Candy Motzek is a podcast host, author of “Personal Growth & Success Journal: Exercises & Affirmations to Motivate Your Next Big Achievement” and a life & business coach who helps coaches get unstuck and feel more confident so they can create the change they feel called to bring forward in the world. We have an open and vulnerable conversation about moving through imposter syndrome, how it looks to create a new enterprise, and avoid the trap of creating a new “job”.

In this show we discuss: 

• Leaving a successful career to follow your heart 
• Learning to celebrate your own successes 
• Reframing self doubt & engaging your inner critic 
• Embracing the entrepreneurial journey
• Starting before you’re “ready” 
• What coaching clients are I looking for 
• Self care tools

Unlock access to Candy’s Free Private Podcast, Unlock Coaching Success, to discover her proven CREATE system designed to help coaches build a rock-solid foundation and achieve sustainable success: candysfreetraining.com

And find even more goodies for our audience on her website: https://stepintosuccessnow.com/pages/free 

And you can find the She Coaches Coaches podcast on your favorite player here: https://she-coaches-coaches.captivate.fm/listen

Susi: Welcome back. I am so happy to have you with me today for our episode of Happified and my it’s my pleasure to introduce you to Candy Motzek. Candy is a podcast host, author, and life and business coach for coaches. She believes that coaching transforms lives. She helps coaches get unstuck and feel more confident so they can play bigger, sign clients and create more meaningful success. She’s a recovering corporate executive and engineer who combines practical strategy and mindset in her calming and unique approach. 

And Candy and I had the opportunity to meet at a podcast event recently. And so we couldn’t wait to trade opportunities to have a conversation. And so in the show notes, I’ll be sure to share a link when my conversation on Candy’s podcast becomes available, and her show is called, 

Candy: She Coaches Coaches, 

Susi: She Coaches Coaches, we keep it simple. Yeah, and I got to catch a couple of short interviews this morning as I was getting ready. And it’s a great conversation, always, and really lovely insight. So Candy, thank you for making time to join me.

Candy: Well, Susi, thank you so much for having me. And I’m really looking forward to doing this interview swap thing. It’s fun and unusual and we’re gonna, it’s gonna be great. 

Susi: Yes. It’s a treat sometimes to trade spots and to get to field some questions, as opposed to be thinking ahead, and “where do we want this conversation to go” or just seeing what naturally arises.

Candy: Yeah. 

Susi: So. I’ve done other careers in my own path. And I’m always fascinated to talk with people who have had a career, found success and then said, hold the presses. I’d rather follow my heart. Can you share a little bit about how that transition came up for you and, um, what called you into coaching? 

Candy: Hmm. Yeah, so I was under the misguided impression that the more titles I accumulated and the more money I made and the more bonuses I got that, and the more things that I collected that I would be happier and more fulfilled. And so I kept on that ladder, that sort of accumulating ladder looking everywhere, but what was the right place for happiness. 

And so I did all that stuff and it was fun. Like it’s fun to accomplish things and it’s fun to work with great people. And it was great until it wasn’t, it was just like, there was this hole inside me that was just god awfully empty. And you know, some of your listeners may have experienced this too, that, you know, Sunday would be a day of- I’d be depressed because I’m like, oh my God, I gotta go back and do that again on Monday.

And that’s just not a way to live. So that’s really, you know, sort of the feeling behind why I made the change. 

Susi: Yeah. I can definitely relate and I’ve shared my own, um, light bulb moment when I realized, you know, you wake up on Monday and you wish it’s Friday, we’re wishing away five days of the week, and that’s no way to be marking time.

Candy: Yeah. 

Susi: So I can definitely respect. It’s not an easy- I mean the recognition itself is a journey, but then choosing to take action and step into something else, takes some soul searching for sure. 

Did you create your coaching business as you were still working? Or did you find an opportunity? Did life serve up the chance to say this is a fresh start and here’s a new direction?

Candy: I started the coach training when I was already working. And I knew that it was that transition period. So I was really gifted with this. I could build my business and then eventually work my way out of my day job. And so that sounds great, but it’s kind of a, it’s a place where I found I needed to be far more patient than I thought I needed to be.

And truthfully, I thought I had it all together. Like, you know, I had marked out those milestones and this was the critical path and this was gonna work. And then I left my day job and I was like, oh my God, what have I done? Letting go of that security net is such, you can’t prepare for that. But then life happened and clients arrived and I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Yeah. 

