course you’re talking about, you know, awareness, awareness is key to our healing. So I needed to find a way to be able to move myself forward and stop the suffering I was experiencing. So this led me on a quest to seek out mentors and healers and to educate myself in order to find solutions.

After many years of research, I developed a proprietary holistic approach to healing so that others didn’t have to continue to suffer the way that I did. And that’s why I developed the Stop Suffering Now system. It is my mission to help women who are ready to heal from physical, emotional, sexual, and catastrophic event trauma, so that they can, you know, leave the past behind and find themselves in the moment, and truly live their best lives going forward. 

So, I have a lot of firsthand experience of trauma and I experienced a lot of different forms of trauma, such as the physical, sexual and emotional trauma. And when I was in my early forties, I was diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

And because I, you get this diagnosis because you’re really, you’re exposed to prolonged and repetitive trauma, and that all that trauma, the different kinds of trauma happened for a good part of my life. So I held negative self beliefs and feelings of shame, and you know, those feelings of guilt and, and failure, you know, regarding all the different kinds of traumas I experienced.

And I also felt shame in and then I also felt frustrated because, especially when it came to relating to others, I felt nobody really heard me and I also felt that they didn’t understand me. So then I kind of, I kind of became socially withdrawn and I felt isolated and alienated. And, and then I struggled with those feelings of loneliness that you get as a result.

So, what I did not realize was that by suppressing all of these difficult emotions, whether it was the anger or the sadness or the grief or the frustration, it all led to physical stress on my body. And this is what happens when we don’t process our emotions. And, it’s important for us to be able to take steps to deal with these emotions so that we can heal from our trauma. 

And what I didn’t also realize was that I was compromising my own health and that led to, you know, different chronic health conditions. So I experienced things like hypertension and depression, and I even had work addiction, because I’m somebody who used to work more than 80 hours a week, even though I was only paid for a 40 hour a week. So I often called myself a workaholic. And, and then that’s where I, I never even realized it’s actually a real mental condition, mental health condition. So, and what I didn’t realize that it was like any other kind of addiction. So work addiction is, you know, really about your inability to stop the behavior.

I didn’t stop working and I did it for decades. So now we all want to succeed in our jobs, but for me, that work life balance got completely thrown out of whack. And so then I used to, you know, I used to work so much essentially to escape that emotional stress that I was feeling inside of me. And , so I didn’t realize that it was actually associated to my past trauma. And other people, they may, you know, if they’re a workaholic, this may also lead to compulsive need to achieve status and success. 

So I suffered, you know, from also anxiety disorders as a result and then all of these conditions I shared are mostly related to the chronic stress. You know, it’s important that we recognize this, because there’s a correlation between chronic stress and your past experiences with trauma.

So Susi there’s this study that was conducted in 2018 by the Sidran Institute. And they determined that one in 13 Americans develop post traumatic stress disorder, which is quite a, you know, a sizable statistic. The same Institute also found that 70% of all adults in the us will experience at least one traumatic event in their life. So there’s a good likelihood that 70% of your audience has experienced one form of trauma. And so it’s going to be important that they learn how to address the stress, and address this trauma. 

So, you know, we all recognize trauma is devastating. And this is why a lot of people, you know, they’re not aware that, and this comes back to this awareness of the profound impact that trauma has on their health and wellbeing.

So it doesn’t matter whether you experience the trauma early on in your childhood. I mean, my first major traumatic experience was childhood sexual trauma at age five. And so, you know, I just experienced a whole host of other different types of traumas, so it could be later on in life. So the, the truth is it can happen, you know, trauma can happen anytime in your life, but it’s important to process it, to heal it, because it can, it can impact your health and wellbeing.

And, you know, one of the things that it does- We tend to suppress our emotions. So we have this tendency to look outside of ourselves and try to figure out why we feel the way we do, you know. And so it’s important to be curious, and then to take the time to look within and then to simply notice your feelings and then try to determine why you feel the way you do. 

So Susi, basically to answer your question, is exposure to trauma can have a long term effect on one’s health and wellbeing. And there’s lots of studies about how trauma impacts not only your mind, but also your body. There was the Kaiser, the Kaiser Permanente study, and this was done, oh gosh, in 1995. And, actually was a study on people who were obese and, and the importance of addressing stress as a result of the trauma.

