They say life starts at 40. By the time you’re 44, you’d have had four years to look back on your experiences and curate the lessons you’ve learned along the way. In observance of her 44th birthday, Susi Vine shares 11 things that she thinks are worth sharing – some insights that will surely brighten your day and bring more balance to your life. Fair warning, Susie lets some language fly, so you might want headphones with little ears nearby! Enjoy!

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11 Things I Learned on the Way to 44 | Birthday Episode!

In observance of my very own day, I’m sharing 11 things that I think are worth sharing – some insights that might brighten your day or bring more balance to your life. Enjoy!

I’m doing something different for you to observe my birthday. I’m a little bit gratuitous when it comes to birthday. I’m a big fan when it comes to my favorite season. I’ve never been sure if I like fall best because it’s when my birthday happens. When I was growing up back in the Midwest, things finally cool off. It gets a lot more tolerable and a lot more beautiful when those colors show up on the trees. At any rate, now is a day when I indulge myself. I have decided to share with you some of my insights. Life does not seem to be getting simpler, but I do my best to keep it from getting out of control.  

#11 – Simple is good.

Starting with number eleven, simple is good. This might seem deceptively simple, but it’s a bit harder to practice than it is to decide that it would be a good thing to call down. In general, my rule is less is better, food with fewer ingredients, less stuff given as gifts, less clutter, less filling up your schedule that isn’t worth your time. The more that we complicate things, the harder it is to keep up with them. The more we embellish our story, the harder it is to keep it straight. The more we complicate relationships, the harder they are to keep happy. It’s boiling it all back down and we’re going to start off there, bringing in the simple.  

#10 – Change isn’t bad.

Number ten on the list, change isn’t bad. I observe people dealing with this and I find it so interesting the way that people will go out of their way to avoid change. I tend to say I have shallow roots. I’ve moved around a lot. My dad was in the Navy, so we have a couple of moves before I started kindergarten. I lived in one old farmhouse in the middle of fields of corn and soy in Central Illinois all the way through school until I went off to college. I then got back to moving around. I’ve lived in all four corners of the US and cities and towns. I can tell you like so many other things, it’s all in how you frame it. Change gives you that opportunity to explore something completely different, to find something that you love that you never would have thought to consider, to meet people you never would have encountered otherwise, to see places that are better than storybooks, to add to your personal story with adventure, with life lessons, with opportunities. They only come from change. 

When you’ve worked hard to hold onto something, especially if that something isn’t serving you because you don’t know what’s around the corner, then you’re putting the lid on the possibilities. I would love for you to embrace this idea, especially if it’s one that you’re a little skeptical about. Give it a shot and leave yourself open to the opportunity to experience some change. I hope it might pay off for you in a fraction of the ways that it has paid off for me on my winding path.  

#9 – Explore more.

Number nine, explore more. Keep on wondering. My tagline for years of social media platforms that have come and gone has been wondering and wandering. I’m not afraid of change. I’m happy to pull up stakes and try out a new place and a new job, and meet some new folks. The thing that ties it all together, the thing that brings me joy is wonder, curiosity, and being a little bit childlike when you observe things and wondering what that‘s about. When did that start? Who else has seen this? Who can share this experience? Especially those shared experiences, they become so much more powerful. Wonder and curiosity are priceless. They opened the doors to things that we might never have even fathomed.  

I’ve seen several people refer to this. I don’t know the study. I’ve only seen the reference, but I believe it’s true. I refer to that experience that we have that I’ve noticed on the way to 44, that time speeds up as we get older. When we’re younger, time seems interminable. School year is never going to end. The summer just stretches out before you all wide open with possibility. Time goes more slowly. As we get older and busier and we get into routines, time flies by. I love this penchant for curiosity. People have discovered that feelings of awe make time go more slowly. It gives us more experience in those moments, in those days. It gives us a little bookmark to look back on to say all of this happened within that span of time. Let me suggest that if you feel like time is flying right by, one way that you might make more of your moments is to create opportunities for wonder, for curiosity, for that feeling of being awestruck that give you more delicious and fulfilled moments that you can come back to, and make that time seem more significant. 

