Pat Alva-Kraker is a business strategist and mentor, founder of the Majestic Coaching Group, trainer, speaker and author.  She was her own catalyst for change after surviving ups + downs that would leave many feeling hopeless. Moving through loss, conquering breast cancer, and finding balance while running multiple businesses, Pat has turned her journey into a roadmap of insight and wisdom for women who want to achieve their dreams.

In this episode,we talk about

• Finding the clarity and conviction to heal herself
• How personal boundaries teach others how to treat us
• The steps to getting clear and firm on personal boundaries
• Setting examples for our next generation by living with boundaries.
• Using Human Design to discover your aligned way to lead, serve clients, and make decisions you don’t regret

Pat is the best-selling author of “Katherine’s Quest – One Woman’s Journey to Elation”.

Her gift for our audience is the guide, “Setting Boundaries to Live Your Ideal Life” available on her website; https://www.majesticcoachinggroup.com/setting-boundaries

Connect with Pat on Social Media:

• https://twitter.com/PatAlvaKraker

• https://www.facebook.com/majesticcoaching/

• https://www.linkedin.com/company/majestic-coaching–group-llc/

Susi Vine: Thanks for joining us this week on Happified for my conversation with Pat Alva-Kraker who after a career, as a successful corporate business woman turned her attention and her. Talents to supporting other women in creating a business or making their own professional achievements in ways that are aligned with their values and maximizing their gifts.

I know you’re going to get a lot out of this conversation today. I am so glad that you’re here with us.

Living in a stressful world doesn’t mean you have to give up on happiness instead, you can shift your perspective of stress and discover how to live your life in flow. Welcome to Happify. I’m your host Susi Vine. Join me for inspiration and interviews with folks. We’re shining their light in the world in the areas of positive mindset, health and wellness.

I’m so happy to have you here.

Let me ask you a question. How do you answer when stress calls? It comes in on lots of different channels these days, sometimes as white noise and sometimes with bells and whistles, Blair. You may try to power through working harder and pushing yourself to 

the limit in the hopes that doing all you can will be 

enough to get you through stress can feel heavy, ominous and maybe hiding inside of any new email or notification on your computer.

What if instead, you see stress as an opportunity to rise and thrive. What if stress not 

only strengthens you, but fuels your success. 

It’s not a dream and it’s not a secret that’s exclusive to the power players. If you shift your perspective, you can empower yourself 

to enjoy a radical shift in how you show up to stress and 

how stress shows up in your life.

I want to learn more. I have a special report for you that shares some tools you can easily incorporate to start putting stress to work for you. It’s available for free at happifiedlife.com. Click 

on the gift button 

to pick up 

your report today.

Welcome back. I am so happy to have you with us. This week is I am joined by Pat Alva-Kraker she’s experienced many ups and downs during her life. Instead of giving up, she fought, she was her own catalyst for change and was determined to create the life that she envisioned and that she deserves. Earlier in her career, pat was a project manager at IBM and helped her husband managed several different companies.

When she received a breast cancer diagnosis, she dove into the studies of complimentary healing modality. After years of service, she was laid off by IBM. She found a new career at Lockheed Martin and began developing a part-time business that she really loved coaching practice that offered project management services, life and business coaching and alternative medicine.

And I love to see people creating a business that lights them up that really fills all of the blanks and brings their unique experience to the table. Now working as a business strategist, mentor, trainer, speaker, and author under the banner of majestic coaching group, pat continues to mentor female entrepreneurs who are making a positive, joyful impact in the world.

Pat, thank you so much for making time today and joining me on the show. 

Pat Alva-Kraker: Oh, Susi. Thank you so much. I just love the theme of your podcast. Stress free, less stress and more flow who doesn’t want that. Right. We all need that. And I know that you’re making a difference in the world out there, especially with women entrepreneurs because you and I know it can be very stressful being an entrepreneur.

Susi Vine: Yes, it can be. And one of the things that I see people doing, not only women, but, and not only entrepreneurs, but when we work to get ahead in our business, we tend to think. We need to focus first on success and the kind of relegate ourselves to the backseat. I’ll get back to me. What makes me happy tuning into my health and my own personal needs.

When I have time first, I’ve got to take care of this. And it sounds like in your own experience, unfortunately, due to this harsh diagnosis and discovering you had cancer. When I think you were still very young, you kind of came face to face with how those priorities don’t quite line up the way that we think that they do.

Pat Alva-Kraker: That is that is so true. It was definitely An awakening. It was a call to really stop and pivot. And it caused me to look at my life and say, where am I? Where am I aligned? And really what is the true cause of the cancer? And what do I need to learn from this experience? Because it’s not an accident and I’m here to learn something about it.