And what that study did was, it looked at screening over 17,000 people who struggled with obesity and asked them questions about their childhood experiences. And they found that the more experiences that you had, you know, these adverse childhood experiences, the more likely you were struggling with your health in the current timeframe.

So in other words, I’m an adult and my past childhood trauma, I scored high on the ACEs. So it’s no wonder I’m experiencing all these chronic health conditions, but once I became aware that it has such an impact, it makes a difference in terms of choosing to step on a healing journey. Because you start realizing, wow, I didn’t know that. I need to do something about this. So that’s, you know, for me, that’s really an important aspect. So, yeah. 

Susi: Yeah. So true. And, and thank you for bringing that up. I was so- Learning about that ACE study, adverse childhood events, was so impactful for me because it was such a list of health experiences that people tend to be reflecting in their adulthood. 

Issues with cancer, even heart disease, diabetes, it’s quite a shocking, almost laundry list of chronic diseases that they see more prevalent in people who have a high number of these adverse childhood events. And this awareness, just as you’re saying, as you were talking about your own experience and your own story, I think that might be kind of a light bulb for some people listening, because some things that they would never think would be connected or see as a coping mechanism, throwing themselves into their work to try to maybe demonstrate their value or build their confidence, right. 

Like looking outside of themselves for emotional support or explanations to the way that they feel, or, or just, as you said, helping people be more present to how they feel, because sometimes we get so disconnected. So, that’s so powerful, and I think really illuminating to get perspective on just how broad the issues, how far reaching trauma can impact us. Even if it started long in the past, or if it’s more recent and in whatever shape that trauma has had, there’s so many different ways that it, it shows up in our state of being. Emotional, mental, physical wellbeing. 

And so in, in your work with your clients, who I think with your experience, they’re so lucky to have your empathy in, you know, walking this path and seeking your own route to recovery. What are some ways that you support them in those situations? 

Janine: Well, because I’m a grief and trauma relief specialist, you know, first I’m gonna talk a little bit about grief. So I think what you’re asking is a great question because in how I begin to support people experience grief due to trauma is to listen to them.

It is so critical because it is important for my clients to be heard. And we, we all want to be heard, and I feel it’s important to hold space and just simply listen to my client’s loss. And also more importantly is to validate their feelings. So I believe in being compassionate, empathetic, this is where it comes into play.

And, you know, and it’s an important aspect of working with people, is that they know that they’re comforted, supported. They know that they’re being heard, you know, you’re validating how they feel. So I thought I’d share also what I learned when, while working with my clients is that I also noticed that they do have a tendency to confuse trauma with the grief that results from what happened.

And in fact, many people don’t realize that all grief does not have trauma, but all trauma has grief. 

Susi: Mm, very interesting part of that process of, well, the process of processing the trauma, I guess, forgive me, but, fascinating. 

Janine: Yeah. So this is why I wanted to become a grief and trauma relief specialist because it, it’s also the one reason why I differentiate myself from other trauma experts.

But it’s important to look at that grief, it’s that loss. And that whether it’s a human being, another person in your life, to maybe the loss of a job, a loss of your partner, you know, maybe you’ve gone through a really traumatic divorce. You know, so trauma, even though there’s the medical definitions of trauma, there’s a lot of aspects of what we go through life that is very traumatic.

And,so I feel for one to heal from trauma, they must also be able to grieve and. And yes, we understand that trauma is devastating, as I shared earlier. You may not have a choice in the trauma, but you do have many choices when it comes to how you handle it, how you experience it, and then how you live in the past, as many trauma survivors can sometimes be stuck in the past. 

And this all comes down to being able to shore up your personal foundation when you’re working on your healing process, and understanding, why are you stuck in the past? And so what we’re talking about is those foundational things where, when you’re shoring up your foundation, it’s, it’s about operating from a place of strength.

So it’s a different way of working through your healing. And then you’re armed with different tools, which I’ll talk about when we get into these five steps to overcoming trauma, and these tools will help you begin a real mindset shift. And again, we talked earlier about this, the key to healing is awareness.

So that’s what, when you learn how the trauma impacts, you know, the why and all these different aspects about trauma, there’s no turning back. You start to get on that journey, and you become curious and you wanna learn more. And, and when we learn more, we grow exponentially. 

