Finding balance when supporting your loved ones with depression is essential to protect you from burning out. Susi Vine’s guest today is Paige Stevensen, a holistic practitioner and intuitive advisor on a mission to share the effective holistic tools she discovered along her own path to recovery from depression.

In this episode, they discuss:

• Experiencing depression first hand, and watching it affect the one you love,
• The value of community for understanding + support,
• The silence that families feel they need to keep regarding their loved one’s depression,
• Recognizing that help can’t be given until it is wanted, and
• The importance of self-care for caregivers.

Learn more about Paige and her services on her website, https://theintuitiveadvisor.com

Sign up for her free masterclass at https://go.theintuitiveadvisor.com/difference

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Watch the episode here:

Finding Balance | Supporting Loved Ones With Depression

Paige Stevensen knows first-hand how difficult it is to try to reach a loved one who is struggling with depression. In our chat, we talk about her own experience and how she is now helping families overcome the feelings of helplessness and frustration in trying to support the recovery of their loved one.

I am so happy to be here. I have a special guest with me, Paige Stevensen. She’s joining me from Vancouver Canada, and I have a deep affection for our neighbors north of the border. I’m glad that virtually, we can share a room and share a conversation. We’re going to be exploring her work to support families in a pretty difficult situation. Paige is a natural-born intuitive leader, inspirational speaker, workshop facilitator, best-selling author, and successful business owner of over twenty years as the Intuitive Advisor.

Paige is also a certified Advanced Angel Empowerment Practitioner, an AEP, and certified Angel Hands on Healer. Paige’s greatest joy is helping families find peace around their depressed loved ones. Her two-day peaceful interactions program assists families who want a better way to communicate with their loved one who is depressed by providing the family the necessary holistic tools to return themselves to more joy and happiness. That’s why I’m excited to have Paige with us because especially given this year 2020, it’s been a difficult time for many people. People who previously might have felt secure and comfortable in their mental space, shall we say, are finding more difficulty. It’s important to know what resources are available certainly for families who want to reach out and support a loved one who needs extra love and support. Paige, thank you so much for joining us.

Thank you so much, Susi. I’m happy to be here. I’m pleased that you’re conducting these shows with whoever is on with you because the more we are out there, the more we can help. Thank you for this opportunity.

It is my absolute pleasure. I agree, we’re in a world where we feel that there are many resources and we can google them. I believe that it’s important to understand what you’re looking for. Sometimes the best solution might be something you don’t even know that you’re looking for. My intention is to bring awareness to opportunities and solutions that people might not otherwise be aware of. I’d love to hear a little bit about how you came into this practice. The work that you do sounds like a true calling. How are you drawn to provide this special support?

I’m a joyful person. This is how I lead my life and I have so much joy. I laugh a lot. It’s hard to believe that at one time I was bedridden for two years with depression. I was married, I had kids, and had to run my house being depressed. What happened after I got myself better because of the choices I made, my husband got depressed. To this day, he still is depressed. He’s not my husband anymore but he still is depressed. I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I’ve been the depressed and I’ve been the family member who has a loved one that is depressed. It is an absolute natural fit that I would want to help those that are struggling with what I went through. I know there is a possibility out there for those that are reading that this can be resolved. I want to be clear, I am not a medical professional. I’m a holistic practitioner, I solve my world holistically. I’ll leave it at that for now.

Thank you for making that clarification as well. As a holistic practitioner myself, I believe that there are many wonderful tools and resources available that people might not even be aware are available. At the same time, it’s important to recognize that when you use the tools that you can discover, and if you’re not making the progress that you need to be making, then you need to be reaching out for more support. Don’t ever think that one person is the end of the line. Keep on searching and advocating for yourself or for your loved ones if you find them in this similar situation. That must have been difficult. I imagine that must have felt an interminable struggle to go through for yourself and to go through that on the other side of it experiencing it as your husband struggled with the same thing

I like to be transparent. I’m going to tell you there were times when I wanted to choke him up because his rage was so bad. To clear the air, both of us went on medication. When I say holistic, it doesn’t mean that I wasn’t on medication because I absolutely agree with the medication, but then there was a way of getting me off the medication through my doctor’s advice. I want to be clear on that. I’m not saying don’t take pills, that’s not what I’m saying. Take your medication.