#8 – Be scared and do it anyway.

Number eight, be scared and do it anyway. This is a good rule. Sometimes I do better than others. It’s related to or maybe a cousin of fake it until you make it. I’m not a fan of faking it, putting out a completely false front. I do in as much as if you don’t feel quite ready, you can step into that character. You can put on the persona of, if I was the person that had all the answers, how would I present myself? In that regard, it helps to level yourself up in ways that you might not yet feel prepared. That comes down to be scared and do it anyway. Don’t let your own feelings of limitation keep yourself from opportunities to grow and to move ahead. 

Even with putting myself out there on social media and trying to create this little movement of people who want simpler solutions for health and different approaches for stress, it’s not always comfortable. I see myself in video with that flesh coming up my chest and my neck, reaching my cheeks. That’s the beauty of podcasting. You can’t see how rosy I get when I’m on the spot. On some of those videos, I notice it. We tend to be our own worst critics. Yet in order to move this mission forward and reach for the things that I know are possible, I just buckle up and do it anyway. I invite you to give that a try and trust in yourself. You’re capable of a lot more than you realize.  

#7 – Be proactive, not reactive.

Moving on up the list to number seven, be proactive, not reactive. I don’t know at what point I recognized that I don’t have a lot of tolerance for people who complain without doing anything to change their situation. Misery loves company. It’s an easy conversation to have because people notice difficulty and commiseration is comfortable. However, if there’s something that isn’t serving you, at some point, you have to take control of that situation and you have to change it. Even better than that. As we get older and wiser, you might recognize that something may not serve you and you don’t even need to give it a try. You can be proactive and saying, “That’s not a fit for me right now,” and move on to the next.  

In other regards too, it’s essential to be proactive, not reactive in terms of health. I am a nurse’s daughter. I was raised to be quite proactive. We were regular about all the checkups, never missed a flu shot, all of that until I was old enough to be turned loose and make my own decisions. It’s training that I received and it’s still training that I call back on now. As we rack up the decades, some of these recommended screenings come about and I urge you to be proactive. This goes up to the one that we just talked about, be scared and do it anyway. Some people avoid going to the dentist, or getting their mammogram, or getting their colonoscopy because they’re afraid of what they’re going to find out. I never understood why that would be the block to keep you from getting it done. Wouldn’t you rather know sooner than later? Wouldn’t you rather have less intervention required rather than more? Think about it. 

I hope it’s one that you’ll take to heart. If you have been one to put off what you feel isn’t necessary or to wait for symptoms to decide something that’s worth addressing, please, for yourself, for the ones you love, and for the people who love you, be proactive. When my husband turned 50, he was proactive about getting his colonoscopy. We were very fortunate that his colon cancer was discovered in stage one. With surgery and not altogether simple recovery, Dan is now cancer-free and we are beyond grateful. In my self with my family history of cancer, I am proactive also. I started getting mammograms before I was 40. If you need a buddy to rally you, to cheer you on and to get you making that appointment, feel free to call me. I will be your cheerleader. I will remind you of all the reasons why doing it now is so much better than later. Please, take this one with you. Be proactive, not reactive. 

#6 – Be kind.

Number six, I have learned the value of being kind. I’m a Midwestern girl, even though I’m a San Diego native. I’ve got deep roots. My family has been in Central Illinois for about 150 years. That Midwestern sensibility, that ability to approach people, person to person, to be frank and see each other is powerful. On the other hand, there is that Midwestern stoicism, but I’ll save that for another solo episode. I have always seen the benefit of being kind to people. We are all human. We are all spiritual beings having a human experience. We are all dealing with things that other people don’t know because we don’t wear everything on our sleeves. There’s a little touch back to that Midwestern stoicism.  

If you know what you’re dealing with day to day and you do your best to get out there, connect with people, see them for who they are, and be kind, that gives you the empathy to see that other people are dealing with a bunch of stuff too. When someone is kind to you, how does that feel? How does that smile connect with you? How do those words land? That could be the highlight of your day on some days. I urge you to consider the power of being kind. It’s not overrated. I hope that’s something that you will bring in a little bit more often, which leads me to my next tip, my next little wisdom to drop on you. 