So even though grief can be traumatic, whether it’s the result of someone dying or, you know, that loss that you’ve experienced you want to know that it also changes your life. And so I have experienced a lot of clients who talked about how they felt that they were missing out on some things in their life. And then this can lead to those feelings of loss. 

So this is why it’s important, just to explore all these different areas of what this trauma has done in your personal life. Because when you start doing that, you can start taking your power back, and start improving your health and wellbeing, you know. So to me that’s really important to be able to do that.

Susi: Absolutely. And, and coming back to that place, and it can sometimes be a journey, just to get to the place where you begin to feel empowered. I agree. I think curiosity is such a great frame of mind to bring to it, to be curious. I think it kind of helps us to be a little bit more gentle with the process and the discovery as well.

And so you mentioned you have five steps to move through trauma. I’d love to hear a little bit more about that. 

Janine: Oh, sure. Absolutely. So I’ll start talking obviously about the first step, and what I’d like to add is that, you know, when you have that conversation about grief, now you need to take those steps to help you overcome the trauma. So, because there is that tie that relates to those five steps to overcoming trauma. 

So the first thing I really like to talk about is: Remember your why. That’s the first step, because coping with a traumatic event is very difficult and you’re probably experiencing a wide range of emotions. That, you know, could be anger and frustration and sadness, and it is possible that you’re not ready to address all of the sudden emotions that are coming up at you like a whirlwind. But yet you still need to find a way to move forward because there needs to be a next step for you. You still have to get out of bed, right? But during this devastating time, you may just be wanting to hide because it might be just too difficult for you to feel these feelings, but inside, somewhere deep inside, you know that you can’t stop avoiding these feelings forever, you just can’t. 

And you might feel like you’re floating outside of yourself, outside of your body, and the world’s floating around, you know, you’re just floating around, outside the world, around you. And it’s something that you used to be a part of, and felt like you were a part of it. But you don’t feel like it anymore. 

And so, you may find it’s hard for you to see that now, but, you know, I want people to understand that, that you can move forward, and you won’t stay in that place forever.

You know, that’s a really important point because, to answer your question, one – in terms of the step, this first step is one way that you can be able to move forward is to change the ‘why questions’ that you’re asking yourself. And so, right now you are likely asking yourself a series of ‘Why questions’ that, by design, are going to keep you in a stuck place. In a miserable place, like I shared before. 

And these could be why questions like, why did this happen to me, and why can’t I feel better? And why is this so painful, and why is it taking me so long to feel better? 

So instead I’d like you to think more about your bigger Why, your purpose and your reason that you’re here on this earth, and at this time, because you’re definitely here for a reason and you’re incredibly and uniquely important, in everything and everybody in the world, you know, you’re important to all those people. And because your every action affects a myriad of other people, places and things, as your actions have that ripple effect that goes out into the universe. And that’s why it’s so important for you to understand your why your purpose is uniquely yours. And thinking about this and identifying your bigger why will help motivate and inspire you to take that next step that must be taken. 

Susi: Mm, yes. I love that. It really, once you change and reframe questions, it’s such a powerful shift, to get the ball rolling. I’d love to know a little bit more. So we, as you’ve got that perspective and you’re reconnecting to your why, you mentioned the next step. 

Janine: Yeah and I probably should share a little bit about a tool that I use, that helps empower somebody in the Why here.

So, you know, it can be quite empowering. And when we do that, we ask the why questions and we gain so much information that helps us shift and have that different perspective that you were talking about. We’re being able to somehow be guided through this difficult time. So I truly believe that, and I feel that there’s that special connection that we have that’s within us. And it’s the way we are connected to, you know, our higher power or whatever, whoever it is, that is for you. And it’s recognizing we are connecting to something greater than ourselves, and knowing that it’s guiding us.

And so when, once we recognize it, it’s all about life itself and our ability to step into our purpose, and no matter what you’re experiencing or where you are in your life, or the difficulty that you experienced, you now have a choice to do your best. Move forward and then take that next step.

So then we can get into that step two here, which is: Doing the bare minimum. And that’s one of the biggest things I support women in my coaching practice with, because it’s really hard to take that next big step. 