My ex was under a doctor’s supervision but he still had these raging moments. There were times when it was scary. He never hit me, but he would be standing there in his face would be going red and I’d be like, “Who is this person?” You’re thinking, “Were you the guy that I fell in love with, I held hands with and kissed tenderly?” You’re standing there looking and you’re going, “How can I help this person? What can I do?” You become so upset in yourself that you’re failing as a partner. I was like, “Ugh.” We had kids. It was tough, I’m going to tell you.

This is why I am so adamant about people getting a resolution to their relationship with their loved one who’s depressed because I don’t want people to get in a rough spot like I did. It’s a poor space to be in because you don’t see solutions. That’s why I have this program, peaceful interactions that I put them in. I don’t want to sound like I’m selling you on it. Whether you choose me to work with or somebody else, I want you to know you don’t have to struggle with this person who has depression. There is a resolution. I will tell you that when you think about it in the world of alcoholics, they have a group called Al-Anon that’s for the families of the alcoholic.

In the world of depression, we don’t have a program like that. This is one of the leading programs, my program out there, that is tackling this arena. I’m helping the families because it’s the families that have to keep it together while the person is going through their struggles. It’s my soul’s purpose. This is why this program is so near and dear to me and I want to help. I want to be of service and help take away the pain because it’s sad when you’re seeing your loved one and you’re at a loss. You’re like, “Please let there be something.” That’s why I’m so passionate about it, Susi.

I see many people who make a leap on leaving a long-standing career and make a big pivot because their experience has been such that they’ve got to change it for other people. It resonates. You can’t do anything else but try to solve this problem or provide a solution. This is a big problem. There’s never a silver bullet, a magic solution or a single cure. I can imagine the families who find themselves in this situation. It’s such a relief to be in conversation with someone who understands their struggle, their efforts to do something to support their feeling of inadequacy or not knowing where to begin. The validation and support knowing that they’re not alone, knowing that there’s a community of people who are having the same struggles and trying to make the same progress must be a big relief. There’s so much value in community.

That’s an element of my program. They get into a community of like-mindedness where they can feel supported. What this is telling them is, “There are other people like me,” because when you’re going through this, you’re thinking, “How come I’m the only one going through this?” You don’t know about the other people. When you come into a room with the other people, you’re looking around going, “There are other people, I’m not alone.” That in itself, you can feel yourself going, “Thank you.” That starts adding to your healing. That’s what brings such joy when I see these people making that connection going, “I’m not alone.”

First of all, in the whole world of depression, nobody shouts from the mountaintops, “I have depression.” We can say, “I’m so happy,” and people want to pay attention but we don’t shout, “We have a depressed person in our family.” It’s silent suffering. There’s a lot of shame, and there shouldn’t be, but there is. Some people are open about it, “Mary has depression.” Other people, “How is Mary?” “She’s fine.” You hear later that she’s depressed and suffering and you’re like, “Why wouldn’t you say it?” It’s a taboo subject and it’s sad.

I don’t know if people know of disabilities in Canada. I’m talking about Canada numbers, the States is higher, but I know Canada numbers. In Canada, and I can think of all the disabilities out there, and in mental illness, depression is number one and nobody talks about it. First of all, mental illness hardly gets talked about. We talk about cancer. We talk about getting people’s limbs fixed. They broke their arm and their leg. That’s okay, we can talk about that. When it comes to the mental illness, the schizophrenia, the phobias and all that mental illness stuff, anxiety, is another leg to it, all of those is like, “Yeah, over here.” It needs to have a bigger voice and people need to know that it can be remedied. There is a resolution for them.