#5 – Give more to get more.

Number five, give more to get more. When you’re kind to other people, it inspires them to be kind to you. Not to say that they weren’t going to, to begin with, but perhaps even more so. When we give, we get. When you perform a random act of kindness, you’re inspiring another person to be kind to someone else. When we volunteer, we get so much joy. This is another thing that research and people have looked at. There are numbers to support that one of the most sure ways to build your happiness is through acts of generosity and kindness to others. It’s like a damn guarantee. If you’re not feeling good about yourself, think of something you can do for someone else, you will feel better and you will brighten their day. Be it through volunteering, sharing in your community or giving to friends. 

It’s simply in conversation with our dear friends. They ask us how we’re doing. We have that opportunity to unload, to feel heard, to get some of that commiseration, which sometimes can be so supportive because it helps to validate that it’s not you, it’s them, that the world is crazy around you. Be sure to turn that around and offer that same support to friends. Be sure to ask other people how they are doing. This is something that I have my bad days and I struggled with too. When you ask someone how they’re doing, listen for the answer. If it’s busy, if you feel any opportunity to help them expand on that, ask again or ask another question, but engage with people and offer your support and be present, and you’ll get so much in return. 

#4 – Be grateful.

Number four, be grateful. You knew this had to land somewhere. I’m about sharing happiness, up-leveling your life, positive intentions and affirmations. You knew gratitude had to land on the list. When I notice how many people speak about how powerful their gratitude practice is, it keeps reinforcing how important this simple practice is. Be grateful when something good happens to you, when somebody holds the door, when you get a great parking space, for a sunny day, and when the bus shows up on time and you don’t have to share a seat. Whatever it takes, however small, find something to be grateful for. If you have trouble being happy and calling up anything good that happens in the day, you need to be more grateful. You need to sit down at the end of the day, sit down at lunch or whenever you want to pick me up and write down three things that you’re grateful for. 

People say and I say a lot that good experiences are like Teflon and bad experiences are like Velcro. It’s just the way that we’re wired. We learn lessons from difficult situations. We are designed to make those situations more memorable. We remember our lessons. In order to up-level our brains, we need to rewire them. We need to teach our brains that happiness is just as valuable and even more so than those difficult situations and those difficult emotions. The way that we do that is through neuroplasticity. We look for the things that we are grateful for and that make us happy, and with repetition. That is the secret. With repetition, our brain says, “There’s another one. That car let me in on the freeway. This line is short for my lunch. There’s a new episode on Netflix. This is exactly what I want to do tonight.” Be grateful for the little things because they add up and our brain gets high on that too. We don’t only have to thrive on stress. We get to thrive on happiness, but it’s not as innate in our brains, in our biology. Be grateful and try to do it more often.  

#3 – Be your own best friend.

Number three, be your own best friend. In 2020, we’re all at home and spending a lot more time alone. That might not seem like something that you want to invest more in. Let me put it this way. Do you say things to yourself? Do you hear that voice inside your head that gives you a hard time? It’s saying things that you wouldn’t even say to a friend of yours? Are you more critical? Are you less forgiving? Are you more judgmental of yourself than you are for the people that you care about? That’s a sign that you need to love yourself more, that you deserve more. That little gremlin is a voice of protection. You can’t hit the mute button and say, “Nope, I’m not listening to you. I’m shutting you off. I don’t believe what you’re saying.” It’s coming from somewhere, from bad experiences, from your childhood, from trauma, from self-protection. It’s coming from the urge to protect yourself.  

Life is out to hurt us. If we don’t put ourselves out there, we can’t get hurt. If we don’t believe we’re going to succeed, we won’t be hurt when we fail. It’s trying to cushion the blow. It’s trying to tell us in advance that nobody wants to spend time with us or have more of us or know more about what we want to share because it doesn’t matter. It’s all bullshit. Be your own best friend. Do what you can to make friends with that gremlin that’s mean to you all the time. Picture it as yourself or a child if you don’t want to picture it as yourself. Picture it as that inner child that is scared, lonely and defensive. Recognize where those words are coming from. Thank it for the protection. Thanks for the intervention and concern. Decide that you’re going to handle it differently and strengthen the voice inside of you that says that you are a genius, that you have things to share, that you have deep inherent value, that you are worth as much as any other person on this very full planet, that you deserve good things, that you deserve happiness.  