So what I suggest to clients is to focus on just the bare minimum so that they don’t get overwhelmed. So that’s really important. And so, let’s say they don’t have children, and maybe you can stay in bed and not shower, and let a few days go by. Right. But when you are a mom that’s gonna be different, and because there’s gonna be a bare minimum that needs to be done, not just for yourself, but for your children too.

And they need to be loved and fed and clothed and educated, but even in that situation, it’s it’s okay for your sister maybe to come over and drop off some food. Or a neighbor to pick up the kids from school for a few days, or you can order pizza every day for a week, if you need to. It’s just, stick to the bare minimum and how you get what you need to get done doesn’t really matter. But you do need to do the bare minimum and you do need to eat. And of course you do need to sleep and your children need to eat and they too need to sleep. So my suggestion is to do just the bare minimum in your own life. And that may, at some point in the beginning may mean that you’re doing very little.

Maybe you get out of bed, brush your teeth and put some nutrition in your body. And even if you go back to bed right after, and if you need to take a few days off of work, just go ahead and do that. It’s important to understand that this is only a transition period that’s going on in your life. So you’re not gonna stay at that bare minimum stage forever. And even though it may feel like it right now, you know, that it’s kind of heavy, remember that soon enough you’ll be able to step out in the world and do much more. And and right now it’s just important for you to put one foot in front of the other.

So the bare minimum is gonna help you be able to do that. And then to give yourself that break and really take a stand for yourself and refuse, and actually refuse to do anything extra that takes away from any of that energy that you have so you can focus on yourself. And sometimes it’s about accepting help from others, and if they don’t offer, do ask for the help and then, as soon as you accomplish these small steps that are necessary in the now, then you’ll be able to begin to see that you can actually find a way through from where you’re at right now. And that’s all you need to do is decide to do that, and then you’ll find others to help you and take care of it. Just delegate and let go of the things that you need to do until you’re ready to do more. So that’s, that’s an important aspect of this step. 

Susi: Mm, absolutely. I think that’s so important, and a place where people find it really hard to give themselves that grace, so thank you for that. 

And I love that you talk about asking for the help that you need. Finding that way to, you know, taking people up when they offer it. But even beyond that, you know, being the person to make the ask is so important, it’s something we need to learn how to do for ourselves, and definitely something that people really struggle with.

You know, asking for help, letting it be known that we can’t do everything for ourselves. And also just permission to do the bare minimum, right? Again, in that space of grace, recognizing that, you know, if we get the basics done and we’ve gotten ourselves through another day, some days, that’s the goal that we get to aim for, and congratulate ourselves on.

 But even that, I know for some people, there are days when even just reaching that bare minimum feels kind of out of their grasp. When it’s hard, even to get those basics done, is there something that you can offer as encouragement or support to people who are coming from that even lowest rung?

Janine: Sure, absolutely. I can share a strategy that I really love because it’s so simple and yet so effective, but sometimes it’s really just about taking the little tips, you know, learning about those little tips and tricks that will help you get to your solution. 

So one strategy that will help in putting one foot in front of the other is to focus on each individual step of whatever it is you need to do. And that will keep your mind on that process. So for example, let’s say that you need to get lunches out, packed for your kids, and you can take a deep breath and then talk to yourself as you move through the process. 

So. In your head, you’re saying, I’m walking to the kitchen.

So, I’m walking to the kitchen, I’m opening that refrigerator door and I’m taking out the bread. I’m taking out the turkey and I’m making a sandwich. And so you kind of get the idea, and then when you focus on the steps in the process, you’re actually taking action. And notice I use the words I am, and not I’m going to, and that will always really help keep you in the now.

And it keeps you in action, which I often call inspired action steps and moving forward. And then when you’re concentrating on just the bare minimum and using the process strategy I just shared, you can take these steps that will keep you moving forward, and keep you participating in your life.

 Because you do need to eat, and you do need to sleep, and you do need the proper hygiene, and if you have kids, you’re gonna need to take care of them and you maybe also need to work, right? So, you know, this process strategy can, you know, by breaking down what you need to do into smaller action steps and now you get to know that you are doing the best you can in the moment. And it’s an important point, to know that you are. And that’s where you don’t want to judge yourself or be your own worst critic. So, yeah. 

Susi: Oh, I really love that. I think that’s really helpful, I hope, to shorten those steps instead of aiming for the goal, I’ve gotta get three lunches packed and the clock is ticking, to bring it down to one step at a time and stop break ourselves out of that overwhelm cycle.