However, it’s where you are on your journey. Are you ready to talk about it or not? Everybody’s on their little journey. You’ve heard that frame before so where are you on that? If somebody you knew had depression and you’re like, “I’m going to get some help,” so you rush out you get the top guy you found on the internet. He comes over and he’s going to sit down with your loved one and the loved one is going, “There’s nothing wrong. What are you doing?” You can’t fix somebody if they’re not ready. I don’t like to use the word fixed, you can remedy, you can adjust. If the person is sitting there going, “I’m okay the way I am,” and believe it or not people get in that frame. They’ve got to get to a point where they’re going in their own mind they’re saying, “Something has to change.” They don’t know what it is but they know something has to change, that’s the spark.

That’s what’s going to light the fire up and now they’re going to start hearing about people like me, a counselor or a friend that knows somebody or something. As soon as the spark is lit, it starts percolating out there and the right information starts coming through. Until that, “Nope.” That’s why I love working with the families because all the family is trying to do is help and all they’re getting is the wall from them. They’re shutting them off, “Leave me alone. I’m going to my room. I want to sleep.” The family is going, “What? We’re doing this and this.” They’re not understanding and their approach is not effective. That’s where I come in.

That perspective is important because we want to try to fix and solve things. Especially in the world in which we work where, as you and I support people, we’ve had to learn in some cases the hard way. You can’t offer solutions if people are not looking for them. In fact, the more you try to help, the more they will push you away. That waiting game is difficult but so essential because you don’t want to alienate someone you want to be available and be their resource when they’re ready to look for help. Being in that position must feel interminable to be ready to offer help to be ready to offer support, let alone resources and tools to help start that journey towards recovery. As you say, until there’s that spark, until they’re willing to receive it, that wall, that feeling of being shut out, those defenses get thicker and thicker. When people feel that, “There are expectations, I’m disappointing someone or failing my family or not holding up my side of my career.”

I’ve had a discussion with someone who also went through a long journey with depression and accidentally found the final magic solution when she radically changed her diet because her husband had diabetes. It wasn’t help that she sought for herself but when they transformed their diet, she accidentally discovered that she wasn’t feeling depressed. When the season changed in fall meant winter was coming, she was like, “Why do I think that the trees look pretty?” She had sought help. She was on different medications for years. She was mindful and tried to titrate herself off now and then.

The point that I was getting to was as a real estate agent, she felt she had to keep it private, that no one could know because her clients would not want to hire her and she would be letting people down. Her husband was aware but few of their friends. Everyone was shocked when she “came out of the closet” and revealed that she had been working through depression because then she wanted to offer this solution to support others that she saw struggling with it. People were like, “I can’t believe that this has been a problem for you,” and she’d been suffering for decades. It’s such an important conversation to know how to have because it’s been kept quiet.

When we used to have networking events, and you’d go in the room and there would be 50 people there. I would ask the question, “Who in the room here either yourself or someone else you know has had or still has depression?” 75% of the room lights up. That’s alarming.

Our full awareness, and that’s a question that no one is asking because we’re not aware of how widespread this issue is.

It’s sad because what people do when they’re the depressed one, they learn how to manipulate themselves so they can go into a room skipping and when they’re home, they crash. Guess who has to see that? The family. The family sees the ugly part. That’s what I help with. I’m not saying you have to work with me, I’d love it but there are people out there that can give you different approaches on how to work with your loved one. The worst thing we want is for you to get sick because what can happen for you as a family member is you can start getting pressure across your shoulders. Another term for it is carrying the weight on your shoulders. That’s what happens. This band of energy goes across your shoulders and it hurts. It hurts to go up and you’re like, “I’ve got that.”