So I became very curious and I I started Louise hay and she has a book on healing and called you can heal your life. And I learned that when it comes to breast cancer, it’s about over-giving. And I just went, as soon as I read that, I said, That’s me as the oldest of five, I was over, over-giving trying to solve the problems on my siblings in at work, you know, I was over-giving because I didn’t have good boundaries and, you know, really, I, I found myself just deeply.

I didn’t have enough in the cup to really give to any anybody else, my family, even myself. So I, I came to to a point where I needed to ask myself, you know, what do I really value in life and what really matters? And from this point, how will I pivot? What changes will I make in my life that will allow me to be healthier, more balanced and really do the things that matter.

And that’s where I gave to an understanding that it was important to him boundaries, right? It was important to have boundaries. And, you know, when I, when I was growing up and even as I, I did get cancer in my forties. And one of the things that I realized is that there were points in my life where I just didn’t even know what I stood for.

Right. And I just was wanting to fit in I wanted to go along, I’m going to be seen as a team player. And because of that, I was the poster child of the doormat I was supposed to sign. Child of the doormat. And I said yes to situations where I really wanted to say no. And you know, I wanted to help everyone at the cost of my own peace of mind and my health.

And it got to a point where I was experiencing a lot of frustration, anger, bitterness, and I was emotionally, physically, and spiritually just drained from that. And there was this level of anger and really the anger and the frustration that I felt more than people. It really wasn’t. It wasn’t them. It was me.

I was angry and frustrated at me and my inability to stand for myself. And so that caused me to put a lot of hours into my job and add a lot of stress that was unnecessary because I was doing things that weren’t really in my expertise, just to be the nice guy that the team player to be accepted. And so many women do that in corporate, and then they bring it into.

Their business. Would you agree? 

Susi Vine: Absolutely. I think that your story is one that rings true for so many people, because I know I was raised in the Midwest, but I don’t think it’s unique to the Heartland, but there’s very much this expectation that girls will be helpful, supportive, you know, agreeable not make up.

Not stir the pot or cause any trouble, you know, be very diligent, hardworking. There’s a lot of expectations to come also without any complaint. And you know, that picture of corporate success is say, yes, be ready for the challenge. Step up and demonstrate how, how good you are at your job, but also not to, to really make waves.

I find it fascinating when I hear things like in, in applying for jobs. Men may throw in their resume and say, yes, I feel qualified for this job, even when they don’t check all the boxes, but women always feel underqualified under-prepared and will sit back and miss opportunities because we, we don’t take this opportunity to, to speak for ourselves.

And to proclaim our own potential. So there’s, there’s so much in what you were just saying that I want to come back and unload. So I know we’re going to have a terrific conversation today. I wanted first to highlight the fact that your terrifying diagnosis and you know, there’s just more and more, you know, we just can’t even go.

It feels like months without learning that a friend has a diagnosis. If it is in our own cancer has become so prevalent and your. In that moment decision to get curious and to seek your own answers and resources, I think is so empowering. And I really want people to listen to that because without your taking that initiative and take.

Dan for yourself. It’s hard to think of where you might’ve gone in that process only, you know, emotionally and spiritually, but also to the extent that you really created the foundation for your own healing, because it does take this, this broader scope of modalities than we can find in Western medicine.

Pat Alva-Kraker: Yes, it is so true. You know what? One of my mom is a breast cancer also had breast cancer. So you can just imagine when I learned that when I found that actual, that lump myself and the thoughts that went through me when I’m like, okay, my mom has breast cancer. You know, what are the chances that it will.

Yeah. It’s like at that time, when we thought about cancer, it was like, am I going to die? That was the first thing that would go through your mind. Am I going to die way back when before we had all the technology and all the discoveries, now that was the first thing that would come to mind. So, you know, I remember hearing the diagnosis and then my husband and I were going on our way.

Back home. And we were an hour from the hospital. And so I remember sitting in the car and I said, I am going to heal myself. I’m going to heal myself. And just claiming that. And I didn’t want to just turn over my health over to a traditional doctor because so many women just give up and say, you take care of me.

You all do whatever you tell me. And I didn’t want to lose that power in my healing journey. So I took in the traditional medicine. And like you said, you know, we a well-rounded a healing journey. And it includes alternative medicine. So I dived in and I learned a lot about aroma therapy diet. I even became a Reiki master in the process of wanting to heal myself and really there was a journey of self discovery through meditation, through journaling and the really wanting to.

Understand how I, how this came to be, how was, how I was responsible for this and how do I learn from it and change my life going forward. So I don’t repeat the lesson and the lesson is of, over-giving not having boundaries. Not knowing what I stand for and allowing everybody’s agenda to be the agenda that I lived under, like, oh, a pad I’m working on a project.