That’s so helpful. Almost even, I don’t want to say moving meditation, but really being present in every action instead of trying to get ourselves to this final picture. Really, really helpful. And I like to explore that a little bit more being, you know, doing the best that we can in that moment, whatever that moment is.

Sometimes, you know, when we don’t, when we don’t say, I am getting out the bread, I am getting the mustard. There’s other voices, you know, there’s almost a committee , that can be voicing, you know, in the background, why it’s hard to get even this much done. And so, what do you, what’s your experience in how that inner critic can show up or be holding people back? How can that be an impact in making it through these sometimes simplest steps? 

Janine: Yeah. When we tend to be our worst critic, you know, then we struggle with our healing, and I know that we were talking earlier about energy and how it flows and where we place our attention. And that’s something that I recall Tony Robbins used to always talk about.

And so it, you know, he is one of those self-help gurus, you know, and this is also how we get to what we really want out of our life. So we have to have that clear goal. For example, my goal before I started my healing journey was that I wanted to heal from trauma. And then I focused all of my energy working through my five steps to overcome the trauma and then amazing things happened afterwards.

So, you know, you just don’t know. And I wanted to talk about when you’re talking about that worst critic, I want to address that just a little bit more. When I talk about it in my third step to overcoming trauma, which is about giving yourself grace, and you spoke about grace earlier, so I love that you did that. 

But what I’d like to share now is that our minds can play tricks on us, and they can put up obstacles in our and get in our way. And one of the things you could do now to stop the suffering is to learn strategies that can help you overcome the obstacles that your mind puts in front of you. And this way you can use your mind to help you instead of hurt you. 

So for example, you can change the way you think of yourself. Because of your trauma, that negative self talk and negative feelings, you know, that we were talking about earlier, that that can make you question whether you have what it takes to reach your life’s goals and desires.

And as a trauma survivors, we often see ourselves as not good enough, and then not capable, and we lack that confidence. And then sometimes, I always like to ask my clients does “I’m not feeling good enough”, sound familiar to them. And they often say yes. And so we are often ashamed of our past, and that makes us feel not good enough. 

And the truth is the trauma wasn’t our fault. It’s just what happened. So we can overcome this obstacle and change the way we feel and behave by changing the way we think. So it’s really kind of an important aspect about that, and I just thought I’d share that. 

Susi: Yeah, absolutely. It’s so important to recognize, in a lot of different capacities. We can come further than we used to believe was possible just in terms of psychology, the way that our brain works to change the way that we think about ourselves and feel. You know, it is something that as working through the process, it becomes easier, you know, and, and recognizing, first of all, that, that voice of that inner critic, and then recognizing that we can move past it, those limitations that we feel, you know, and what we’re able to do or create or be, and certainly, recognizing that that’s such an important aspect of healing from the trauma where those, that guilt or self blame or shame that holds us back, you know, and takes on the voice of this inner critic.

So thank you. I think that’s so helpful. Absolutely. 

Janine: You know, and I I just thought I’d add, when I’ve had that inner critic come up, there’s something- we become aware of it, you know, we notice it. That’s why you want to be curious, like, “ah, there’s that inner critic again.”

And you’re just naming it, you know? “Oh, that shame critic is playing games with me again.” So I’ll try to reverse the conversation with myself. I’ll talk to my inner child, my inner self, and have a different kind of conversation and remind myself, I don’t need to be ashamed of what happened. It was not my fault, you know? 

So it’s like, you can really stop it in its tracks, but sometimes we don’t think about that. We’re so quick to judge ourselves. There’s so many strategies and tools to help you shift that perspective of thinking. So, yeah. 

Susi: Yeah, absolutely. And I love that. You know, I’m a fan of tools in the toolkit as well, just as you are. And so I think that’s such a, a really powerful perspective to bring to it, that curiosity, and, as you were just saying, grace. Giving ourselves grace, finding ways to do that. Especially in this process of healing and recovering from trauma. Are there other tools there? 

Janine: Oh, sure. You know, first I’ll talk a little bit more about grace and then share a tool here. So it’s really an important time. And this is my third step in the process is, to give yourself grace.