Another area especially for women is the lower back. The lower back is our familiary. If you’re always going, “My back,” and you’re struggling to sit down, “I can hardly sit down.” You’re holding that energy in instead of releasing it. You’re holding all that angst in your physical body and that’s only going to get worse. Through Reiki, if you’re a Reiki master, you can do the Reiki on them. You need to take care of this vessel because as you know, if your family unit goes down because you’re getting sick, what’s going to happen to your house? That’s why I do what I do. We’ve got to take care of the family unit, so we can remain strong, live in joy and happiness and not superficially. It’s not like, “Yes, I’m happy.” No, so you’re in joy and you’re like yes, “I love this,” and you know how to act around your depressed one. Not that it’s phony or fake, but there is a beautiful way of acting around them so they feel they’re a part of it and that they are important like every other family member. That’s the goal of my world. It’s a beautiful thing.

It must be to see that process of coming back. What I’m thinking of as you’re explaining that is just as the person who is suffering depression puts up that false pretense of normalcy. As you point out which is important, they go out and they expend all their energy being normal. They go home and their recovery is so intense that they crash because it’s every ounce of energy that they have. For the family too as we’re talking about it, it’s such a quiet struggle that they don’t feel that they can reach out for help. They certainly can’t put their emotions on their family member who is working through this issue. They tend to carry it on themselves. They don’t give themselves the time and space to recognize and acknowledge the emotions that they’re carrying.

As you say, that leads to chronic pain as well as disease. Stress is a major underlying component of many chronic issues that we have from heart disease to diabetes, and even laying the foundation for cancer. It’s crucial to recognize that you’re not doing anyone a service by powering through, holding up, Keeping Up with the Joneses or keeping your game face on and keeping that nice pretty facade on for the neighbors or even for your family member who’s going through the struggle. Honesty is so essential and letting your emotions be felt and letting them work through is crucial to maintain your own health.

In the work that I did before I was in holistic health, I was working with senior clients. What I learned at that point was when one is in the position of caregiver, it’s important to help them be aware that the health consequences often land on the caregiver. They’re not acknowledging their own needs and they’re extending themselves to such a degree to provide support for their partner or for a family member that in many cases their health becomes compromised. In some cases, unfortunately, the person in that position of caregiver might pass before the person that they’ve spent so much time and energy caring for because they reached that point of complete exhaustion. They’ve lost all their resources.

You’re talking about stressors and what happens when the family member is the female and the depressed one is a male. What happens is if we don’t deal with the stressors, they get pushed into our body and this happened to me as a matter of fact with my husband. I kept pushing it in and I found that I was low on energy. I thought, “What’s going on?” I go to my doctor and he goes, “Let’s take some blood work.” They take some blood work and I get a call, “Come back in. We want to talk.” I go to the doctors and he’s like, “Your iron levels are almost not there.” I went, “I eat good food.” The nurses were there with me and the doctor. They were so compassionate and they said, “Whatever you’re going through, you’re not handling it properly. You’re pushing it into your body and it’s affecting your iron levels. Your iron is trying to make you stronger and the stressors are too great.”

Basically, my stressors were out-trumping the iron levels. My iron went way down and as a result, I’m tired, I can hardly get through my day. In fact, when they were taking the blood, I almost passed out because I was exhausted. This is how it can affect your physical body. You’re right, Susi. Stress comes in such different waves and we think we’re on top of it we’re like, “I run a household here. I can take care of my children. I can wash the dishes, vacuum, dust, do a job, go to the post office, I can do this and I can do that.” In the meantime, we’ve got this piece over here that’s going, “I don’t want to be nice.” It’s like, “I’m happy.” We pushed it and pushed it. This is what we do to ourselves. Part of my program is bringing that awareness to people. What are you pushing in? How is it showing up? Yes, your loved one is not well right now but you’re going to start going down the rabbit hole too. Stop it.

We need that wake-up call. It’s so wonderful to see how you’ve created a way to support the caregivers essentially to bring some support and hope to the families. You’ve mentioned your program and that’s tremendous, but I believe you have an event coming up in September 2020 that might give people a bit of an introduction.

I have a one-hour webinar. It’s called, It’s Time to Make a Difference How to Finally Engage with Your Loved One Who is Suffering with Depression. In there, I’m going to teach you the three tools right there on the spot to assist you with getting engagement or interaction with your loved one. It’s a beautiful introduction to my story, how it plays out, and how all these pieces that you can do to start the journey to get started on bringing back your power, your strength, your love for yourself. It’s this beautiful vessel that is spreading itself a little too thin these days and you want to bring it back and make yourself whole and complete.