I need your help. But I should have said, ah, well, you’re on the, my job description. Doesn’t really align with that. So no and just being able to have that level of discernment, this is, this is what I value. This is who I am. This is my mission. And know what you’re asking me to do. Doesn’t. And as much as I would like to help you, the answer is no.

Well, I didn’t have that. And through my journey of self discovery, I’ve realized I need to start putting boundaries. And because I cannot be everything to everybody and be over-giving. So it was like a two-by-four right in the forehead. 

Susi Vine: So those lessons, we have to learn the hard way. And when we don’t learn them the first time they come back around to get us.

And you mentioned too, when you were talking about discovering these boundaries you know, noticing yourself being angry and resentful and becoming aware that it was because of the situation you had created for yourself. By not having these boundaries. And, and that’s one of the things that I like to tell people to watch out for is after you agree to something, you know, how do you feel you’ve got to check in because it isn’t their fault if you’re not the ones saying no, but we have to know first what our priorities are and what our boundaries are so that we can stand behind them.

And so I know that you really dial into the nuances here, and I think this is a really powerful topic, too. Along the way. So we’ll, we’ll dive in here in terms of how can we look at boundaries? Are, is there a broad slate or can we kind of see different types of boundaries? How do we explore these? 

Pat Alva-Kraker: Right.

So I love that question because this will allow us to get everybody on the same page. So boundaries align with what we value in life and what matters most. And. It teaches people how to treat us. And it also empowers us because when we know what we value and we’re in alignment with what matters, it’s easy to step into the R P R P our power basically, and be firm and live that life of our values because when we do it really creates.

Our ideal life. And when we do that, there are so many benefits. There’s the benefit of a, an increased self-esteem, you’re more competent. You’re a liar yourself to be true to yourself. And you’re, you’re more discerning about the things that you say yes to. So there are so many benefits and when you do that, when you know what you stand for, you know what to say?

Yes and no to your stress goes down. It definitely affects your stress level because you’re only doing the things that, that matter, and that are aligned and that you value, and there are different types of boundaries. And I just I’ll just mention a few. One of them is relationship on. And in, in relationship boundaries, boundaries begins when the other part where the other person being a person ends, it’s like wherever you went and where they begin as that’s where the boundary and you you get to choose how you interact with interact with others and how you respond to other people’s needs, thoughts and behaviors.

You get to choose how to do that. And there’s one example that, that comes up right away is have you ever been with anyone and then within a short amount of time, they just drain your energy. 

Susi Vine: Oh, yes, there are those aren’t they, I think everybody can relate to 

Pat Alva-Kraker: whether it’s on the phone or in person, by the time you finished having a conversation with them, you’re just like, wow.

I just feel totally drained. This is where you put in a boundary. This is where you’re putting a boundary. Sometimes, you know, the person that drains you can be your boss, or it can be your favorite client, or it can even be a family member. And what’s important about that boundary is to know, well, when I work with.

You know, I, I will go in and have a conversation with them and app, and I will live with the conversation to what’s important and limit the conversation to 15 minutes. And after that, I know that it’s time to hang up. So it’s about limiting the amount of time that we spend with people that don’t give us any energy.

And that’s a really important boundary to. And it’s also with people that are very negative, that really don’t support you was to understand that it’s important to have a boundary around people that are like that, especially if they’re in your immediate circle and You just can’t walk away from those walk away with them because it could be your mom, it could be your husband or your, you know, your best friend or your neighbor.

And so they’re in your circle offense. So that’s really important about being able to set boundaries on relationships. And the other one is time, you know, so many women entrepreneurs, and I know you, I know, you know, the Susie is that if you were to ask them, okay, what are your hours that you can do that you want to be able to bring your business?

Well, nine. And I say, well, do you keep those hours? What do you think? They say, 

Susi Vine: no, I think they say, no. 

Pat Alva-Kraker: They really, they say no. So most of us as women entrepreneurs don’t even honor our business hours. We don’t honor them. And we work, you know, 15, 16 hour days, and we’re exhausted and it comes back to honoring those hours within our business so that we can spend time with our family, feed our soul, fill our cup because the work will be there tomorrow.

The work will be there tomorrow and it’s especially hard when you’re a. Your office is at home because he’ll buy it. You’ll go by your office. Like, I’m just going to check one more. I’m just gonna check email for five minutes and see if, you know, I got that email from, you know, Patsy, whatever, and then you’re there for 10, 15, 20, and then, you know, you get swallowed up by those kinds of concerns.

So it is about setting boundaries on time and setting an understanding and having boundaries around what makes you thrive. Like, what does your mind, body and soul need in order you were inner for you to thrive every day and having a boundary around that. So I’m a perfect example of that. My first hour of the day is my hour.