Believe these things and build up this other voice inside of you until it can meet the conversation that’s coming from your gremlin. Give yourself the love that you deserve. It doesn’t come immediately. It’s like building another habit. You have to be aware of when these criticisms and thoughts are coming around. That in itself is a practice and then you have to recognize it. You have to start turning down the volume on those, and then start working on the other side of the conversation where you say, “Those beliefs don’t serve me. I don’t need to give you space,” and then be scared and do it anyway. That’s the takeaway there, please, be your own best friend. Treat yourself as well as you would treat some of the dearest people in your life because you deserve it. 

#2 – Dream.

Number two is simply dream. I don’t always remember my dreams overnight. Sometimes when I sit down to envision my ideal future, there are some roadblocks. It doesn’t come easily for me. I’ve never been a person with a five-year plan. I’ve never been a person with a remarkably clear career goal. I’ve done a lot of different jobs. I’ve been to a lot of different places. I’ve met a lot of different people and I believe now where I am with this perspective that it all has served me and brought me to this place where I am supposed to be. I keep practicing creating the dream. What is that ideal picture? What do I want to call down? Don’t be afraid to create a dream. Don’t be afraid to say that you deserve great things. Don’t be afraid to say that your message deserves to be heard. Dream it so that you can do it. It has to start with a dream. You have to start with a vision.  

We can accomplish more than we think over an extended period of time. Just because something seems impossible doesn’t mean you should take it off your list. It just means it’s going to take longer to get there. I do believe that the secret of setting intentions is to have that clarity, to have that dream, to know that you want this or better, whatever this is. Once you have that dream in mind, you can start taking action towards achieving it. You don’t have to have all the answers in order to take the first step. Sometimes you don’t even know what you’re going to need to answer, but the universe is going to have your back. Once you start taking those steps forward, the answers will appear. Please don’t be afraid to dream. Dream your dreams.  

#1 – Choose Love.

Finally, number one at the top of the charts, please choose love. When it all comes down to it, there are thousands of emotions. We only maybe experience a dozen of them or so because we tend to get into patterns and routines. That doesn’t mean that’s what we’re limited to. Those thousands of emotions come down to love or fear. Be honest with yourself. What is driving the train? Do you trust that there is enough for everyone? Do you believe that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience? Do you believe that we are all moving through life and doing what we can with the tools that we’ve been given? I believe in coming from an abundance mindset. I believe that there is enough for everyone if we are good stewards of our resources. I believe that coming from love raises our vibration. I believe that living in a higher vibration attracts better things into your life, better experiences, better people. Better emotions come from love.  

Look back up the line, good experiences are like Teflon. It’s not always easy to find the evidence to support that love has the upper hand. We have to keep coming back to the table and saying that that has to be true in order to make it true. We’re wired to be afraid because that’s where we get our lessons. That’s what keeps us safe. That’s what kept us three steps ahead from that tiger in that bush that we all like to talk about. That’s one busy tiger. When fear takes the wheel, what are we able to do? We’ve already talked ourselves out of everything that we could possibly accomplish. When you let fear win the game, the game is already over. We have to come from love. We have to come from believing that more is possible, then we can do great things. There’s enough for all of us to have an abundance. Sharing from what I have doesn’t mean that I have less. It means I have the opportunity to bring in more.  

I wish for you abundance and every good thing. I wish for you a brilliant birthday whenever your birthday is. I’m a big fan of birthdays. Let me know when yours is. I’ll put it on my calendar and I’ll wish you a happy birthday. I hope that these insights ring a bell. Maybe something will stick with you. Maybe you can take away from it. I’d love for you to let me know. Shoot me a message over on the website. You can find info at Happified.com.

I’m grateful for you. You’re a great birthday present. I’m glad I have this opportunity to speak my mind and to share conversations with people who are doing good work in the world. I’m grateful for you.

Be kind to yourself, love yourself, love each other and take good care.