Everybody copes with trauma in their own way and in differing timeframes. So trauma affects everyone differently, whether it’s your health or your sleep, your focus, or your energy levels or your weight, you know, there’s all sorts of areas it impacts. So since everyone copes and is affected by trauma differently, it’s important to give yourself grace and be kind to yourself, because handling trauma is tough enough for everybody.

And even though it may not be, you may not be handling that trauma the way you want to handle it, or the way you think you should handle it, just be gentle with yourself, and just do the best that you can because right now your best is not just ‘good enough’. Your best is actually great. 

And so try not to dwell on how other people think you’re doing, that certainly doesn’t matter. If you’re worried about disappointing others, you’ll be adding more things to your plate. And I want you to remember that right now, you’re just doing the bare minimum, right? And even when others are trying to be helpful, you may find that it’s upsetting you. And sometimes well meaning people will tell you, they want the best for you, but they may not know how to express themselves in the way you need to hear it.

So you might be so out of touch with your own feeling. That maybe you don’t even know, you know, the way that you need to hear it. So don’t worry about this right now. Just allow yourself to process and experience your feelings. And remember you are human and this is your unique process. 

So of course your trauma also affects other people in your life. And this could be your partner or your kids or your other family members, you know, possibly your friends and coworkers, and because each person reacts and deals with trauma differently, this will too make it a very complicated dynamic. 

So I like to remind survivors that as you give yourself grace in how you deal with the fallout, please try to give others around you as well, that grace, because they too need to process it, and process how it affected them. So, you know, it’s really important that we give ourselves the grace. 

And I do have a tool that I’d love to share with you that I use with my clients, for times when they’re being hard on themselves and judging themselves.

So when we were talking about that in your critic, this is where I was going to share about this. So when they’re being hard on themselves and judging themselves, or let’s say they’re feeling that they’re not moving through their process well enough, or even fast enough, because we tend to judge ourselves even with that, even in our own healing journey.

So to help shift your thoughts, I suggest an exercise on reframing. Choose negative thought that you have about processing your trauma. So for example, let’s say that you feel like you’re taking too long to move forward. And instead of beating yourself up, you can choose to treat yourself with grace and reframe your thinking.

So you may try saying “healing is deep work, and I am in the middle of the process. I love myself enough to take some time to journal some different negative thoughts.” You know, “I love myself to allow the healing to take place in its own ways.” So there’s all sorts of different ways you can have that conversation and use tools like journaling to help you.

So when you’re journaling, what you’re doing is you’re actually getting those negative thoughts out of your head and you’re putting them on paper. And then you can reframe those negative thoughts into a positive, more loving affirmation. And that way you’ll have the words you need in the moment that you need them to give yourself grace.

So when those little, I call them minions like to, you know, chatter in your head about something that’s not good enough about yourself, I’ve got an affirmation that I can pull out and present that to my little minion.

Susi: I love that, that’s such a great recommendation and way to be building those muscles of grace. Right? Because especially if it’s something that we haven’t done for ourselves much, or even as you said, for the people around us who are trying to help, but don’t know how, or, you know, don’t know how to relate with us at the levels at which we need that.

That’s so helpful, to start coming to that place and, and just practice. I’m a huge fan of journaling as well. I think it’s amazing what we can kind of discharge and work out through the pen. So I love that. 

Janine: Mm, thank you. Yeah, now I’d love totalk about that next step, which would be about giving yourself space.

Susi: I like it. Yes, tell us more. 

Janine: So that’s my fourth step in overcoming trauma, because I believe it’s essential to process, that you want to give yourself space because after experiencing trauma we tend to act from a place of fear. And it’s designed to protect us and help us survive, and then our body’s hormones almost always jump into overdrive as we react with our fight or flight instinct, and that causes that traumatic stress. You know, everything starts bubbling up in you and it affects all areas of your wellbeing. So after a traumatic event, the chemistry in your brain and your body takes on a different posture.

And this explains why you may begin to feel more tightness or soreness in your body. It’s essential that you find a way to calm and sooth yourself to counteract that natural brain and body reaction to the trauma. And often people, you know, my clients ask me, well, how? 

And that’s really about giving yourself space. Time and space are things that so many of us have so very little of. So first I want you to focus on creating a physical space for yourself, ensure the space is calming and comforting and, and you may be looking at your home and thinking, where? 