I use it to exercise, journal, meditate, read my affirmation. They didn’t get in sync with the three most important things that I need to do. Because when I do that, I feel grounded. I feel good about myself. I’m energized because of the exercise. And I tell my husband this first hour is saying. After this first hour, whatever you need, you know, I will be there for you to support gel Dixie breakfast, whatever it is.

But this first hour is my hour and being able to share that. So the important thing about not only knowing what you value, what matters most, and then aligning your your boundaries with that is that you have to tell me. That boundary, just like I tell my husband, the first hour of the day is my hour.

So after that, I’m all yours. And it’s having the conversation with your customer saying, you know what, I’m going to start being strict. I’m going to honor my business hours. And after six o’clock, you know, if you call me after that, leave a message and I will give you a call the following week. Whatever that boundary is, is when you communicate it to others.

And you say why you’re honoring that boundary, then people will understand because many times when you set a boundary, like I’m no longer going to be open after six o’clock. These are my businesses. You know, my kids, my grandkids, or, you know, I want to go watch them play their sports or whatever that is.

And you share that with them. Then what happens is that they have to do something. And most of the time when you set a boundary, the other person has to change. That means, oh, oh, okay. So, oh my God. Okay. Say why don’t I need to make sure that I call pat before five 30, because if I call her after six, she’s not going to answer.

So sometimes there will be some resistance to. And, you know what, when you set a boundary, you can’t control how other people think and what they feel. You just have to honor honor yourself. And what is true to you and let the cards fall where they name.

Susi Vine: Yeah. Yes, absolutely. And, and what you illustrated there is so important. You have to. Explain to people that this boundary is in place and it might take some retraining because a lot of times we recognize once we push, pause and say, why am I so frustrated? What is not working? Why am I feeling so burned out?

How can I corral some of these issues? We might have some retraining to do that might be our partner or spouse. And certainly our clients who have been able to get away with a little extra, because yeah, I mean, we’re, we’re called to do what we do because we’re on a mission. So a lot of times, you know, we’re Heartland.

People. And we do have to recognize that if we don’t fill our own top, we don’t have anything to share with others. So it’s important to be present and to get clarity. And I wonder if you find I’d love to hear what your, your thoughts about recognizing where these boundaries are. In my experience, I feel like it’s something we don’t give ourselves the time to get clear on what matters to us, where our priorities are.

We just kind of are operating at full capacity and sometimes we lose that perspective. 

Pat Alva-Kraker: We do. We are on automatic pilot. We’re on automatic pilot. And my recommendation really to that is to every day, you know, just stop. And even before you start your ass before your day starts, ask yourself, what do I want?

Yeah, what do I want, what do I want coming out of this meeting? What do I want coming out of this conversation? What do I want? And just start getting clear on what it is you want and what you value and the other, the other way of asking that same question and becoming clear is what am I available for and not available.

So that’s another way in which you create boundaries. And a habit that I would recommend is at the end of your day, is to look at your day and say what, what went well and why, what didn’t go well and why? So if you ha, if you went into a meeting and the meeting was just disorganized and. Everybody ranted and raved and, and and it’s not your meeting and you ended up not getting the decision you wanted, so you can go back and see, okay, so what went wrong here?

What will I do differently? And then you ask yourself, what am I available for? So I’m available to go into meetings when there’s a clear agenda and the people who need to make the decisions are in the meeting. So the next time you’re invited to a meeting, you say, may I have a copy of the agenda and will all the decision makers be in the meeting?

And so now that’s what you’re available for. And if it doesn’t happen, you don’t step into that space anymore. 

Susi Vine: Right, right. When we have the clarity and the boundaries in place, then we can, we’re just much better prepared to honor our own time and energy. There’s so many opportunities for that to be drained away.

And then we’re kind of trying to clean up, trying to restore ourselves, which is a tough, tough thing to manage 

Pat Alva-Kraker: after the fact. Right after you get the diagnosis after you get the migraine. And I got a stomach ache after the fact that you ended up in bed with a call because you didn’t honor the self care that was really needed, or you didn’t honor the boundary.

Cause sometimes we, we set boundaries and you say, okay, Our family is going to have dinner once a week. And when we have dinner, there’s going to be no technology on the table. Well, for kids that are in their teens and then their twenties, you know, that’s like, oh my God, you gotta be kidding me. Right. So there’s going to be a lot of resistance.

And so, you know, they’ll make, oh, well, you know, I’m just, I’m waiting for this call or I’m waiting for that. And then as soon as you give them, Yes. What? Well, mom, you let, last time we went to eat dinner. You let me, you know, blah, blah, blah. And so you have to stay firm on your boundaries and that give that wiggle room because once you do, then people will think, well, then I can just step over this boundary.