Susi: Yeah. Marvelous. And, and it is a big shift. You know, as you were saying, we, many people, really thrive or find fulfillment when we see reflected, we can list off this list of accomplishments. I have these certifications, I’ve received these recognitions and all of that external reflection. And then to kind of take yourself out of that whole structure.

And now it’s completely self evaluated. Have I met those benchmarks that I’ve created for myself, those milestones and start, start celebrating that progress. Was that a transition that you had to work through?

Candy: That’s a good question. So I think it is, it’s how I define accomplishment. So I used to always look to that outside stuff.

And now I really ground myself in “who am I, at my heart”. And am I living in a way that is reflective of me? The true me with my air quote fingers. Then also to realize that accomplished is an emotion and that I have so much control over the kinds of emotions that I experience. And so, yes, it’s an inside job from deciding how you define it. But then also sort of playing with the emotions of finding things to feel accomplished about that’s a whole ‘nother level. And that has been, I would say remarkably satisfying. 

You start to look for that, those places where you’ve actually accomplished something and your brain shows you more, right? Like that’s, what’s so much fun. You think you’ve done nothing, and then it’s all of a sudden, you go, well, oh, I did this and I did that. And I did that. And it’s like, it kind of grows on you, right? 

Susi: Yes. And I love that. I really love that. You said that “accomplished is an emotion”. And I think, because I love to play in that space of emotions, checking into how we’re feeling and a lot of times we get really out of touch with how we feel about things.

And so to expand our vocabulary and awareness and recognize this is a whole space you can play in, this accomplishment. That’s really, self-defined not only reflected back at us. 

Candy: Yeah, yeah. Very much. Yeah. 

Susi: Lovely. And, in your work with coaches, do you see that this is a point that a lot of them are struggling with, or what kind of gremlins tend to show up with the coaches that you’re supporting?

I know that imposter syndrome can be a big issue for a lot of people and maybe hold them back from stepping into that business that they would love to create. 

Candy: Yeah. You know, so self-doubt and imposter syndrome and the voice of our inner critic is often the, some of the biggest things that are holding us back.

And it’s a reframing, right? Like what we think is, and we know this, like we’re smart people. We know that people have self-doubt, but somehow our brain lies to us and says, well, look at her, she’s got it all together. She’s all confident. She doesn’t- yeah, right. Like pointing the finger. Right. She doesn’t have any self-doubt, look at how she smiles and sparkles and all that.

But when we remember that every person experiences that, and that it’s a normal human emotion. We take so much of, kind of that tension around the “it’s wrong to experience that”. Instead of saying, “we all experience that and it’s part of the human condition” that makes a big difference. And it does hold new coaches back and it holds, I think it holds all of us back.

We listen to that voice more than we listen to that voice of our inner leader, the inner mentor that we have. And that is a lot of the work that I do with the coaches that I work with. Is this learning how to trust yourself, that nobody else can give you that answer. 

And that your self wants you to hear that, your self wants to give you the answer. It’s not hiding from you. You just gotta allow it, right? 

Susi: Mm. Yeah. There’s, there’s a lot of really juicy stuff in there. Which is, which is why you have so much work ahead of you. But I think, I think that’s really powerful to recognize that that feeling of self doubt isn’t- isn’t a shortcoming per se. You said it so beautifully, that it’s a natural thing that everyone finds a way to move through.

It isn’t reflective of your true ability or capacity to grow or to shine. Right? 

Candy: That’s right. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed this or not Susi, but some of the highest performers have the biggest imposter syndrome. So maybe that’s a little bit of a sign that somehow we were doing it right. Right?

Like if you’re experiencing a lot of imposter syndrome, maybe it means that you’ve really got a lot of stuff on the go, right? 

Susi: Yeah. And I- we wouldn’t know unless they said it. Because just like you said, we look at everyone else and think nothing is holding them back. They’re doing the thing. Can’t I be more like them.

So I appreciate that authenticity. And their being willing to come forward and say, I’m working, I’m stepping through my own stuff to show up and do this. 

Candy: Yeah, we all do. And I mean, even this morning, just before you and I got on zoom today to do this recording, I was like, ooh, what am I gonna talk about? Hmm, right? And I know you and I will have a great conversation and still that voice showed up. And I was like, oh, come on. You can come along for the ride, but you’re not driving the bus. 

Susi: Yeah. I, I looked through your podcast page. You have a couple of episodes under your belt. How many of you created on your show now?

Candy: Yeah, episode 89 just went live. And so, yeah, it’s amazing. And I have to say, you know, podcasting is so much fun. Don’t you think? Like, this is just so much fun to have conversations like this. Yeah. 