You know, and you may see your kids toys all over the place, especially when they’ve been at home during COVID, you know, it’s like everybody’s home. And then maybe you bring your work home. You know, now that we’re back at work, you’re bringing it home, and all of a sudden you have all these piles of paperwork everywhere. So you can find this physical space that you need because it doesn’t have to be an entire room.

Is there comfy chair someplace? Maybe you can drag that chair into the corner of your bedroom. And the next, I want you to focus on another type of space, which is time space. Which is where you open up times in your day that are just for you, your healing process. And ideally you would like to take time that you need in the moment that you need it, and using how you feel as your guide. You know, it’s an important aspect. Notice how you feel and if you need to take time for yourself, then do it. 

However, if you know that you’re the type of person that will have days go by without taking the time that you need, or if you have a lifestyle that is very busy, then I suggest that you put time on your calendar just for you, because you’ll more likely honor that time just as you would honor your doctor’s appointment. And you can also combine that physical space concept with the time concept and by making that time and creating a ritual for yourself. So that is something that you can do.

So for example, you can take your own time in that comfy chair in your bedroom corner and begin to find ways to signal your brain and your body that it’s time to relax and calm down. So you can keep a favorite blanket by the chair. You might even consider a weighted blanket that you can put on top of you for some comfort and some people turn to soothing music, or dim the lights, and you may even decide that a bathtub is your safe space, and light some candles and soak for a half hour after the kids are asleep. Or maybe your space is nature. Maybe you need to take that walk, or a long hike. It’s great that you make your space personal to you, so it’s really important to do that. 

And what I want people to come out of of this knowing is that you can find the physical and the time space that you need, and that works for you. So I encourage you to do that for yourself because giving yourself space will also help you heal.

And eventually you’ll be able to begin to start looking within and then exploring your feelings and be ready to move forward. So remember that self-awareness is key to creating a healthy and balanced life, but you need space to be able to do that. 

Susi: Exactly. Oh, that’s such a beautiful reminder. Thank you so much.

I’m a big fan and advocate of, I call it Self First scheduling, because if we don’t put ourselves on our own calendar, everything else is going to keep bumping us right off of our own list. And so, that’s such a great reminder and the physical space too. Carving out a space, even if it is a corner of the bedroom, I really love those tips, in terms of time and physical space, those are so helpful. Kind of giving yourself a little sanctuary to come home to. 

And then, then what can we do for ourselves from there? 

Janine: Well, the final step in, in the five steps to overcoming trauma is: Plan to succeed. So, you know, now that you are creating that sanctuary, and I believe that it’s essential to do this.

And, I covered this in my book series, Creating Heaven Wherever I Am, it’s based on this concept. So, when we identify your why, and then we move through that bare minimum, and then give yourself the grace and the space you need, you’ll come to a moment when you’re ready to begin to think about the future.

And a lot of healing is taking place when you are in the moment and focusing on your present actions. But when you are ready, looking ahead will help build your resiliency. And it gives you hope which will fuel your desire to move forward, and planning will help you envision your future and the possibilities for it.

And at first, this may feel a little bit difficult. You may believe that planning for your future will symbolize something about the past and what had happened. Or you may be reminded too much of the traumatic event, but making plans doesn’t change what happened or your feelings about it.

Planning will, however, make you feel more in control about this difficult time. You will see that you can take back control. during this difficult time and you will see that you can take that control back despite whatever happened in your past. So making future plans also provides you that rough roadmap for what may be a challenging journey ahead.

However, it’s empowering to have a plan in place to consider your next steps. And I know that you’re suffering now, but it is important to understand that you are alive and you are coping and that you haven’t been defeated by despair. And that it can bring you hope, so it’s important that it’s a plan for your success in the future.

Susi: Thank you. Mm, beautiful. Yeah, we do need to come back to hope to restore that, to bring that picture back. So I love that the way that you frame that part of the process, to come back to a vision of something that we can look forward to. I’d love to hear if you have one of your brilliant tips to help us move to that stage.

Sometimes even that, you know, that picture of hope can be a little tricky. How can we start to begin to make these plans for our future? 