It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter enough to her because she gave me the wiggle room to ignore. Can’t do that and can’t do that. So you have to say from even, even even if you have to deal with resistance from other people, so that was really important. 

Susi Vine: Yes. And I appreciate your point too, that you were making in that as you’re explaining where your boundaries are giving reason for it is acceptable.

You don’t have to make excuses or feel bad that you’re making this request. You have this right. To delineate this space and, and explain what your needs are. And, and, and I think that’s a very important thing, especially kids, some coworkers, you know, people who tend to think they can take an inch and then push for a mile.

So it’s a slippery slope. 

Pat Alva-Kraker: It is a slippery slope, for sure. Yeah. I’m pretty and really giving yourself permission to set the boundary. 

Susi Vine: Yes. Usually, if this is a new practice,

Pat Alva-Kraker: which it will be for some of the women who are listening to this call is that it will be, if you have not been, you know, setting boundaries, you know what it feels like, it’s that level of frustration and you’re bitter and you’re angry at other people, but really it comes down to you not setting the boundary and really being really clear about what you’re available for and not available in your life and in your business.

So. 

Susi Vine: Yes. And so I love those questions and I hope that folks take, make note of those too. What do I want, what am I available for and what am I not available for? We get to draw those lines for 

Pat Alva-Kraker: ourselves. So my question to you, Susie, is what are you available for? What’s the one example, what’s one example what you’re available for, 

Susi Vine: right.

I am available for. People who are equally engaged in bringing their energy to the meeting and not sitting back and waiting for solutions to be handed to them. 

Pat Alva-Kraker: I love it. I’m available for inviting clients to work with me that bring me joy. Yes. And are willing to do the work. I’m available for that.

Definitely. And I’m available for chocolate also, by the way, 

Susi Vine: I’ll add that just so you know, and, and I hope that as folks are listening or watching, they take this opportunity to claim something because the energy that comes with that statement just hits you. Way, and this is what we need to call in more of just really take that in how empowering it is to make a claim on our own behalf.

Especially as you said, if this is a new practice, we have to start building these muscles and getting used to it. It feels a little awkward at first. And that’s just because it’s something that we haven’t been doing the way that we can. So. Yeah. Yeah. 

Pat Alva-Kraker: It’s it’s practice. And when, once you start setting your boundaries, you will experience a sense of freedom.

That you’re you’re you will say I’m going to start setting boundaries in life, in business, and here and there, and the level of stress will go down. You’re going to feel more empowered, confident. It’s like, you’re going to say, why didn’t they do this before we didn’t do 

Susi Vine: this before? Yeah. It’s, it’s a wonderful way to be shifting into momentum, right?

To come back to the things that you love about what you do instead of spending a lot of time dealing with the things that drain you. 

Pat Alva-Kraker: Exactly. And then, and being aware, you know, when you, when you do something that drains you and, and you say, God, this activity really drains me. Okay. I am no longer available for that.

Once you recognize it and you become aware I’m not available for that, or when something really good happens. And you’re like, oh my God, I felt really good. After this meeting I’m available for more of that. And just start, like you say, start calling it in, start calling it in now. It’s powerful. 

Susi Vine: Beautiful.

And so in your work with women who are building their careers, are there other ways in which you find them getting stuck or finding frustration that tend to be common themes? Boundaries are certainly a big one, but beyond that, yeah. 

Pat Alva-Kraker: Boundaries are, are certain a big one of that. Well, I would say the, the other one is living through intention.

I said, I believe that, you know, whatever you think about new will bring about. And when you’re in that thought of, this is what I want to see happen. This is how I want to feel as I’m going through it. This is what I want others to feel. You start actually requesting that from the universe, just like for this podcast.

You know, my intention was my attention with this podcast is for Susie and I to make a difference in just one woman’s life today and that Susie and I will share our wisdom and we’ll have fun doing it. And then I just let that go. And when we live our life with intention and really thinking from the end in mind, and then just asking for that every day, your life will change because so many times we just get up and do the activity and go through the motions without really setting the intention.

When you absolutely have the ability to set the energy. The feeling and the thought or what you want to see here. And I take it a step further. Not only do I say, this is what I want, this is my intention for this podcast. I’ll say, I’ll answer the question. How do I want to feel? So I’ll say, okay, this is my intention.

I want this podcast to be amazing for us to pick one woman for us to share our wisdom, have fun, and I want to feel good. I want to feel connected to Suzy and, and the audience who will later we’re listening and we’ll later, listen, I want to feel. Articulate. I want to feel intuitive and I just really bring all that, that, that, those characteristics into the space.