Susi: Yeah, it really is because I get so many light bulb moments and ahas, whether someone is saying something that’s exactly what I’ve been thinking, but a whole new way to frame it, which is always helpful. Or someone says something that I think, “I don’t know about that”. And then it, it’s just given me an opportunity to give a whole new perspective and, “okay I can see where that comes together”. Right. So yeah, love those light bulbs. 

Candy: And, you know, just from having looked at your podcast and listened to a couple of episodes, this idea that everything that you’re doing kind of builds this library of a place where people can come for help. And like, what, how amazing is it right? That we live in a day and time that somebody finds your podcast, they pop their airbuds in, and their life could be transformed listening to one of those conversations, just like that.

So, you know what a great message you’ve got for people. And I can just imagine the benefit that they’ve experienced. 

Susi: Thank you. Thank you very much. I really appreciate that because the message is what really calls me forward when sometimes I think, you know, I did great work for other people. Maybe I should go back to work. Why am I working so hard to figure this thing out over here? 

Candy: I did such great work for other people. Yeah. 

Susi: You might hear that sometimes in your sessions. 

Candy: I’m not saying that in a judgy way, I’m saying that in- Yeah, this choice to be an entrepreneur is a big choice. And I think people don’t really- Like, it’s not a smooth journey. It’s never gonna be a smooth journey. And so, you know, we get to decide if it’s worth it and you know, it sounds like it’s really worth it for you. 

Susi: Yeah, it, it has been definitely a journey and I’m grateful for the opportunity to, you know, to be on it. To have the space, to explore it. And one of the things, let me know how, if this rings true for you too, is as I’m talking with people with clients in sessions, with guests on the show, I find myself saying things.

And then I think, I really needed to hear that today. 

Candy: Yeah. 

Susi: Does that kind of thing come up for you too? 

Candy: Yeah, very much. And look, I think the, the phrase is sometimes we need to be our own best client, right? Yeah. But it’s interesting, isn’t it? To create a practice around stuff that we’re still learning?

Yes. We’re a few steps further ahead than our clients, but we’re still experiencing being a human, and that growth that goes along with it. I was listening to something earlier today and it talked about coaches and people that are in the personal development field and how we are so focused on being better all the time, right. And you know that, and I’m sure that you experience this as well, but having that integrity to be always looking at your mind, deciding how you want to live your life, living in integrity, expanding and growing in the places that you can improve. But after a while that that’s exhausting, like, and we do that out of integrity to live our life in alignment and also to help our clients.

But then sometimes we just need to go, okay, not today. Today is just not that day. And I heard that and I was like, I think I need a little bit of that. That was the, you know, the dose that I needed is you can’t always be forever moving forward. We’ve gotta look at, we have to look at time to kind of, I don’t know, lay back and do nothing for a little while.

And that that’s actually part of the process too. That’s actually part of the growth because then we get a chance to really germinate the things that we’ve been learning. So. 

Susi: Yes. 

Candy: Does that resonate with you? Do you experience that? 

Susi: So very much. And it’s funny because that, as you finished saying, we need to give ourselves that time, that germination or incubation phase, when things can come together, when we can rest and then come back with more and it’s hard to give ourselves permission to do that.

Candy: Yeah. 

Susi: Because I, something that I encourage people to do- It is something that has come up, moreso over these last few months, because I have to say after an online event that I ran this fall, I really burned myself out, which was hard. And I haven’t talked about it, but being a stress coach to burn myself out to that point when I’m like, I don’t wanna plan anything. 

Candy: I’m not talking to anybody.

Susi: Don’t call me. I don’t have any plans. And I went through, and recognizing is different from doing right. Learning is different from really knowing and integrating. But I had a recognition where I ,was, am I letting myself off the hook? Am I like underperforming? Am I underdelivering? Am I not doing everything I can be doing all the time?

Because we do, especially when you are your own boss and your company, you know, if you take the day off, nobody’s getting anything done. 

Candy: Right. 

Susi: But the difference between letting myself off the hook and giving myself grace and what I came to was, if I’m worried I’m letting myself off the hook, I think I’m in a space of giving myself grace and it’s something that is going to benefit me.

So I’m going to take this time, this pause, this opportunity, or create some time, which can be difficult block some time out and say, I just get to check out for the day. I’m working through the “Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron and trying to create more space for that kind of play and creativity. That’s something that I feel is really important right now to cultivate.