I want to particularly talk to the men in the audience. I want you to know that this is a safe place to come and explore a little bit. I want you to give yourself the gift of wanting to get yourself better. You’re already fabulous, let’s make you even better. I say that with such earnestness because I know the men that have come through already and are in such gratitude. I especially want to talk to the business owners because I know what it’s like when you have your own business and are trying to run both worlds. Some piece of it starts failing, and that’s a stroke on the ego that you’re going, “What is going on here? What do I need to do?” I want you to choose you. You are the important one.

You paid attention to this show for a reason, and I had the beautiful opportunity through Susi to share my world and it touches Susi’s world too. She’s got expertise there also. The two of us, we came together for a reason and now you’re reading this and you’ve stayed this long. I want to make it known that it’s all for a reason. I cannot thank you enough, Susi, for this opportunity. It’s beautiful when my soul’s purpose is being shared by the world to somebody else that’s like, “I’m so happy.”

It makes me think of the saying, “When the student is ready, the master appears.” As Paige said, her program is not the only resource but if it speaks to you, if it’s a solution that can serve you, this could be the solution that you’ve been searching for. If it means that you open up your search and find other solutions that you haven’t discovered yet, hallelujah. Let’s open the door to that process of recovery. Let’s not keep stacking the deck against recovery, connection, and seeing the light that is ahead. Because there are some turns in the road and it feels the struggles may be insurmountable.

There are solutions and there are people who are there willing to help you. If you catch this episode after September of 2020, check out her website because events are ongoing. She runs these webinars and it’s not in some cases you may have experienced where you hop on and you get half of the information and you sit through a lot of stories and not a lot of solution. Paige’s heart is leading her to share this information. Please, if you have the opportunity to check out this presentation or another one in the future, I invite you. Definitely come with an open mind and an open heart.

Thank you so much, Susi. You are a blessing to the world. It’s the people like you that help people like me get our message out there. Thank you.

These conversations are such a gift. Thank you for being a part of it, Paige. I’m glad that our paths have crossed and I know we’ll have some good adventures together in the future. Until our next episode when we continue the conversation, I’m wishing you well. Thank you so much.

Thank you, Susi.

Important Links:

• Paige Stevensen
• Al-Anon

About Paige Stevensen

Over the past 15 years, Paige has provided intuitive healings and spiritual guidance using a diverse set of tools. Her work as a Certified Angel Empowerment Practitioner (AEP), and the extraordinary Angel Empowerment Hands on Healing® (HOH) modalities that engage with the angelic realm. These tools expanded her ability to tap into and gently shift the multidimensional influences on health and lifestyle challenges so many struggle with. Depression. Anxiety. Loss of direction. All are symptoms of an imbalance that is easily addressed once the root cause of this imbalance is understood.

Paige’s mission is to teach people effective holistic tools, available to those who seeks a better way, especially to assist with releasing the symptoms of depression. Paige feels called to support clients in discovering relevant information to help them find a pathway to greater joy and fulfillment. As she has found, this approach frequently clears emotional blocks and heals lifelong wounds, a feeling of freedom that may have seemed completely out of reach.

Paige understands how, when undergoing a depression episode, there may be lack of interest in activity or engagement, severely lowered energy, or experiencing unfamiliar overwhelm. The worst part of this situation is how hopeless and disengaged depression sufferers feel. Yet jobs must be performed, bills must be paid, families and other relationships tended to.

Paige also offers first-hand experience in how to best manage caregiving for a person coping with depression.  Anyone in that situation is just looking for a better approach: how to say the right words to your loved one, and how to bring an end to the dreaded ‘you don’t understand me’ look.

Paige gently teaches her clients a simple-to-implement, holistic approach that will restore your faith, and a return to the years of joy and happiness we all deserve.