And then I ask and I answer, I do, I want Suzy. Well, I want Suzy feel good. I want Susie to be engaged and wants to have fun with me and say, you know what? This is one of the best podcasts you’ve ever had. And that’s how you set intention. And that’s how you live through intention. Your life will change when you start living the intentions.

Yeah. 

Susi Vine: Absolutely. Well, and I’ve heard that phrase, a frame, several different, several different ways, but I love the way that you put it today. What you think about you bring back. And so many people put all of their attention and energy into the ways that things can go wrong. My husband is a bit of a ruminator and I remind him now in that, if that’s what you’re looking for, it’s really easy to find it.

So when we start looking for what we want to call it, and when we work from where our intention is, as opposed to the possible concerns, of course, there are those and we can be prepared for those. Without putting all of our energy into what could go wrong. And again, it’s a very empowering and uplifting energy to come from the intention and what we are trying to create.

Pat Alva-Kraker: And you know, it, it can be on the simple, simple things, right? When you go to the grocery store, my intention is to get the closest parking to the door. It can be as simple as that, or it can be as sophisticated as my intention is to create a proposal that my client is going to fall in love with. So you can just use a, you, once you get used to living through intention, it just changes your life.

And anytime you do something, the first thing you do is you set intention for that activity, that conversation, that meeting even creative work, right. I intend to sit out, but these two hours. And give all my energy and my thought to creating this one class. And it will be amazing what happens when you do that.

And that’s another, that’s another boundary like that I want to mention is Having values align with your boundaries and then being not knowing how to set them. Should we tell them how we, how to set boundaries? That would be terrific. We’re going to tell you how to set boundaries. You need to learn to walk.

So we’re going to empower you not only the, on how to set intentions, but also. How to set the boundary. So one exercise that I take all my clients through is, and you’re, there’s a freebie that’s associated with the steps that I’m about to cover with you. So the first step is to identify what you value.

What you value? We have a lot of values and really, like you said, we don’t stop and think about what those values are. What is it? Peace, family, time, adventure, integrity, honesty, creative time travel. What are those values and start with a list of 10 and you’ll probably have more than 10, but I just want you to start with a list of 10 and just go through what you value.

And if you get stuck, you can do a search on values. And there’s a number of sites that have up to a hundred values listed where you can just look through the list and just identify. What values are important to you just to kind of get your mind going. And so when you, once you identify those 10, then I want you to shrink them down to just five, just by values.

Cause that’s what a good, a good place to actually start sending boundaries. So I’m going to give you an example. So one of my values is quality. So that’s one of my top, Bob has that quality time, so I value quality time. And so I need, this is part two. I need focused one-on-one attention with my husband.

So my value is quality time. So I need focus one-on-one attention with my husband. And how will I honor that? So step number three, the third step is to identify what’s the action. What’s the behavior. So for me, it’s date nights. So I will have date nights, right? So that’s one example. Another value is creative time.

So I value being, having the creative time to write, read a course, et cetera. So for me, I need undivided attention to be able to focus on that creative time and have that create that space. So I honor that. Daily by blocking out from nine to 11 is my creative time. I don’t take any calls. I’m not on social media.

I don’t have any meetings. I turn off my phone. And for those two hours, all I do is call named my creative angels and do the creative work. So that’s how easy it is. It’s what are your values? Identifying them. So what do you need in reference to that value? And then how will you honor that value? How will you honor that value?

And then you can take, you do the same thing for the, or the four of them, right? Or your other, for your other, for your other five. And, and then start thinking about maybe the conversations that you have to have, especially involve other people. Right. But if they involve you, then this is a great way to really start honoring your, your your boundaries.

And then you’ll start, you’re going to send another boundary as it relates to content. You know, we are, we have received so much information. Their social media and the news email, you know, that’s, that’s another type of boundaries, the content boundary. And you can set a boundary around that, you know, that you value your value being knowledgeable, but you don’t let it become all consuming.

Right. So you value your content. So I need just enough information to know what’s going on in the world, but not to be in front of the TV for five hours. So I’m going to honor that by setting my limit of just 30 minutes a day, catching up with the news and then that’s it. So that’s the way you tie in to keeping on top of things and sending a boundary.

So it doesn’t become all consuming. So, yeah, it’s, it’s pretty powerful. Once you start setting up boundaries, man, your life will change because you’re just going to start living a life according to your values. And that’s what creates an ideal life. 

Susi Vine: Yes. And I love that intentionality and awareness. That is part of the process, because again, we tend to go through life, trying to keep up and not carving out the time to honor ourselves by really getting clear on what it is that serves us and what we need.