Janine: Well one of the things I often do is I write it down, you know, I like to kind of envision myself. So, one of the things I’ve also done was create like a vision board, and I just kind of snipped out all these things I like to see about my future. I would print out pictures I saw online, or if I had a whole stack of magazines, and I just kind of placed them on a board. And what was interesting was, once I was done with that little exercise and left it available for me to look at, before long, I started seeing that I was achieving all of those different areas.

So, and even when you’re writing it down and you’re writing a list of what your goals are, you know, keep it small at first, keep it simple. It’s very important to start with little steps, I call them baby steps, you know, so it’s okay to do that. Just do what you’re capable of doing now.

And then in time you’ll be able to do more, you know, you’ll find, you know, that you have that skillset to, you know, to add another task. I’ve achieved this now I’m ready for this next step. And then you’ll find you’re in a different, different time and space with everything in life, how you feel.

Your feelings shift and you start opening up to, you know, brighter and happier, and you know, these, all these wonderful possibilities that you have ahead of you. And I found that as I explored more about myself I really wanted to learn more and, you know, life is a ever learning journey. You know, so we’re always out there pursuing something that makes us create the next best version of ourselves. 

Susi: Beautiful. Coming back to that curiosity, curiosity and, just as building that muscle to give ourselves grace, building that muscle to start picturing of a future that is magnetic, right. That is perhaps bigger than we could have before, when we’re earlier on in our recovery journey.

Thank you. That’s beautiful. And I want to make sure people know how to connect with you, and you make some amazing resources available. So please share a little bit with how our audience can continue to, to learn more or look into working with you. 

Janine: Oh sure. For those who are curious about with working with me, I thought I’d- I support people in my one-on-one coaching and I also, have my Stop Suffering Now group program.

And you can schedule a call. You know, I set up a page where you can sign up for a 30 minute grief and trauma relief call. That’s part of this gift that I’m, going to share this link that will be on your page and it also includes a core belief, guided visualization tool that I created.

So it’s a guided visual visualization to help you shift your core beliefs. And this is something, you know, my clients love it. And then you can also schedule that call to ask questions about my services. We can work through one of your major challenges, and you may have some kind of a difficult emotion that you’re dealing with and we’ll work through that so I can help you find some happiness and joy. So I’m hoping that people would take advantage of that. And I also have that Bridge to Healing community where I offer a lot of free resources, that’s on Facebook. And then I also have my webinar, and I do this webinar live. It’s actually, I call it a masterclass and it’s the Three Step Process to Stop Suffering from the Devastating Effects of Grief and Trauma and Make Peace with your Past. So it’s something that I do share with people. 

 So there’s many ways to connect with me. And then, one easy way to connect with me too, is just go to griefandtraumarelief.com/now. And then you can sign up for, I can give you a workbook that will help you begin your process, and then you can also sign up for a call with me.

So there’s, there’s multiple ways to connect with. Yeah. I, I think what we do is all about connection. What you do is all about connection and, you know, that’s how we help bring awareness to, you know, what we can do to help ourselves and, and support each other. So thank you for the opportunity. 

Susi: Oh, absolutely. And I’m, I’m so grateful to be able to share with people too, these points of connection and ways to look a little deeper look into how, um, they can start to move forward on their journey. So we’ll have that link to your website there with the opportunity to book a call with you, but also get that core belief meditation.

Which is so powerful because they really do shape our outlook and what we believe we are capable of. And so what a powerful little tool for the toolkit also, and, um, the workbook and also your ongoing master classes, because just as you said, these opportunities to, you know, look at how we can stop suffering to get perspective on, you know, how to begin the process and to get to continue the conversation with you.

So we’ll have that link so people can know what dates are current for them whenever they pick up this episode and listen in and, um, You’ll wanna be connected with Janine also to know about her upcoming summits and other events online. There’s always so much, and I absolutely agree. Connection is fundamental and, um, joining together in community, seeing and cheering on other people who are in different stages of their journey and receiving that kind of support is just so powerful.

So thank you for creating these spaces and opportunities for connect. 

Janine: Oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. 

Susi: It’s my pleasure. It’s always a joy to connect with you and see what is new. And I thank you for sharing these really actionable steps that people can start taking a look, you know, start giving themselves grace, connecting with their purpose, their higher purpose, and moving forward.

So thank you for all of this. It’s such a treat. It’s great to connect with you again. Thank you until next time. Have a great day. Take good care of yourself.