Candy: Yeah. I’m just think, thinking about what you’re saying about this, you know, like basically we are, we are our company. Yes. I have some help, but you know, if I’m not coaching, it’s not happening. And it’s a two edge sword, right? Like, I love that because I can just be quick and responsive. I know right away if what I’m doing is making an impact, but then somehow you’ve got to build in enough of that cushion that you don’t burn yourself out.

And it’s, and the other thing that you said about, you know, you put on this event, which I bet was amazing and fun and you like all the stuff, right. But then to go, oh, now I’m exhausted. Now I’m feeling burned out. Right? Like how do you balance that? I’m still, like, I heard what you said about knowing between letting yourself off the hook and grace, but there’s a place that I wonder more about like this deeper place, about how we define work and how we define our business.

And, do we actually create a business that’s like a kind of a replica of a slightly easier full-time job, or do we create a business that can sustain itself on three days a week? 

Susi: Yes. Yeah. That’s important to keep track of. Do you, so as you’re working with clients and, and your own personal experience, you know, is that something that you keep coming back to?

Reminding yourself and kind of creating “another job”, 

Candy: I wish I could say that I was super wise and that I had this all worked out, but I struggle with this, right. Like no, you know, part of my thing is that I’m a type A person, right. And I’ve heard it said- I’m a hidden type A, so I look very relaxed and calm on the outside and on the inside, I’m like, no, go, go, go, go, go. Come on, let’s get this done, right. So, yeah, it’s a work in progress. That’s all I’ll say. At least I’ve started to recognize it. Like like, that’s, that’s my big win. Oh, wow. 

Susi: That is a celebration, right? 

Candy: Yeah. 

Susi: That awareness. I was having a conversation with someone this morning about emotions again. And you know, when you’re in conversation with someone, when you’re ha- When you’re arguing, let’s just call it what it is, do you catch yourself? Do you shift your emotion? Do you always shift out of it? 

And I’m like, I’m getting better at being aware of it. And there are still situations and relationships where I switch right back over. Right. So it is a journey. We do keep coming back to it.

Candy: Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I, there was something that I read and I can’t remember who wrote it, and so otherwise I would give them credit, but it said something about that our clients are not looking for us to be like the expert, the know all be all. They are looking for a guide and a contributor, you know?

So. When you get into that place where you’re the expert- and for example, when you have heated discussions with people, if you were to perfectly notice what was going on and perfectly deal with that, then you’re not- like, that doesn’t actually help you, the other people in your life and your clients, because you’re too far down the path, right?

They want somebody who’s a contributor. Somebody who’s gonna say yeah, I did that last Wednesday, I get it. Right? So that always kind of helps to comfort me when I’m like, oh my God, still a mess. still a mess. Right? 

Susi: I think that’s really powerful and helpful for anybody, you know, who is starting out in a new path or afraid, you know, I’ve gotta do more. I’ve gotta learn more. I’m not ready yet. I’ve gotta wait till I’m ready, right? The reward. 

Candy: That’s right. 

Susi: Of not being at that finish line. And then looking back to the beginning saying, I can help you. Yeah. 

Candy: Yeah. Right. And, and we don’t actually know when we’re at the finish line. 

Susi: Not if we’re doing the work. 

Candy: Right. The finish line keeps moving. It’s like the proverbial carrot on the horse’s nose or the donkey’s nose or whatever. Right. Like it’s forever moving, right? Yeah. 

Susi: Yeah. So I do, I take a lot of hard- I remind myself often, you know, start before you’re ready. 

Candy: Yes. 

Susi: Because otherwise we can be in that starting block for way too long. And you know, working in a vacuum, we’re not showing up with the tools that people actually need. 

Candy: Yeah. Like, so that you start before you’re ready and you show up with what they need today and then you grow and then they grow. It’s a whole different view, right? I like it. 

Susi: But I think a lot more realistic. Supportive. Tangible. 

Candy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it. And way, and way less stress, which is, I know it’s your thing, but like, I’m just thinking that through. Like, that is way less stress to not wait too long. 

This is partly how we define what’s a mistake and what’s a mess and what’s, you know, what’s working. How do you define what’s working and what’s not working. How do you define what a mistake is versus a learning experience? Some people might say, right? Yeah. 

Susi: That’s a really important perspective to build. Do you have any, any tips along those lines? Because it’s can be easy to be hard on ourselves. Oh, there was a mistake. Yeah. There was a mistake. We’re keeping tally of those.

Candy: I wish I had tips. I mean, I could tell you logically, but I’m still learning it, you know? So I remind myself daily that learning, you know, there’s no mistake. There’s no failure that there’s only learning the next step, but it still, I haven’t integrated that.