And so this exercise of self exploration is so important. I mean, how many of us can rattle off five values off the top of our fingers. Some of us in this space, you know, we’ve gone through exercises like this, and it’s easier for some than others. So I love your suggestion too, that if you take, if you do an online search, if you feel like you’re struggling for.

These values are, you know, make a list, come back to it through the day, let some ideas bubble up, but sometimes we need to expand our vocabulary and take a look at a list because there might be something there that we haven’t put any attention or energy to. That’s really been missing.

And then having that clarity and a game plan because willpower is finite. But when we have our why, the reason that our driving force is clear, it’s much easier to commit to that creative space and turn off notifications for two hours. Not be available for meetings. People might just have to wait another day or three to get in front of you so that you can do what you’re, what’s, you’re driven by what you’re passionate about bringing into existence because no one else can create what we’re here to create

helpful. I’m glad we dug in a little more deeply into how to establish those boundaries, because again, I think it’s. It’s a skill that many of us could use some, some honing. 

Pat Alva-Kraker: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It’s it’s the boundaries are really important. They, they contribute to our success and your life becomes jucier.

Susi Vine: Yes. And isn’t that? What we’re all working so hard. And I find that many people think we have to dig in. We have to work really hard right now. As soon as we’re successful, then we can get to the things that light us up and we tend to put ourselves last. And so this kind of clarity being clear on your values, quality time with the people that we love, what we are here to create when we can keep those on the top of the list and not let them get bumped by other people’s priorities.

Then we do have more time available. We do have more energy to put to the things that matter because we’re not coming in at the end of the list all the time.

Pat Alva-Kraker: And, and what what I’d like for for our listeners is that as you start creating boundaries And you start living your boundaries, then the other women around you, your daughters, your nieces, your sisters, you become a role model for them. So not only do you start changing your life, but we have start affecting the planet, right?

When we start affecting other women and we invite them to start setting boundaries for themselves. And that creates a ripple effect. 

Susi Vine: Of the best sort. Absolutely. We really, the most inspiration comes by doing comm comes by living true to our principles and our passions. And I think that is important. And you know, perhaps that resistance, when you start defining your boundaries and telling people what you are and aren’t available for might come from a good friend, might come from someone within your family who says.

Were you to say, I can’t call you while you’re working right. Or I can’t call you after you’re off the work clock. And after that initial resistance, you know, as they watch you walk forward in integrity, They get to see that that does work, that they can do that for themselves. We need to light that spark in others because sometimes doing as much more effective than telling.

Pat Alva-Kraker: Yes, I totally agree with you just having them, just doing it and having them observe you. It’s, you know, it will work. Definitely won’t work. So, 

Susi Vine: yeah. And so you have actually a terrific resource that’s available to our audience on boundaries. And so we’ll have that link in the, in the show notes as well.

And so you can get a little support in creating your own. 

Pat Alva-Kraker: Absolutely. So the steps that we covered today on setting the boundary, starting with the 10 values and going down to five, and then what you value. So what do you need and how you honor it, it’s all in there and explains how to do it. So it’s a, it’s a really good cheat sheet for you to sit in boundaries.

And it’s at my website, majestic coaching group. Dot com slash setting dash boundaries. Very simple. And you would just download it and Sort of boundary yeah. And get 

Susi Vine: started today. And so in your work with the women whom you coach, you’re able to take a very personalized approach and I’d love for you to share a little bit about that too.

In how people can really work with their strengths, as opposed to feeling like they’re trying to fit into a mold that doesn’t really let them. Yeah. 

Pat Alva-Kraker: You know, we have been, we have, we have been trained by society to try to fit into other people’s worlds and the people’s boxes. And after a while, you know, you start feeling out of sorts and you’re not aligned.

And so what I like to do is I like to work with with women, according to their human design and human design is it’s a modality that. Self-discovery tool. It is a performance tool that is based on your birth date and time it combines astrology. I changed several Medallia’s into one juicy with Alli called human design.

And so everybody’s different. And what I like about the human design is that I will sit down with women and I’ll ask them, where do you, where are you? Where do you want to go? And let’s use your human design the way that you are human design will tell us who we’re meant to serve, how we’re meant to serve them.

How are how we’re meant to market, how we’re mental need, how we’re made to make decisions. And so it’s really a profound way. To scale the business and it’s very tailored to their specific design or blueprint, some call it user’s guide. And it really ends up being a lot of fun for both of us, because that’s a no-brainer to do and to do and grow your business the way that you are making.

To do and grow your business. So there’s no guessing there’s no trying to find, try to follow someone, gurus formula. It’s your personal formula. That we’re activating to help you move your business to the next level. And I just, I just love it. Human designed for business. Yeah. 

Susi Vine: And I have been familiar you know, taking a look at exploring my own human design chart and looking up resources.

And when we first talked and you talked about how this can be a tool to help you. Have your most authentic and effective business that really kind of lit off some light bulbs for me, because as I’ve been growing my business, there are so many people ready to tell you the best way to do what, how, where to start, what your marketing should sound like, who you should be looking for, what your business should look like.

And we can put a lot of energy and a lot of time into things that don’t resonate with us. And so with this. Little guide map. We can say, Nope, that might work for you. Right. And we can let that go and stick with something that is going to be in flow for us. So we can be working with more ease and less force.

There’s a lot of things vying for our attention and energy. So we don’t need to be giving it up where we don’t need to be. Yeah. 

Pat Alva-Kraker: I totally agree with you. Absolutely. So, yes, it’s it’s been very profound. Women have really been able to scale their business because now they’re in alignment with who they are and they’re just honoring who they are and how we see as that, you know, just be totally authentic and grow your business from the way you were managing.

Yeah, it’s really a lot of fun to be able to grow a business that way. 

Susi Vine: Yes. And, and as someone who has, you know, in your own experience, pushed yourself to the limits and then had to come back and learn a different way of being a different way of holding your own space and business. You know, you really have that perspective of, of seeing all sides of that equation, where people might be.

In terms of how well they’re holding their own space and supporting their own energy so that they can do what they really dream of doing. 

Pat Alva-Kraker: Absolutely because everybody has a specific set of talents, gifts, and experiences, and the world is waiting, waiting for them to step up and step out in a big way.

And and being able to use human designed to, for me to be able to help women in that way is so satisfying. It’s really satisfying to see it. 

Susi Vine: Yeah. That’s beautiful. I love your mission. We need a lot of people shining their light right now and, and when you’re working, you know, authentically an integrity with what’s important to you, that’s a lot easier to do.

Yeah. 

Pat Alva-Kraker: Yeah, it is. 

Susi Vine: Is there anything else that we didn’t have time to touch in on or other things they might find on your website? There’s so many things available when work is so, so 

Pat Alva-Kraker: fast. Thank you for asking. I, I do have a seller Catherine’s quick. One woman’s journey to elation. And this book is all about self-leadership, which is that everything that we’ve talked about today is about self-leadership and the power of intention is in here and we go into it a little deeper.

So This particular book it’s, it’s easy read it’s 89 pages and isn’t one, a woman who loses everything. She loses her, her husband, her job, her home, and starts has to pick herself on the bootstraps and has to go through self discovery. Self-leadership and then how to come out on the other end happier and in a state of elation.

So it’s a juicy story. I have put my musings in here. I provide different tips and techniques. It also comes with a. And affirmation cards and you can get this on my website under Katherine’s plus tabs. Yeah. 

Susi Vine: And you mentioned using your affirmation cards to earlier in our conversation. And so that’s something that I enjoy.

I have a different deck. It looks like you created that one. And I think that’s so powerful to something that the people can do, you know, make your own deck of cards. And draw from others, but how do you, how do you use them to start your day? 

Pat Alva-Kraker: I’m going to call, I’m going to draw card for us. W tap it three times to, but my foot, our energy in here.

And then I just, I just pick one and I just read it. So the one that I picked for us is I’m bringing my passion to my work.

It’s the perfect card. Bring my passion to my work. It’s the perfect card. And then every chapter has a specific theme. And so every card is associated with a chapter in the book. 

Susi Vine: Beautiful. And, you know life has been difficult lately over this last year and a half people have been through a lot. And so this story of a woman who had to come back from so much and maintain her hope and her vision, I think is a beautiful one.

I’m so glad that you’ve written that and made that available. And I love the journal and cards because then you really get to take those lessons. With you and dig deeper and integrate that. 

Pat Alva-Kraker: Yes. Yes. Thank you for allowing me to share that with with your audience. 

Susi Vine: Absolutely. I’m so glad that you’ve created it and make it available.

And I love the mission of the work that you do. So thank you for making time to join us today. I’m so glad that you brought this to the conversation, and I know that more than one woman is going to have her ears opened and some light bulbs turned on and. I look forward to it. 

Pat Alva-Kraker: Thank you so much. Thank you so much for hosting this show.

I can tell you have a lot of fun doing it, and there’s a sense of wisdom that you share at every show, because I can feel that sense of wisdom. And so you and I are on the same are on the same path. We want to make a difference with people and have them live a happier life. So I thank you for your mission.

Susi Vine: Thank you. Thank you very much. It’s it’s nice to give people permission. Have more joy. Yes. More of us need to step up and hold that flag. So I’m glad to have you with me. Thank you so much. Take good care of 

Pat Alva-Kraker: yourself. You too.