You know, I wish that I could come on here and say, oh, I, I have that. I have that down, but I don’t. right. I’m still learning. I’m still integrating. I’m still reminding myself and that’s okay. That’s where I’m at. 

Susi: Yeah. And celebrating that. I love that. Thank you. Thank you. 

Candy: Yeah. 

Susi: Knowing is, you know, is still-

Candy: Knowing is half the battle. 

Susi: -the integration process-

Exactly! Go Joe, for our Gen X fans. 

One question that I love to ask my guests is: what is a practice or exercise that you call on when you’re feeling stressed or you recognize you need to come back to balance? Is there something that you go to? 

Candy: Yeah. And you, so you had this thing about one and so “one” is not as easy for me as “lots”.

So I do EFT tapping. Every day. 

Susi: Oh yeah. 

Candy: That is my, sort of my quick go to. Meditation, journaling. I do thought work. I do nature walks, barefoot walking because I live on the west coast. Lots of times it’s not that cold here. So, that playing with my dog. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes just the simple stuff, right. 

Susi: Mm-hmm. 

Candy: But EFT tapping would be like, if somebody said what’s the one thing that I can do that would make a difference right now, like fast. That’s what I would, that’s what I would go to. 

Susi: Yes. Oh, in so many different capacities this morning, I was blowing my nose and thought I need to tap on my allergies.

Because you can. 

Candy: Oh yeah. 

Susi: And it will help. 

Candy: Yeah, exactly. Mm-hmm, yeah. And, and all kinds of stuff, including, you know, surgery, recovery and all that kind of stuff, too. I had my wisdom teeth out a few months ago. And I used tapping before I had the procedure done and it made a lot of difference for my nervousness.

And then afterwards it took quite a while to recover, but I think it was still an easier recovery because I wasn’t so stressed. So it really does have a lot of benefits for sure. 

Susi: Yeah, that’s a terrific one, but I appreciate too, you know, that at any given moment, it’s something else. I’m a big fan of having lots of tools in the toolkit because different things work for different people and different situations are gonna need a different source of support, so- 

Candy: What’s your favorite? 

Susi: I’m with you, I’m not a favorites kind of a girl. I’m a Libra. I live in the middle of the spectrum. Nature is huge. 

Um, I have to break myself of the habit of sitting in front of the computer and eating lunch. So getting outside for lunch with my feet on the ground is big for me. Nature is big. Talking to the little green things that are growing. It’s San Diego, so I really have to cheer them on, because it dries up fast. 

Candy: Yeah, but it’s beautiful. San Diego’s wonderful. I love it. Hmm. 

Susi: It is. It is. I’m blessed to be here. But breathing is something again that I know, but have to remind myself to come back to.

And so, so powerful. So I get a lot of support out of that and, and obviously I, I do love EFT tapping. It should be a daily practice, but I try not to should on myself. So- 

Candy: Yes, exactly. Yeah. 

I know that one of the tapping apps that I listen to, there’s, I think they even have one that says, help me to remember to tap or something like that, so- 

Susi: We’re all a work in progress. 

Candy: Oh, there we go. I like it. Yeah.

Susi: Marvelous. Is there anything else that comes to mind we should make sure to share? 

Candy: Nothing else on that front, but anybody who likes what I have to say, if they’re interested in becoming a coach, if they want to know what coaching is like, they could listen to my podcast. It’s called She Coaches Coaches.

Yes. It’s a very, it’s one of those things that my computer keeps thinking is a typo, but it’s just, it works. It’s simple and easy. So it’s, She Coaches Coaches, and I’m on all the players. So it’s easy to find. Yeah. 

Susi: Yes. 

Candy: And I’d love to love to have them listen. 

Susi: Marvelous and terrific episodes. You’ve got some longer ones for some longer tasks and some short sweet ones to kind of grab a little insight to carry with you through the day.

And we’ll have the link for that in the show notes, but that’s easy to find too, on your favorite player, She Coaches Coaches, and you can get more of Candy’s insights, especially in this time of the, I don’t like to call it the great resignation. I like to think of it as the Great Upgrade. 

Candy: Yes. 

Susi: So if you feel your heart calling you to something new, it’s a great way to learn more about the potential there and showing up to support. 

Candy: Thanks, Susi. It’s been such a pleasure to talk to you. Yeah, that was a great conversation. Thank you so much. 

Susi: Thank you. Absolutely. Thanks for joining me. Have a great day.